(no subject)
I think I've finally found my passion. That great thing which makes you feel alive, which you'll do anything for, merely because it feels so damn good. Some people are passionate about art or music, lilterature, clever banter. I like everything, but a part of me has always been missing, because I don't like anything enough that my laziness does not get in the way of my persuit of it. But there's one that I've found, my obsession with which rather irritates and hurts certain people... but I find that only the ones closest to me are hurt by it. And quite frankly, I've comme to regard passon as something that has that ability. I find that one of the hardest things to do is to feel honestly, deep down happy about the passion of someone you love. It has a tendancy to make a person jealous. Of what? Why, of that great thing that your loved one(s) loves so greatly, that thing to which he or she so willingly gives up so much time and for which they furnish so much love. Jealousy and inadiquacy. The biproducts of one person's passion, and those which can only be felt by their nearest and dearest. For this, I am sorry.
Once upon a time (flash back to just six months ago), I couldn't see why I was in school. What was I doing studying for a degree when I'd never known for a second just what I want to be? Why does everyone else know just what they want to be when they grow up? A psycholigist, a lawyer, a musician... but what about me? As a pisces, I've always been unable to pin down one thing that I wanted to study. I thought I'd be in school forever, because as we all learned from Van Wilder, college can be used as a postponement of real life. One feels quite lost in a cloud, without a passion.
I looked for it in others. The one thing that I can say attracts me above all, is passion. A passion for anything. I admire it, crave it, and, yes, I've spent my fair share being jealous because of it. Jealous because it takes up that person's time, and jealous because they had one and I did not.
But I've found mine, I think; It sounds stupid, because I can't pinpoint it's exact essence, yet. In one word, I would say, "France". However, I don't quite know if a country can be considered a passion so much as it can be classified as an obsession. I believe that I am passionately in love with this place, however. With it's language, it's people, it's customs, and above all, the lifestyle, there. My passion is linked with the experience that I had, there. Perhaps it's a passion for living an adventure, which I no longer feel strongly abut doing in my native tongue. Perhaps the language is the kickeer, because I'm passionate about coming out on top in a challenge, and because there is no greater day-to-day challenge than enhancing your vocabulary to include such important words as, 'anchovies' and 'ferris wheel'. It could just be that my passion includes a more simple lifestyle, one which I grew accustomed to in a country that is so similar to my own, but with so many more human customs than we still embrace, here.
Do you see? It isn't that I don't like America, it's just that I'm more passionate about someplace else. And in choosing love, would I ever be accused of being a girl who would choose he for whom I care, over he for whom I feel deeply passionate? I truly hope that the answer is no.
Don't worry, anyone, I'm not flying away and leaving you all alone, tomorrow. Nor next week, either. It's just that I've finally realized that I found my happy thought, the one which will fly me right out of URI and into that new world which awaits us all, as soon as we find it in ourselves that we are ready. And in the meantime, let this be notice that I will probably be declining many an expensive invitation, in the interest of saving up and being ready when that day comes. It's sad when there is so little that one can do to nurture a passion, but I am doing my best.
Et pour les français qui lisent mon blog, je veux que vous sachez que je ferai un petit voyage avec Jared... on viendra en Sept ou Oct, et nous sommes vachement contents!