Resolution + Being Disowned ... joy.
I'm not even really sure where to begin here. SIGH. I guess I'll start with the drama with my Mother that lead up to the resolution with the rings.
Today, I thought I'd be nice and go over to Mom's and get groceries for her and then take Charlie (my dog) for a few days. Everything was going okay until she calls me to come earlier because she thinks Charlie has bronchitus and wants me to come take him to the vet. She, of course, insists on going with me. Just as a brief backstory: Charlie has a collapsing trachea and so he doesn't get as much air as he should and he's on bronchial dialators (sp?) to keep his airways open. Anyway, she tells me I can't take him if he's sick. So, I have to wonder if she just took him to the vet purely for that.
At any rate, we get into it at the vet's office because she's telling the vet that Charlie barks all the time and she thinks he's senile, doesn't eat and acts confused and irritable and nuts. Well. I had him for three weeks while she was in the hospital and he did not act like that. Not at all. I think he's really anxious in her house bc she is sick and depressed and ... crazy. So, I try to tell the vet that he doesn't behave that way around me just to let him know that Charlie does NOT need medication for being senile. Good lord. So - my Mother won't let me tell the vet that Charlie acts normal around me and keeps saying that she takes care of him and she knows what he's like, even to the point of putting her hand in my face at the vet's office and telling the Vet that she was going to "pop" me. Stupid. really. -- Anyway -- the vet determines that Charlie does NOT have bronchitis. He does have a heart murmur but it's mild. I think she's making him sick and depressed and nuts. She won't let me have him back, she says she's been taking care of him for ten years -- well. I was in school and then she wouldn't let me have him back.
So, we get back home with her being silent the whole way. When we get back to the house, she tells me to sit down and that she wants to have a little "chat" with me. I tell her very plainly "No. I'm not doing that with you today. I'll be happy to go get your groceries, but I'm not doing that with you today." and she proceeds to tell me that if I want any kind of Mother/Daughter relationship with her that I better sit down. Well, at that point, I tell her I don't have to do anything. I also tell her that she has two choices "Either I take your list and go get you groceries or I go home." The whole thing just escalates.
Then I tell her that she's going to have to tell my Dad about the rings, especially since he's sent her that letter. She then begins to deny knowing anything about the letter, which is bullshit. She mentioned it to me several days ago and talked about the contents of it. She does not physically have the letter because the person who handles her bank stuff while she is in the hospital has it since it came with her alimony check. However, it has been read to her and I have told her about it, so there's no excuse. She knows my Dad wants the rings back. So -- at this point, she's lyng to my face. Glorious. I have not eaten all day and she's being more insane than I can handle. She wants to over medicate my poor dog and now she's lying about the letter. So ... I do something I probably shouldn't have and grab for the list and say "just give me the fucking list." because I wanted to get out of the house.
She goes on about how I can't talk to her like that, which snaps something in me that was probably ready to break for years anyway and finally I look her in the face and say "I am so sick of you! I'm sick of you being a victim. I'm just sick of it. Take care of yourself. " It should also be mentioned that previous I told her that since she refused to tell my Dad about the rings being stolen that I would tell him.
At any rate, she starts telling me that I'm not her daughter anymore and to get out of her house, etc. And again, in a moment of broken-ness that has been building maybe my whole life, I turn around and rather loudly and forcefully say "F**K YOU" and slam the door and leave. Not my proudest moment, but this is a woman who has verbally and sometimes borderline physically abused me my whole life in the name of being a victim over various and sundry things. The aftermath of this is that now apparently I am never allowed to see my dog again. She has told my Aunt that he can come over here, but only if I am not here. This has gotten so far out of hand, I don't even know what to do.
Onward to ...
I drive over to my Dad's house and I tell him everything. Thankfully, his head does not explode and he takes it better than I thought he would. He thinks she hid the rings. I have no clue what happened. But, it turned into a pleasant dinner and a gin and tonic. So ... that turned out much better than I had anticipated. He now has the case info and the police report info and I have washed my hands of it. He's also not trying to involve me, thank god.
