God Bless Catastrophe - Chapter Twelve | Fatally Yours
Pairing: Tora x Saga, allusions to Shou x Hiroto, Shou x OFC
(throughout entire story | BOLDED = specific to chapter)
Rating: R (solid)
Genre: Suspense, Drama, Action, Angst, Dark, AU, Chaptered
Story Summary: Sanity comes in many forms, but so does insanity. We all walk the line of both, a delicate balance of the pieces that constitute our make up - mentally, emotionally and physically. How many pieces can be removed, or added, before the balance is entirely destroyed? Where does the catalyst come from? Is there a bridge to repair damage done? Hiroto is both plagued by and coming to understand that maybe these sorts of questions can’t be answered.
"I’m not crazy…are you?"
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Ash's feet carried him where he needed to go, where he thought he wanted to be. As he stood outside the club, some dozens of feet away, he waited. He had been inside before and though he understood the silence that it had brought down on Hiroto and Shou he couldn't bring himself to comfort them. He wanted them to understand that he was sorry for it and that he could sympathize with the horrors they'd witnessed within but also that they were not mentally stable for wanting to go inside in the first place; regardless of Tora or not. The visiugo should have gone, they had the will power and fortitude to defend against the monsters inside.
The two types creatures were not exactly enemies, though their lives did often intermingle in battle as they viewed the world differently; but the visiugo were a peaceful people, provided they weren't plagued with the diseased form of the mutation. Those that were born to be visiugo wanted to live peacefully with the world and nature as a whole. Though vampires, to them, were considered unnatural they didn't want to rid the world of them simply because of it. Ash had learned that the visiugo mindset was that any creature could have a place in the hierarchy of life; that evolution was natural and they were willing to give vampires that chance despite what they'd seen the monsters do.
Aiko and Daichi had different reasons to be as aggressive as they were, where most of their kind was calm and serene. Shiki had insisted that both would outgrow it. Aiko was resentful for who she was because of the constant borage of rejection that came with being a 'creature' and not a human. Daichi's broodish way was for the misjudgment that often followed their kind. But Shiki was determined to let them live out their distaste and bitter resentment for who they were with the knowledge that both would come to appreciate it in due time.
Ash paced the length of the sidewalk muttering to himself in English as he did it. His fingers had taken to comfortably rubbing the ends of his vest as he ran what had been said between himself and Payton over and over. There were hundreds of other answers he would have been happier to give had he had time to consider what he was saying. Though Ash was the sort to consider what had happened exactly what it was supposed to be without fear of regret, lately he’d been more apt to reflect on how he could have changed what was done or said. Typically he would look back only to see how he could change it in the future, not in such a way that the past acted as a vice he was forced to repeat. Though Ash was more out of his element than he’d been in a long while so he was plagued with regret.
When it had been he and Payton, both of which embraced that they were mortal and walking a very short plank to their death by dabbling in the world they did, he had been much less prone to worry though Ash, like Payton, was built from worry. They both handled it differently. They were, instead, once again the ushers of those who shouldn’t be part of this dark world and therefore responsible for their safety, knowledge and health. Ash considered it a personal failure that Tora had been inside and likely hurt, he also was stuck in the loop of knowing that Aiko’s death was at their hands for the fact that he’d given Tora the means by which to find what he had empowering him to feed his curiosity. Furthermore there was Nao, whom was Ash’s focus.
Though he had not heard anyone say she was dead, Ash knew it. He was not naive enough to consider any alternative. His hand dipped into his pocket and he pulled out a small scrap of paper that was neatly folded into a perfect square. He carefully unfolded it and looked at the words within, his eyes left the paper only to watch the club across the street once more. The lights of the city had long since died and for the most part the area looked deserted. Ash knew better. It kept him rooted to his spot, and as fate would have it he saw exactly what he’d been waiting for. From the alley adjacent to the vampire’s hedonist club a man stumbled.
Ash swiftly folded the paper back up and plunged it into his pocket as carelessly as Ash ever did anything. He jogged across the street and met the man half way who seemed a little shocked to see him as well as wobbly on his thinner frame. “Nao.” Ash offered him a slight incline of his head.
