New Moon Dismantle
It's coming along slowly. I originally dismantled it IN THE BOOK, with my horrible chicken-scratchy handwriting, because I couldn't find a free PDF download for my screenshots. Then I found one on the Pirate Bay and screenshot it with the intent or transferring my comments in via Paint.NET, as I always do. However, New Moon as a book is so incredibly tedious that it makes transferring the comments tedious. Also there are only so many times and so many ways that you can spit out the phrases "cut the emo bullshit", "lay down the hint sledgehammer", "stop with the purple prose", and "you selfish cunt" before it becomes redundant anyway.
So my thoughts are that it will be quite a while between updates.
In the meantime, I will also be working a dismantle on Newborn: a vampire love story starring Hayley, a fantastically bad (and incredibly insulting) failfic about a super-special Sue named Hayley Pratt who becomes a vampire after Edward Cullen bites... her head. Yeah, okay. So then something happens, and she dies (thankfully) but no, it doesn't end there. Hayley (somehow) gets into Heaven, has a threesome with God and Jesus (who are on all technicalities the same person, but nevermind), which results in the two of them, but not her, getting sent to Hell. Hayley is now the new God. So then some more shit happens, more sexeh times, and of course the Sue is the only one who can save the world (and the vampires) when an all-out nuclear war breaks out (or that was my understanding of it). There's also something about Hayley being one of the last vampires who can reproduce and a fertility machine or something. I don't know. The plot gets so muddled after a while that I cannot even begin to follow it.
She rapes canon in the ass with a rusty spoon sideways so many times that I cannot even begin to wield my canon hammer because I simply don't know where to start, or what the hell is supposed to be going on.
She is also probably the most racist thing since Hitler. Memorable quotes to support this statement include:
"Well, here's how tha deely-o was rupted. I was goin' marry heavenly but i dunno where she's now dogg, so that indian foo told me to take my ass here, mothafucka." - Jacob Black, who she can't seem to remember is Native American due to his last name, Chapter Twenty-Five
She was dressed like the black girl on the aunt gemima pancakes except she wasn’t black or anything, she was a Christian. - Hayley on her mother, Chapter Three
"Yo, yo, yo how's this hot mamma doing in my hizz-house?" he asked me in ghetto language, because he is black.
"I'm good now." i said, pushing james away. I'm an independent woman! "Do you know where the prezz is you home skillin' biscuit?"I had to talk ghetto because blacks don't get normal talk. - Corey [Corey in the House; Disney Channel] and Hayley.
"well girlfriend, this white boy he came round stirring up shit and he said he was gonna blow a cap in my sugar daddy's head!" Michelle-fucking-Obama.
"Be strong GIRL!" I told her."Don't follow us. If you wait here I'll buy you some chicken and cool-aid, okay?" - Hayley to Michelle Obama.
Sigh. I don't even usually crusade against racism. Don't get me wrong, I don't agree with it, but hell, it's just not one of my issues with the world. But this. This is just TERRIBLE. Add to that the fact that the author routinely insists that he is not racist and "even talks to black people sometimes", and it's just flat-out disgusting.
I could rant on forever about it, but well, wouldn't you rather check out the horrible dismantle when it's posted?