another one kids

[faeaeval]

ok so i dont get it...I spent THREE FUCKING YEARS WANTING TO GO OUT TO THE CITY AND GO TO THE BARS AND CLUBS THREE FUCKING YEARS....and in 2 weeks he's fucking mister club hopper in new haven...that shit is just one step and one sign that its fucking over...and he cant even really let me go.."im his, my boobies are his, and apparently i have no place to 'go out" but then its peace when it get s to hard to be with me cause you have to exhibit some emotion...Im so mad right now i could spit...or cry, which is more likely what i'll do...how is this fair...how is it fair that when we were together "officially" all i wanbted to do was have fun with him and be young too and he cant weven fathom including me in on thayt anymore...I fucking wanted it to be relaxing and fun, and easy a year ago..and he made it this way...its not fair...its not fair...what the hell ids going on here...i cant even explain...oh im crying now...*sigh* this is a slap to the face...you couldnt do this with me cause you were tired and ugh i never see my friends...but god damn it you fucking asshole now youre mister clubby mcclub club. whats wrong with me god damn it...wh ywouldnt he want to do this with me...with me atleast you had a hot girl there with you, we could relax, dance, get a little happy...come home horny from all the flirting and dancing and bang till we pass out tired and happy....and NOW its all a fucking lie everyything there ever wwas between us its a fucking lie...he dididnt love me and said it anyway...how awful is that...it asnot fair..he promised to NEVER lie to me....NEVER ...and he told the biggest lie you could ever...everyday i think to myself...its going to be ok...youre strong, and i want to be...fuck i went out...not doing much but still i left, not staying here...and like i dont expect him to be waiting here for me god for fucking bid, but it would be...fucking nice...if he showed some respect to what we fyucking had and STILLL fucking have...this is still soooo awful, even when im soooo mad, i still wish for it all to work, i just wish i didnt want this so badly and he fuucking got over whatever obsession he has with doing it all so big and going nuts...i never once wanted to stop this part I FUCKING WANTED TO HAVE FUN....WHY DOESNT HE WANT TO HAVE IT WITH ME....WJHATS WRONG WITH ME...?????????????????

i wish there was a way out of all of this...permenantly. i hate life...how is this right? why me? whats wrong with me. whats wrong?