“Ashton-san.” Nao’s words slurred slightly as he swayed in his spot as if he were drunk. Ash’s usually stoic face turned into a placid mask of pity, sympathy and disgust; however he reached out and caught Nao by the shoulders to steady him in his spot. The second Ash’s fingers came in contact with his shirt Nao’s knees buckled slightly beneath him and Ash had to duck down and use more force to hold him up.
“Come on.” He said quietly leading him to the curb and guiding him down so they could sit. “You need to sit. You need sugar to replace the energy you’ve lost. The blood you’ve donated.” Ash told him softly, though he spat out the end resentfully without meaning to, and didn’t remove his hand from Nao’s shoulder. Nao didn’t comment he simply swayed silently back and forth in his spot.
Ash let the silence envelope them for several long moments. It took Nao slipping over and landing hard against Ash’s side for him to find his voice again. He wrapped one arm around the drummer and let him linger against his side for support. Few could enter Ash’s personal space without him overloading and going entirely nuclear and groom himself until his fingers were raw, sometimes bleeding. Though there was a threshold in which individuals became safe, and therefore weren’t germ infested bombs waiting to explode on him. It was an illogical sort of logic which was inexplicable to anyone but Ash himself. He couldn’t tell when someone would become a safe source, if ever, or when they could enter his personal bubble or when they could share off the same fork or cup as him. However, Nao had somehow crossed that line and Ash, if asked, could likely tell that it was because he understood where the man was coming from by way of personal experience. Though he was the one that Ash had interacted with the least, Ash understood him the most.
“I know.” Ash said quietly to Nao. “I know what it’s like. And I know what you’re up to.” He felt Nao’s shoulders shake slightly under his arm and then his body tighten there. “This will all fall on deaf ears tonight but you have to hear it Nao, you have to hear me.”
Nao’s hands, which had been in his lap, snaked around Ash’s middle and dug into the tweed vest he wore as he clung to the younger man. His shoulders were shaking more as he leaned harder against Ash. The words were sinking into the drummer but he couldn’t find his own voice nor could he find the strength to deny anything Ash said; though he wanted to.
“It will kill you. Make no mistake. You will die if you don’t stop this. Now.” Ash said. There was pain in his voice as the words fell from his lips. Nao’s own pain was obvious from the trembling. He pressed harder against Ash as he spoke. Ash, however, was trapped in a vicious loop of remembrance and his desire to make sure that someone else of value to the world and to others wasn’t hurt or killed in the process. “There are people that you matter to. People that need you. And I’m sure they matter to you too.”
Ash’s voice choked from his own words and how tightly Nao had a hold on him; it was only more evidence that his assessment was right. Nao’s hold, naturally, should not be as strong as it was in that moment. He could remember well what it was like to be in Nao’s place. “You have reason to live Nao-san, more than I did when I abandoned this life. This slow death. You…I understand now why you ignore it. I get why you weren’t there the first night we stumbled on Hiroto, Shou and Aiko in the bar. I get why you were shaking when you came to see Shou in the hospital and I know about your mysterious disappearances. This is a drug you don’t want. This is a life that is worse than death. It’s worse. And what will your friends do when they find you in the alley like Hiroto found that body?”
Nao’s grip loosened only slightly. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said in a voice that matched how his body was trembling. His voice was haunted though his tone was light.
“Of course I do.” Ash said slipping his hand into his pocket and pulling out the scrap of paper. He unfolded it and laid it on his leg so Nao, from his position, could see it. There were an array of strange symbols he didn’t recognize but under the line of bizarre writing was a neat little row of words in both English and Japanese. “The screamer that hit Shou told me. It was a warning. Payton couldn’t decipher the archaic old world magical script, but I did. This was the first night this happened to you, the night Shou was attacked. I bet it felt like you were violated that first time…you must understand you are still being violated no matter what it feels like. No matter the rush - you’re still being used. You’re nothing but a body. A…blood doll. And in this case Nao-san, you are a vendetta.”
Nao’s fingertips touched the paper on Ash’s leg as he read the words to himself quietly. There, in black and white it said: for the one you’re holding safely he will bleed, for the one you keep another will go in his place - one that matters to him, the one who saw what he should not have seen. He has been exposed to us and for his silence he must pay, he must be part of our world to live knowing of it. As he’s unable to do so himself another of import to him will do. The replacement was already necessary with a body having been left dead in the alley, we have our new Blood Doll. Cheers Lionel boys, I’ll give my regards to your families…in hell.’