So ... yeah. I guess that's it. I don't know how to proceed with my Mother now. My plan currently is to send her a letter or card apologizing for blowing up but saying that we need some time apart.
Today, I thought I'd be nice and go over to Mom's and get groceries for her and then take Charlie (my dog) for a few days. Everything was going okay until she calls me to come earlier because she thinks Charlie has bronchitus and wants me to come take him to the vet. She, of course, insists on going with me. Just as a brief backstory: Charlie has a collapsing trachea and so he doesn't get as much air as he should and he's on bronchial dialators (sp?) to keep his airways open. Anyway, she tells me I can't take him if he's sick. So, I have to wonder if she just took him to the vet purely for that.
At any rate, we get into it at the vet's office because she's telling the vet that Charlie barks all the time and she thinks he's senile, doesn't eat and acts confused and irritable and nuts. Well. I had him for three weeks while she was in the hospital and he did not act like that. Not at all. I think he's really anxious in her house bc she is sick and depressed and ... crazy. So, I try to tell the vet that he doesn't behave that way around me just to let him know that Charlie does NOT need medication for being senile. Good lord. So - my Mother won't let me tell the vet that Charlie acts normal around me and keeps saying that she takes care of him and she knows what he's like, even to the point of putting her hand in my face at the vet's office and telling the Vet that she was going to "pop" me. Stupid. really. -- Anyway -- the vet determines that Charlie does NOT have bronchitis. He does have a heart murmur but it's mild. I think she's making him sick and depressed and nuts. She won't let me have him back, she says she's been taking care of him for ten years -- well. I was in school and then she wouldn't let me have him back.
So, we get back home with her being silent the whole way. When we get back to the house, she tells me to sit down and that she wants to have a little "chat" with me. I tell her very plainly "No. I'm not doing that with you today. I'll be happy to go get your groceries, but I'm not doing that with you today." and she proceeds to tell me that if I want any kind of Mother/Daughter relationship with her that I better sit down. Well, at that point, I tell her I don't have to do anything. I also tell her that she has two choices "Either I take your list and go get you groceries or I go home." The whole thing just escalates.
Then I tell her that she's going to have to tell my Dad about the rings, especially since he's sent her that letter. She then begins to deny knowing anything about the letter, which is bullshit. She mentioned it to me several days ago and talked about the contents of it. She does not physically have the letter because the person who handles her bank stuff while she is in the hospital has it since it came with her alimony check. However, it has been read to her and I have told her about it, so there's no excuse. She knows my Dad wants the rings back. So -- at this point, she's lyng to my face. Glorious. I have not eaten all day and she's being more insane than I can handle. She wants to over medicate my poor dog and now she's lying about the letter. So ... I do something I probably shouldn't have and grab for the list and say "just give me the fucking list." because I wanted to get out of the house.
She goes on about how I can't talk to her like that, which snaps something in me that was probably ready to break for years anyway and finally I look her in the face and say "I am so sick of you! I'm sick of you being a victim. I'm just sick of it. Take care of yourself. " It should also be mentioned that previous I told her that since she refused to tell my Dad about the rings being stolen that I would tell him.
At any rate, she starts telling me that I'm not her daughter anymore and to get out of her house, etc. And again, in a moment of broken-ness that has been building maybe my whole life, I turn around and rather loudly and forcefully say "F**K YOU" and slam the door and leave. Not my proudest moment, but this is a woman who has verbally and sometimes borderline physically abused me my whole life in the name of being a victim over various and sundry things. The aftermath of this is that now apparently I am never allowed to see my dog again. She has told my Aunt that he can come over here, but only if I am not here. This has gotten so far out of hand, I don't even know what to do.
Onward to ...
I drive over to my Dad's house and I tell him everything. Thankfully, his head does not explode and he takes it better than I thought he would. He thinks she hid the rings. I have no clue what happened. But, it turned into a pleasant dinner and a gin and tonic. So ... that turned out much better than I had anticipated. He now has the case info and the police report info and I have washed my hands of it. He's also not trying to involve me, thank god.
So ... yeah. I guess that's it. I don't know how to proceed with my Mother now. My plan currently is to send her a letter or card apologizing for blowing up but saying that we need some time apart.