I Don't Want It

[faerie_dance]

There is no drive left in me.
I feel like there is nothing left to live for.
I didn't want my depression to return.
I wanted Minnesota to be different from New Jersey.
I wanted college to be different from high school.

I want to be loved for once. I want to know there is someone out there who really truly cares for me-

-who thinks I'm beautiful
-smart, funny
-nice to be around.

Confidence? How can you say I'm confident?-
and then constantly point out my low self esteem?

Do you even stop to think that maybe there's a reason for my low self esteem?
I haven't had much chances for anything but the lowest in that matter.

I don't want to be 'Little Miss Tag-a-long."
I don't want people to be nice to me just because they don't know how to be rude.

In NJ people were rude, and they just told me that I was repulsive and that no one wanted to hang with me.
In NJ people just came out and told me.

In NJ I was hated-
In NJ they would hurt me, just to see if I really did feel.

I don't want this anymore. I don't want any of it.

I don't want to be here, but I don't want to go home either.
I just want to die. Throw me some pills, let me overdose now.

Don't worry, I know everything will be alright.
When I'm dead, you won't have to worry about telling me how much you hate me.

I won't be there to listen, I won't be there to mar your perfect day.

I just won't be there anymore.

And then, maybe then-
I'll finally be truly happy.