“It wanted Hiroto, but it found you.”
Nao’s fingers continued to stroke the paper that lay on Ash’s leg. Nao felt helpless, which he hadn’t until Ash arrived. It wasn’t until someone knew that he didn’t feel empowered by the addiction he’d taken on by way of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Nao remembered that night, the first time, and he remembered it well. He had gone up to the bar alone, leaving Saga and Tora to speak quietly to each other with the intent on returning when she lured him away. Though he had noticed that her eyes had been on Hiroto. He had assumed it would be a way in which he could be a tool to get to Hiroto as she appeared to really have an attraction appetite for the tiny guitarist. It was in the dark alley way that she stripped him that night, stripped him of his dignity and gave him a something he wouldn’t understand - a powerful addiction.
She had strength he couldn’t fathom and she pinned him to the wall. At first Nao had been afraid and aroused by the idea that she wanted him, but he couldn’t fathom the sort of lust she sought. He didn’t notice her teeth until they sank into his flesh. It was, at first, terrifying. It hurt for only a moment, then it turned into something of a continued euphoric pleasure. But that was not what kept him, though it could have drawn him. It was after she’d raped him of his blood that she offered something back. She bit into her own tongue, allowing a small laceration to spill blood into her mouth and her lips met his in a heated kiss letting the liquid pass from her to him. It was an impassioned moment that he hadn’t the will to fight; offering him the intoxicating and intensely addictive high of a bit of her blood mingled with his that she’d taken from him moments before. It was that, the hope and desire, she would offer a bit of herself to him that drew him back ever time.
He hadn’t any idea what it was doing to him emotionally or physically. It acted in the same fashion heroine or meth might only on a level that exceeded anything like that. Nao hadn’t realized yet but he hadn’t eaten in days and he got irritable for reasons unknown to him at the smallest of things. He was a mess, but that was something he hadn’t noticed either as he tried to hide what he’d become, he tired to hide the addiction. That was the very reason he didn’t want to admit to Ash that what he was saying was true.
“They only keep you alive and don’t pin you to the walls or ceilings or simply kill you because it would draw attention. You are a liability because you know of them. It’s why they didn’t kill me too. I explained to your friend once that they only kill people who no one will look for and even then it’s rare. That remains true. A body that can be repaired and healed to bleed another day is one worth saving. And the reason you’re alive now and in the position you’re in is because your friend was already exposed to this dark and disgusting life. It’s not because you were selected Nao, it’s because you’re convenient.” Ash said stiffly in his worry but then he found a bit of edge to help push Nao enough to get him to speak. “Are you a wrist feeder or a thigh? Perhaps you’re a neck feeder.” Ash and drawn one of Nao’s hands up to have a look at his exposed wrist.
Ash’s mouth stopped moving and his jaw went slightly slack as he spotted what he expected to see on Nao’s wrist. Though there was more to it than the puncture wounds and more than he anticipated. A wave of ice passed him landing in his stomach like a hard knot and he shuttered. For a moment Ash thought he might be sick. Next to the fresh red wounds on Nao’s wrist as a tiny intentional mark, a brand of sorts. However Ash’s hesitation opened an opportunity for Nao to jerk his arm back with all his might and he pulled away from Ash some, wobbling more in his spot. He cringed some and shook his head. “No, you’re wrong.” Nao mumbled.
“I’m not wrong.” Ash snapped and jerkily went to unbuttoning the cuff of his crisp shirt. He flicked the material back and flipped his own wrist toward Nao. There were two healed and raised scarred spots on his flesh adjacent to a mark that looked strikingly like a small tattoo; the same one that Nao bore. “Your mistress is Elisa…you have the same brand I do. I know Nao; look at me!” Ash snapped and lashed out catching the shorter man by his shoulders and shook him lightly where they sat on the curb. Despite his efforts Nao would not look up. “She’s beautiful and seductive. I bet her English features caught you. She was from England in the seventeenth century. I know her story well. But I know her - just as you do. It’s her mark; she brands all her hosts - all her dolls. It’s because of her that we’re here in Japan. We came to kill her, we followed her, and because that hasn’t happened yet I owe you an apology. If we had done our job you wouldn’t be as you are. As you will be, I can tell you’re not listening.” Ash barked giving Nao another shake of the shoulders.
