(no subject)
I try not to be insecure. I really do. And I fail.
Like tonight. I was looking at myself in the mirror, and going, "What did he see in you?"
I broke up with my last guy, he didn't break up with me. But he always told me how beautiful and sexy he thought I was, and he acted like he really meant what he was saying. But when I look in the mirror, I see my fat...fat belly, fat thighs, fat arms...and I'm like, How could he see this as beautiful?
And I get that some guys like their girls "well-rounded" or 'rubenesque" or whatever nice word you want to use for fat. And he was one of them. But I still don't get it. I can't see all this flab as beautiful, and I can't see how he did either.
But I do miss him...even if he pushed too hard, and I gave him things that I shouldn't have, such as my virginity..,sigh. I miss him. And it sucks. Because he made me feel like I was beautiful and desirable and all those good things, and without him, I can't even see a glimmer of it. Yet, i don't want to be one of those girls who only feels beautiful if she's got a man on her arm...but it was nice while it lasted.
Aren't I a lovely, lively contradiction in terms?
Like tonight. I was looking at myself in the mirror, and going, "What did he see in you?"
I broke up with my last guy, he didn't break up with me. But he always told me how beautiful and sexy he thought I was, and he acted like he really meant what he was saying. But when I look in the mirror, I see my fat...fat belly, fat thighs, fat arms...and I'm like, How could he see this as beautiful?
And I get that some guys like their girls "well-rounded" or 'rubenesque" or whatever nice word you want to use for fat. And he was one of them. But I still don't get it. I can't see all this flab as beautiful, and I can't see how he did either.
But I do miss him...even if he pushed too hard, and I gave him things that I shouldn't have, such as my virginity..,sigh. I miss him. And it sucks. Because he made me feel like I was beautiful and desirable and all those good things, and without him, I can't even see a glimmer of it. Yet, i don't want to be one of those girls who only feels beautiful if she's got a man on her arm...but it was nice while it lasted.
Aren't I a lovely, lively contradiction in terms?