DVD EXTRA - Part One: What's Happened to All that We Knew?
All right dudes...we have a little treat. Well I suppose its a treat? Maybe. In the intermission between the end of our trilogy and the beginning of our new chaptered story, we wanted to share something with you. A sort of ahh...well Mandy calls it the "DVD Extra Features" ^_^ So its basically stuff that has NOTHING to do with Alice Nine (or any Jrock band) because its strictly about our original characters.
But actually relates to the trilogy (others will be posted here once the OCs from the new chaptered story make their appearances). SO! This means that this is ENTIRELY ORIGINAL FICTION!!! Okay?!
You'll see, once you click that LJ-cut, why we say this. ^_^
This is exactly how we write stuff--back and forth, a sort of testing out of characters and plot lines and its how we can actually write this shit without having real direction. It helps us see each side of the characters and the situation and its how we know them so well too. It's also how we can write each other's characters so well too.
Therefore whats below the cut is the RAWEST form of our writing. Unedited (so bare with us--if you look at the time stamps you will see they were written quite early ^_^ And some sentences might seem odd or whatever--again, its not completely perfect as its a rough draft of sorts) and NOT in story format. Thats the biggest thing.....one portion is written by one of us and the next is written by the other and we go back and forth with each other, one person writing a single character.
ALSO! Its a little long so it is separated into parts--but at the bottom of each entry will be a link to the NEXT entry that you would need to check out. ^_^
Here we go dudes. ^_^
-J&M
Be warned, the graphics you see here are made for the characters because thats what they look like in our heads. Its what we use to visiualize the characters. ^_^
Characters:
Yoshiki Honami - From GBC, MM, and INTFA
Daichi Yoshida - From GBC, MM, and INFTA
ALSO! Note: Garou means the same thing as visiugo.
________________________
Topic Started: Yesterday, 3:22 PM (43 Views)Append a Poll · Edit Topic Title Post #1Yesterday, 3:22 PM Daichi Yoshida Daichi had been a proverbial mess since the day he was taken by the corax. It was people he trusted, followed by the fact that an imposter of his lover - the one person he trusted with all he had to trust - attempted to kill him. That only spiraled out of control when Aki arrived, he nearly died by an attachment to an evil object used on him, the discovery of Sasha and her being placed in their care, and finally their escape from Japan.
The last had been the hardest hit but he’d managed keeping a straight face, at least that of it that was exposed, and a strong disposition. But with each passing day Daichi felt more dead inside. He couldn’t help but think that everything he’d worked toward, everything they’d worked toward, was falling apart and soon he’d be left in an unfamiliar place alone rather than in an unfamiliar place surrounded by those he loved and trusted.
Shiki’s mother had been his saving grace in all of this. He relied on her too much though and had taken an intentional and purposeful distance from her. She was, in his mind, someone that he should be protecting not one that should be shielding him from the emotional downfall he was headed for. He had separated himself from her and from Shiki as a survival tactic as he tried to scrambled from some semblance of normalcy in their strange new home.
Typically he would have gone straight for Shiki and questioned him to get answers he needed to hear the responses to. Ones he was pretty sure he knew the answers to but at the same time needed to have confirmed in words. He could recall nights, dark ones under stars or lightly lit ones by candle fire, in which they’d talked into the morning hours under the canopy of their nest. Aiko would have long since been asleep and Daichi would hold Shiki as he took to easily coddling his love, or on the rare occasion that Shiki would hold Daichi, and they’d visit every concern or question the other had talking through topics, sometimes the same one, until there was no other end except to embrace what they both already agreed on.
Daichi had learned a lot in those nights. Not just about the way nature intertwined with every living creature or how magic worked harmoniously with specific plants, people and feelings but he learned a lot about who he was and who he wanted to be. He learned unspoken lessons about trust and need to give oneself to another person and absolutely let them have control, even when it was scary to give control to someone else.
It was something he hadn’t done since he was a kid. He had given his trust to Nori and Kisho only to have it shattered. He had lost control of his body and killed a person. Therefore trust and control were things he was unwilling to release; but he had learned, through Shiki, how to do those things. It didn’t matter if he, Shiki, was the only one that ever got them - Daichi’s trust and control - but the fact that they were released to someone else.
Lately it seemed as if all the progress he’d made was being reeled back in and Daichi was getting guarded again. Worse than before and the most terrible part about it was the fact that he could see it happening and was powerless to stop it. He was well aware of what was going on and yet there he was helping it along and he knew of no way to let it go. He had, when Sasha was at school, taken to never being ‘home’. He would volunteer to go on distribution runs or to the outskirts to send messages to Ty or just to scout the neighborhood. Once Sasha was asleep, tucked in by him or Shiki or momma - sometimes a combination of the three - he would leave again.
