Help me. I don't know what to do.
I will elaborate more on my Grandmother's death in another, more poetic and reflective post. This one, unfortunately is centered around old drama between my parents that has resurfaced. I have been unintentionally thrust into the middle of it and am not in a position where I am partial to some volatile information that I don't know what to do with or how to handle.
My parents divorced when I was about 7 years old. When I was about 5, my Great Grandmother (Grandma Mary for future ref.) passed away. This was my Father's Grandmother. My Mother ended up with her wedding rings because at the time my Parents were married. She swears that my Grandfather gave them to her and that they were sized for her and what not. Apparently, since my Parent's divorced, my Dad has been wanting those rings back in his family. It should also be noted that over 20 years later, my Mother will not accept the fact that she is no longer a Hunt. It should also be noted that my Mother is completely unstable.
So, flash forward a bit. Right before my Grandmother passed away, she asked me about the rings and where they were randomly. I told her that my Mom had them with the intention of passing them on to either me or Jennifer and she seemed satisfied with that. Flash forward a little more to after her death. My Father, of course, is grieving the loss of both of his Parents in a short time period. My Grandfather passed in December. He now emphatically wants those rings back because he wants to keep both his Grandparents and his Parents wedding ring sets together. Understandable.
So, this news travels to my Mother, who starts crying and talking about how much the rings mean to her, etc. She's not giving them up. My Dad writes her a letter explaining that he would never keep a family heirloom of hers and telling her not to involve me or my sister. I read the letter, it was civil and rational. Two things my Mother is not. So ... anyway, it's this battle now.
I went to visit my Mother, who just got out of the hospital yesterday. While I'm over there she is unusually calm. She sits on the edge of the sofa, almost like a little girl would and starts very calmly and almost methodically telling me about the new health care worker that had been at the house and how she didn't work out. That she was older and had had a heart attack, etc. She called the agency to voice her concern. Apparently, the agency relayed the info to the woman, so when she showed up the day before yesterday she had an attitude.
I'm just beginning to wonder why my Mom is telling me all of this when she gets really quiet and gets this (even more so) glazed over look like she was dead or going to pass out or ... something. Alarmed, of course, I ask her if she's okay. She then starts looking up at the ceiling and crying and says "and then something bad happened, but I can't tell you" ... so we go round and round with this for a few minutes. Much like you would with a little kid that broke a window or something. I started to ask her to tell me at least WHY she couldn't tell me and the answer was "you'll hate me" ... so now I'm really freaked out because she's telling me that something bad happened related to this worker but that she can't tell me because I'll hate her. So -- I have to go through the "You know I will always love you no matter what happened. I promise not to hate you, but I need you to tell me what's wrong so that I can help you." Much like you would , again, talk to a troubled child.
Finally, she starts to talk and starts saying that it's not her fault and that when the woman left she noticed that some things were gone. I immediately knew and said "Grandma Mary's wedding rings?" and she just started going "Oh, god. Oh, god." and crying and carrying on. She says that she has not left the house and that this woman was the only other woman to be in the house with her. I tell her that she needs to file a police report so that they can start checking the pawn shops in town.
She keeps saying that the agency that employs the woman is going to file the police report and that they are going through all the proper procedures and that they are supposed to call her back and update her on Monday. Now - I don't know, but I think if a report is filed because it was HER valuables that SHE would have to file the report herself. She keeps saying that she wants to give it a few days to see if the rings resurface because she doesn't want an innocent woman to lose her job, etc.
HOWEVER -- she says that she did NOT misplace them, that she's not nuts, and that nobody else had been in the house. So, why she wants to wait a few days and see? I have NO idea. She won't listen to me about going ahead and filing a report and she won't let me tell anybody about it - particularly my dad.
Now, I also asked her ... I said directly, no bones about it. "I need you to tell me if you hid the rings." I hate that I had to ask that, but I had to. She got offended, but didn't fly off the handle or start crying or anything. Which is mildly unusual. She just said it made her feel small for me to ask her that and how could I ...would she be crying, etc if she was lying and that she hadn't eaten all day because she was too upset.
So now the situation I am in is this: What the hell do I do? Do I go ahead and tell my Father what is going on? He's already upset and if I tell him this now, he's going to explode and it's going to get really REALLY ugly for my Mom. However, I am afraid that if I do NOT tell my Dad and he knows that I had this information and did not immediately come to him with it that it's going to get nasty for ME. And granted, if I tell my Dad - my Mom will hate me ... if I don't tell my Dad, my Dad won't hate me ...but ... I don't know how bad the reaction would be.
I want to do the adult thing, to be honest, and tell my Dad. I feel like he deserves to know because every second those rings are out there IF they are really stolen counts.
So ...advice please? I'm sick over this. I don't want to be in the middle and maybe I shouldn't have pushed my Mom into telling me, but I feel like I was goaded into asking her what was wrong because she set the whole story up and then stopped and started crying and then telling me that she couldn't tell me, etc. I feel baited and I hate it. Sorry this entry was so long, but I don't know what to do and it's making me want to throw up.