“The don’t kill the dolls they use them. They don’t pin them up and then let them down only to cage them like animals because they expect someone will notice they’re missing. Payton was a prisoner, a stolen doctor to heal those from the masochistic parties they throw. He was a slave to them, just like the sheep they place up there every night. Not the blood dolls, no - they’ve coveted property. Do you hear me!? She thinks of you as property!” Ash’s voice was getting sharper for the fact that he was trying, despite the fact that he knew he wasn’t making ground, to get Nao to hear and understand him. His fingertips dug into Nao’s shoulder as he tried fruitlessly to get the man to look at him.
“You’re not a person anymore she’s keeping you as a status symbol to feed her lust for blood; for young male blood. She’s baiting you and you’re…you’re buying it. I thought - I thought I had nothing left to live for. That I had no reason. No reason to get up in the morning, no reason to eat, no reason to do anything - to live. It’s why I let her take me, I let her take me. I let her have me so they would let Payton go; so they wouldn’t keep him as their physician so they could continue to bleed people and then cycle them through rotations of blood letting. It was a bargain I tried to offer. They didn’t let him go though. She merely took me as a prize and kept him to fuel their blood bath parties. Even still I thought I had no reason to live, I thought that I was in the best spot I could be until I realized I had a reason. Payton was the only family I had left and that was enough. You have four reasons that I know of. What if it was you Hiroto-san found in that alley that night? Or tomorrow? Or a week from now. Do you really want to be responsible for that? He didn’t even know that man and it’s paying hell on his psyche. What if it was you?”
Nao reached up and caught Ash’s wrists and pulled his hands off his shoulders. Finally his eyes moved up to look at Ash. His eyes were red from the high he was still experiencing by what he’d been given that night, bits of vampire blood to lure him back only so they could use him to drink from again. Though as they did that he was granted a small measure of the giving vampire’s abilities; it’s why Nao was stronger than Ash had expected. His face was expressionless yet drawn, pale and sickly from the blood loss and lack of eating or sleeping which was enhanced by his recent donation to the vampire’s cause. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. This is…it’s not what you said. Not what it looks like. That’s not…it’s not what’s happening.”
Ash was disgusted, he shook his head sharply and his eyes closed as he snorted in irritation. It was what he expected. “I’ll tell them, I plan on it; next time I see them. Your friends will have to save you from this…since you won’t save yourself.” Ash said plainly. The addiction, for the blood doll, was a powerful beast that was, in Ash’s experience, impossible to overcome. It, like other mundane addictions, took personal desire to break and even then it didn’t secure recovery. Ash knew of no one that had broken free from the addiction, save himself. But because of it, he knew it was possible. The problem was that it wasn’t simply a high, there were so many elements involved. It started with the pleasure that came from the actual vampire drinking. It was sensual and seductive, like an addiction to the physical pleasures of the body. There was the feeling of being wanted by someone fulfilling the ego and furthermore the actual addiction to a small amount of vampire blood. Too much taken from a human and too much returned by the vampire would result in the siring of a new vampire; that was a thing that was highly controlled by the vampire community. New vampires simply weren’t made without much trouble and answers to higher magical powers. Therefore the vampires were very careful with the amount of blood they shared, it was always just enough to get the host to come back, usually by way of a kiss, which fed the other desires of the addiction. Furthermore the blood of a vampire wasn’t simply a drug that could be produced by some banal means, it was magic and therefore had a much stronger grip on the addicted. It fed humanity’s lust for power, whether the blood doll knew they had an outward hunger for power or a subconscious one - it was always there, latent or active. The addiction drew forth that desire for power that the host would not have without it.
“All blood dolls die Nao, if by them or if because the doll gets abandoned and then feels they have no reason to live and solves the problem themselves by jumping off a building or taking a long slow swing off a balcony by means of a rope.” Ash sat up straighter in his spot.