There was a claim that he’d gone to ensure he knew the city or that the others needed help or that he wanted to learn, but he was well aware that he was escaping…from what he wasn’t sure. Perhaps it was the confines of the house or the empty feeling he got when he passed by Shiki or the way he avoided momma, maybe it was all of those things and more.
Regardless he spent most of the night soaring the sky as close to being an animal as he could, waiting for Shiki to fall asleep or momma to do the same, for Aki to have retired to the room he shared with Garret and even for Anika to stop doing the number of things she did - so he could return to a quite house, in solitude. It wasn’t that he minded the people, he loved having that many people present and that much affection to go around; however no part of him identified with being part of them, he even felt excluded from his lover and therefore he took to the skies where he was certain he was one with.
He could guess that Shiki wasn’t truly sleeping when he returned but it was something he never really commented on and rather pretended the other was just so that he could find some avoidance. He hadn’t come to any decision yet but he knew that something had to happen because he couldn’t continue as he was without dying. His body might go on but certainly not his spirit.
Even still he crawled into the cold bed, opting for being as close to human as he could be that night - rather than sleeping in his bird form, and watched Shiki in the small single bed across from his for a moment before he bit into his lip and ran a hand along she band across his nose. He thought about dropping his head against the pillow and just sleeping as he did the other nights, alone in his own single cot. But instead, out of need or desire - he wasn’t sure, he slipped out of the bed and onto the cold concrete floor and knelt in front of Shiki’s bed, sitting on his heels with his legs tucked under him.
He pulled the blanket up closer to Shiki’s chin and sighed sadly before he rested his forearms on the very edge of Shiki’s bed and then laid his cheek on his hands and watched the man for a moment. “I miss us Shiki-sama.” He whispered quietly to himself.
SanPosts: 18Group: VisiugoMember#270 Joined:Aug 24, 2009
Garou ClanCorax - wereravensCharacter Age23Roommate(s) Yoshiki Honami, Kimiyo Honami and Sasha Honami
Revenge is a confession of pain. ~Unknown
Post #2Yesterday, 7:32 PM Yoshiki Honami Shiki, at first, hadn’t realized something was wrong. Daichi was able to easily convince Shiki that he did intend on scouting the city and finding some baring regarding it. But as the days rolled on and Shiki became uneasy about the entire situation, he was fairly certain it wasn’t just Daichi’s ability to convince him but the fact that Shiki’s attention had been suddenly pulled in a million different directions. In fact, the both of them were tugged in so many difrections and it had disrupted the very balance of their relationship.
The thing Shiki and Daichi had thrived on the most was the fact that they could easily comfort each other. Their late night talks, sometimes just lying with each other without a single word utter, had become one of the strongest parts about them. The fact that Shiki could read Daichi and Daichi could read Shiki came from that strength and it was what kept them from falling apart so easily as the flight had hoped would happen and then intended to make happen.
But that only worked when one of them was overwhelmed; once it became the both of them trying to work things through, physical, emotion or mental, it was suddenly difficult to catch when the other person was in a bad way.
Sasha and his mother worried him the most; mostly because Shiki was certain Daichi was strong enough to handle anything. He didn’t think that there would be too much hitting Daichi at once that not even his usual strength could keep him afloat. Therefore Shiki had focused on trying to help Sasha assimilate and his mother, who he was terrified he’d wrongfully taken from her home, worried him the most as she was in a country where the langue, culture, and values completely contradicted everything she knew. At least, he figured, himself and Sasha and Daichi could communicate with these people well enough to learn more and adapt better. His mother’s incapability to do so worried him.
The fact that nights were rather cold, both from the basement set-up they had and as Shiki couldn’t remember sleeping alone in well over five years; it became even worse when it occurred to him that Daichi wasn’t there. Those first few nights when he left again, after Sasha was asleep and Shiki’s mother was laying down too, Shiki didn’t second guess it. He would find himself upstairs, helping Anika in any way that he could or he’d fall asleep rather quickly.
By the end of the first week, and well into the second, Shiki had started to lose more and more sleep. At first, it didn’t occur to him why he was restless when he laid down, alone in his cot. But eventually, when he realized he hadn’t a moment alone with Daichi, no where near the moments they’d have almost nightly before, his restlessness and his worry made sense.
Shiki wasn’t much of a worrier-certainly not to the degree that Daichi could become as his protectiveness took over. But the moment Shiki began to worry, he even knew it meant something was not right-that something was going very badly. He hated the fact that hadn’t seen Daichi, save for the moments when quite a few others were around, or touched to spoken to him in so very long. It didn’t appear that way to onlookers, especially as their relationship was rather well hidden from those that were unaware it even existed, but they were physically and spiritually and emotionally close to one another. Close enough that even just a few short days without it made Shiki’s heart ache from loneliness.
