(no subject)
I think i need to start writing again... for as much as I used too... I haven't in so long i've slipped. hell, my writing is pretty sucky now, even just for everyday things... I guess I'm realizing how much i let work consume me... and even art, I only do what i'm assigned unless someone hounds me for something else. I love work, love the books, even enjoy a good percent of the people I work with... But i never have time to read, customers are assholes, and it generally leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Its been a little better since I took over our community program since I can do something useful instead of feeling like I'm selling my soul to this damned corporation... I get so damned focused on doing everything 100% that I let it take over... hell, I had to have my phone taken away from me on my day off because they kept calling for stupid fucking things that they should have been able to figure out on their own. ~sign~ I don't know... my priorities have gotten mixed up... and I really need to get my head screwed back on straight, before I end up losing the things that are really important. My health has slipped a bit, I sure as hell haven't been eating well, between dashing from work to school, fast food was it... So I'm taking baby steps with that... trying to get back to cooking more which I absolutely love, and am good if not amazing at. spending more time with my dogs... which we bought Ayame and Gaara a small plastic pool today to play in and cool off since they're always outside. Need to start taking them for walks more... I need to start taking my art seriously, and spending more time... I procrastinate... and it doesn't help that even then, I normally have no competition at my level in my classes... I need to try and challenge myself, but the best way for that is to actually have some competition... I'm hoping to get that as I hit some of the upper levels. but need to practice and make myself work harder. I want to write again. hell I enjoyed it. I spent over 4 years working on that damned book and then just dropped it. yeah it needs a lot of work, and a lot of the beginning rewritten since I started it when I was... hell, in the fifth grade? I have all these stories that I started and never finished... all these characters I have given life then left in limbo... Midnight and Faer haven't been brought out in so long that I'm starting to forget the particulars... I miss creating a world that isn't this, and living it through them. I get whispers, ideas, but don't write them down.... so they're just gone. I've let so much that used to be a part of me slip, and wash away. maybe its because these used to be coping things for me when i wasn't doing well... when i was spiraling... I am in a much better place now, but i don't want to lose everything I used to be... just the harmful self destructive parts of me... I want parts of myself from before back... but i really am not sure how to get them back. Oh well... Guess i'll figure it out one way or another... maybe its because a lot of my character development came from roleplaying and I haven't done that in forever... anyone wanna do some back and forth rp with me?