My parents divorced when I was about 7 years old. When I was about 5, my Great Grandmother (Grandma Mary for future ref.) passed away. This was my Father's Grandmother. My Mother ended up with her wedding rings because at the time my Parents were married. She swears that my Grandfather gave them to her and that they were sized for her and what not. Apparently, since my Parent's divorced, my Dad has been wanting those rings back in his family. It should also be noted that over 20 years later, my Mother will not accept the fact that she is no longer a Hunt. It should also be noted that my Mother is completely unstable.
So, flash forward a bit. Right before my Grandmother passed away, she asked me about the rings and where they were randomly. I told her that my Mom had them with the intention of passing them on to either me or Jennifer and she seemed satisfied with that. Flash forward a little more to after her death. My Father, of course, is grieving the loss of both of his Parents in a short time period. My Grandfather passed in December. He now emphatically wants those rings back because he wants to keep both his Grandparents and his Parents wedding ring sets together. Understandable.
So, this news travels to my Mother, who starts crying and talking about how much the rings mean to her, etc. She's not giving them up. My Dad writes her a letter explaining that he would never keep a family heirloom of hers and telling her not to involve me or my sister. I read the letter, it was civil and rational. Two things my Mother is not. So ... anyway, it's this battle now.
I went to visit my Mother, who just got out of the hospital yesterday. While I'm over there she is unusually calm. She sits on the edge of the sofa, almost like a little girl would and starts very calmly and almost methodically telling me about the new health care worker that had been at the house and how she didn't work out. That she was older and had had a heart attack, etc. She called the agency to voice her concern. Apparently, the agency relayed the info to the woman, so when she showed up the day before yesterday she had an attitude.
I'm just beginning to wonder why my Mom is telling me all of this when she gets really quiet and gets this (even more so) glazed over look like she was dead or going to pass out or ... something. Alarmed, of course, I ask her if she's okay. She then starts looking up at the ceiling and crying and says "and then something bad happened, but I can't tell you" ... so we go round and round with this for a few minutes. Much like you would with a little kid that broke a window or something. I started to ask her to tell me at least WHY she couldn't tell me and the answer was "you'll hate me" ... so now I'm really freaked out because she's telling me that something bad happened related to this worker but that she can't tell me because I'll hate her. So -- I have to go through the "You know I will always love you no matter what happened. I promise not to hate you, but I need you to tell me what's wrong so that I can help you." Much like you would , again, talk to a troubled child.
Finally, she starts to talk and starts saying that it's not her fault and that when the woman left she noticed that some things were gone. I immediately knew and said "Grandma Mary's wedding rings?" and she just started going "Oh, god. Oh, god." and crying and carrying on. She says that she has not left the house and that this woman was the only other woman to be in the house with her. I tell her that she needs to file a police report so that they can start checking the pawn shops in town.
She keeps saying that the agency that employs the woman is going to file the police report and that they are going through all the proper procedures and that they are supposed to call her back and update her on Monday. Now - I don't know, but I think if a report is filed because it was HER valuables that SHE would have to file the report herself. She keeps saying that she wants to give it a few days to see if the rings resurface because she doesn't want an innocent woman to lose her job, etc.
HOWEVER -- she says that she did NOT misplace them, that she's not nuts, and that nobody else had been in the house. So, why she wants to wait a few days and see? I have NO idea. She won't listen to me about going ahead and filing a report and she won't let me tell anybody about it - particularly my dad.
Now, I also asked her ... I said directly, no bones about it. "I need you to tell me if you hid the rings." I hate that I had to ask that, but I had to. She got offended, but didn't fly off the handle or start crying or anything. Which is mildly unusual. She just said it made her feel small for me to ask her that and how could I ...would she be crying, etc if she was lying and that she hadn't eaten all day because she was too upset.
So now the situation I am in is this: What the hell do I do? Do I go ahead and tell my Father what is going on? He's already upset and if I tell him this now, he's going to explode and it's going to get really REALLY ugly for my Mom. However, I am afraid that if I do NOT tell my Dad and he knows that I had this information and did not immediately come to him with it that it's going to get nasty for ME. And granted, if I tell my Dad - my Mom will hate me ... if I don't tell my Dad, my Dad won't hate me ...but ... I don't know how bad the reaction would be.
I want to do the adult thing, to be honest, and tell my Dad. I feel like he deserves to know because every second those rings are out there IF they are really stolen counts.
So ...advice please? I'm sick over this. I don't want to be in the middle and maybe I shouldn't have pushed my Mom into telling me, but I feel like I was goaded into asking her what was wrong because she set the whole story up and then stopped and started crying and then telling me that she couldn't tell me, etc. I feel baited and I hate it. Sorry this entry was so long, but I don't know what to do and it's making me want to throw up.