“Not all blood dolls.” It was a feminine voice that answered Ash’s comment. It was a voice that made Ash go still and his fingertips clung to the sidewalk he hand realized he’d touched. Nao, on the other hand, cowered slightly. He was still in the throws of embracing his addiction and her voice brought forth the best and worst emotions him. “It’s nice of you to return to me…I have missed you.”
Ash didn’t move as the tall and beautiful women knelt down between the two men. “I’m glad you found my message.” She was speaking in English and Nao’s confused and drug heavy brain couldn’t even begin to translate what she was saying; therefore he was left looking at her in awe and adoration while Ash scowled slightly. He knew there was no reason to run or even fight; he could not best her and silently he cursed himself for having been foolish enough to walk right into this.
She was stunning, sickly so, unnaturally so. Ash hadn’t seen her in months and a small part of him was still drawn to her. He could not help himself thought that part was so small he had the fortitude to beat it into submission and keep his senses about him. “I suppose this is it then. I’d rather you kill me than doll me again. Let me meet my family in hell then.” Ash said calmly.
“Go back inside precious.” She told Nao who looked over at her. He didn’t question he simply stood up and tried to stumble back toward the building. It was an event that made Ash go rigid and his blood heat in anger. It wasn’t Nao he was mad at, but the situation and the fact that it was a disgusting display of abused power. Though the anger manifested in a blush that didn’t serve Ash well then as Elisa was quick to notice it. Her finger moved up to run the length of his chin where the blush was most prevalent. “I’m not going to kill you Ash, my lovely, I’m going to keep you though. You meddle so for now…I’ll keep you. Until you’re not use.”
“They’ll notice.” Ash said as her fingers closed around his upper arm. “They’ll notice I’m missing.”
“I’m counting on it.” Her gravely voice responded in a laugh. “And my new toy, my pet Nao, won’t mention your whereabouts. I do have him tied around my little finger after all I can control him by telling him he’ll be not be granted my gifts as long as he misbehaves. I do like him, he’s cute isn’t he?” Her words ended in a long and playful laugh.
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Authors' Notes
Mandy : RAWR!!! I think we’re getting somewhere. Gosh. This story has been a long time coming and these parts over the last few chapters have been the meat and potatoes of our story. This was where we wanted to start, ha! But we’ve tried to build up to this so it makes sense. I hope it still does.
The strange thing about all this is we have a full round vision for this piece; we know what’s going on so it sometimes gets messy as we try and leave out stuff to keep it interesting and not too cumbersome, while putting enough to make it make sense. ^_^
Also, a factoid about this chapter, it takes place at the same time as chapter eleven; well within reason. It takes place mostly at the same time, certainly the same night. We were writing this chapter and eleven simultaneously. They certainly go together. As always, thank you for reading.
Jackie: Ryan Ross! You guys know him? He is a member of Panic! At the Disco--rather he was a member prior to July of this year. Well he helps us mark a pretty big milestone (not really ^_^) in GBC history. :P He is our first original character that is featured on a chapter image. Mandy and I took very careful consideration in casting the original characters but at the same time they have yet to be on images because we don't want to distract from the actual guys--they are the focus of this story, not Ash or Payton or Shiki or Daichi or Aiko--those guys are just supporting. Anywho...we took time to make sure that Payton (who hasn't been used yet) and Ash (thats who Ryan Ross is supposed to be up there--though I am sure you already figured that out ^_^) fit our descriptions--bushy, long hair for Payton (Reid Scott if you want to know--just in case I never actually get him on an image) and then Ryan for Ash--we had to compromise. We either got Ash's spiky hair from Ryan (along with odd make-up similar to that of visual kei ^_^) or we got his vest and tie and such Ash wears. So we picked the latter. :D
The other thing I want to mention is their wrists--normally we haven't been pointing out the clues and hints and little things throughout the story but this is a little different. If you look at Nao and Ash's wrists in the image, you can see the 'tattoo' that they were both branded with--it says, in the same archaic language the screamer was written in, the name 'Elisa'--the vampire who has controlled Ash in the past and now controls Nao.
Thats all I wanted to say. :D Other than thank you!! Mandy said everything else that needed to be said so I will leave it at that. :D!!