I'm pretty damn good at math, excell at getting along with others, delight in social situations and am pretty much alone, lonely, and tired of being good at something and hating it at the same time. My uncle would say sometimes you do what you hate in order to do what you love. It works, if you can figure out what you love and learn to make peace with the thing you hate. I'm applying for accounting positions but teaching myself to play the piano. It's something small, but it's a start. I've tried or will try a hundred different hobbies till I find what I'm looking for. I think for now it works to balance my feelings of stagnation with the process of searching for something. It helps me feel like the mud I'm stuck in is only up to my chin and not my eyes.
I don't know if this helps. I just know that for a long time I've felt that I missed something, that indefinable thing that allows others to live their lives and actually enjoy it. To feel pride in what they accomplished, to know their own worth and not look to outward things for validation. I can tell myself it's stupid to look outward to find what should be in me. What I think should be in me. It doesn't keep me from doing it. I know parts of me are missing. For now I'll do what I can to find them. I can only hope I'm able to do more later.
in other news i received your package last week. thank you! i love books. they're one of my favorite things on the planet. i've already started reading one and the others are on the bookshelves. that was really awesome of you. my phone is a bit blitzy at the moment so i was going to send you an e-mail. but you know how you just get bad weeks? last week was definately one of them. hpoefully i'll get a chance to call you soon.
thank you again. for being wonderful and fun and amazing.
I don't know if this helps. I just know that for a long time I've felt that I missed something, that indefinable thing that allows others to live their lives and actually enjoy it. To feel pride in what they accomplished, to know their own worth and not look to outward things for validation. I can tell myself it's stupid to look outward to find what should be in me. What I think should be in me. It doesn't keep me from doing it. I know parts of me are missing. For now I'll do what I can to find them. I can only hope I'm able to do more later.
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in other news i received your package last week. thank you! i love books. they're one of my favorite things on the planet. i've already started reading one and the others are on the bookshelves. that was really awesome of you. my phone is a bit blitzy at the moment so i was going to send you an e-mail. but you know how you just get bad weeks? last week was definately one of them. hpoefully i'll get a chance to call you soon.
thank you again. for being wonderful and fun and amazing.
Reply
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