Rejection, or something like it
You know when people you've been friends with forever stop hanging out with you? That's what it is. Everyone goes with them. To hang out in their massive group of people, and me and Desiree are left with just us. Doing nothing. On a weekend. They're out, and we're wondering why no one's home. *shrug* Fine then.
It's not even that. It's that they move into the debate room and sit with us, having their own conversation and...making me be dorky, weird, casual Katie instead of pensive, quiet, debate Katie. I LIKE being my debate self. I like being witty and acerbic and dry instead of being giggly and loud. And, sure, I understand that it's not their fault for making me feel like I'm being somehow pulled back into their world unwittingly. It's just that I pick my battles. Some days, I want to eat with them and just be loud and happy and laughing. But sometimes I want to just sit around and listen to John Ward joke around and watch Matt Karam piss off Jason Crystal, and chat with Kern or have a conversation with Leala or something. Like, when I actually want to be loud and wild, outside of the context of school, going places and doing things...that's when they don't want to hang out with me. But when I want to just chill and not have people expect me to talk or something...that's when they invade my territory.
That's what it is. It's my territory. Originally, Desiree and I felt left out, so we just took on a "fuck you all" attitude and started eating lunch together in the debate room, having sarcasm wars and making fun of dumbshit people and laughing and having a great time. Going and getting a salad, then talking to Cuevas/Foster and observing things and having our own, quiet, running commentary of events. That was fun.
And then people come in there and start bringing outside forces in. Like, all of a sudden they're sitting on desks having a nice little chat. That's not what happens in the debate room. You don't group up. You talk to everyone. It's one BIG conversation. Not several small ones.
It just doesn't feel right. It feels like I'm being torn between two worlds.
*sigh* I have debate work to do.
-KP
It's not even that. It's that they move into the debate room and sit with us, having their own conversation and...making me be dorky, weird, casual Katie instead of pensive, quiet, debate Katie. I LIKE being my debate self. I like being witty and acerbic and dry instead of being giggly and loud. And, sure, I understand that it's not their fault for making me feel like I'm being somehow pulled back into their world unwittingly. It's just that I pick my battles. Some days, I want to eat with them and just be loud and happy and laughing. But sometimes I want to just sit around and listen to John Ward joke around and watch Matt Karam piss off Jason Crystal, and chat with Kern or have a conversation with Leala or something. Like, when I actually want to be loud and wild, outside of the context of school, going places and doing things...that's when they don't want to hang out with me. But when I want to just chill and not have people expect me to talk or something...that's when they invade my territory.
That's what it is. It's my territory. Originally, Desiree and I felt left out, so we just took on a "fuck you all" attitude and started eating lunch together in the debate room, having sarcasm wars and making fun of dumbshit people and laughing and having a great time. Going and getting a salad, then talking to Cuevas/Foster and observing things and having our own, quiet, running commentary of events. That was fun.
And then people come in there and start bringing outside forces in. Like, all of a sudden they're sitting on desks having a nice little chat. That's not what happens in the debate room. You don't group up. You talk to everyone. It's one BIG conversation. Not several small ones.
It just doesn't feel right. It feels like I'm being torn between two worlds.
*sigh* I have debate work to do.
-KP