One of his primary fears of coming to the US was not language barriers or cultural differences that would cause their family stress-though those still did worry him. It was the unfamiliarity of it, the discomfort of living away from their nest (or away the house Kimiyo had lived in for so long) that would be the worst sensation. Not to mention the people; Daichi was there as was his mother and even Sasha but he still missed Kaiko, Aiko and all of her family. It saddened him that amidst the mess of trying to adapt, he hadn’t gotten the chance to write to her and her family.
Beyond that, he knew there would be the stress of who they were actually there with-since the day he’d first proposed the idea of leaving with Aki, Jack and Ryan to Daichi, Shiki had hoped his lover would continue to be pushed for reassurance. At least whenever doubt or hesitancy came up simply because Shiki was absolutely aware of what jealousy it could spark. Particularly as he’d been jealous enough times in his youth to know what caused it. But it was a matter that hadn’t been brought up since that same night some weeks before and that too worried Shiki; he knew it could be over nothing but the less and less he saw of Daichi made him certain that there was, indeed, reason to worry.
He was on the cusp of slumber, having been lying awake for a few hours since the candle of his mother’s light went out from behind the temporary divider that had been placed; it was meant to give the other two privacy. Most nights he found himself awake still when Daichi came home but he couldn’t bring himself to climb out of bed and speak to him then, not with his fear that he could wake the others up.
Right then, however, he had managed to inch his way closer to sleep than he usually did at this hour, the day’s events having tired him out more than others. He’d left the small home when Sasha was gone and spent the better half the afternoon with Anika as they searched for raw herbs that could be used. The supply he had brought would be running low soon, as would the handmade strips of cloth that were used for Daichi’s face and that meant there was more to be made.
He had sleepily heard Daichi come in, enough that it managed to arouse him from his twilight sleep for a moment or two. Had Daichi simply crashed on his own cot, Shiki might not have woken up any further at all, having no real conscious thought as he was still stuck somewhere between sleep and awareness. But the blanket pulled closer to him and Daichi’s arms shifting the weight on the cot managed to keep him from falling back towards sleep.
It was quiet enough in the basement, the only sounds coming from the distant city street outside, that Shiki had been able to hear his whisper. It took a moment or two for Daichi’s words to make sense to him. A soft sigh escaped through Shiki’s nose though he didn’t move to open his eyes just yet-he was afraid, for a moment, to see Daichi’s face coupled with such a sad comment. When he spoke, it came out as a soft, sleepy mumble as he was still pulling his tired body from its relaxation. “I do too, Daichi-kun.” He mumbled, his eyes opening a moment later. “But I….I don’t understand why…we give reason to miss.” His eyes flickered to were Daichi was and he wanted to reach out and take his hand just because he hadn’t felt that warmth in quite a long time. He longed for it; but he hesitated as he worried, was almost scared, of what Daichi might mean by his statement.
Daichi was his mate, Shiki was certain of that. And he was certain that he was Daichi’s too; but the fact of the matter remained that he was confused by what was happening and usually Daichi would be able to coddle and soothe his fears, just he could Daichi. But it didn’t work as easily when it was Daichi and himself that caused the confusion.
“I miss you...you next to me and I miss your words…I miss your touch and…and your spirit. I…I think I missyou, Daichi-san.” Shiki softly amended his statement before.
KunPosts: 19Group: VisiugoMember#271 Joined:Aug 24, 2009
Garou ClanCorax - wereravensCharacter Age28Sibling(s) Sasha HonamiRoommate(s)Daichi Yoshida, Kimiyo Honami, and Sasha Honami
I am a servant of nature Daichi-san
There is no remedy for love, but to love more. -Henry David Thoreau
Post #3Yesterday, 9:27 PM Daichi Yoshida Behind the makeshift screen, a nod to their heritage, Kimiyo and Sasha shared the same bed. Every night Sasha would go to bed right at 8pm and usually not long after Shiki’s mother would slip into the same bed next to the girl. It was, in Daichi’s estimation, better for them, as the two both needed the shared heat in the cool basement over the two adult males. And, each night, when Daichi came home he found Sasha as close as she could possibly get to Kimiyo.
It warmed him, as he could identify with her. She was not a concern for him as far as his ability to care for her and be loved in return. The little girl had more love in her pinky finger than most people had in their entire beings. She was practically and orphan, just like he’d been and therefore he could understand her plight in a way the others couldn’t and therefore he’d taken to protecting her immediately. He was attacked to her, regardless of the stress she put on the family and him personally for his concern for her welfare.
However the woman was also a concern for him, he had put a protective wall between them to shield her from himself but not without his constantly ensuring her safety. He was always on guard, and that had become his primary goal. Daichi tried, in lieu of all of his personal and emotional problems, to retain his usefulness to the family that he called his own; it was the only family he’d ever had and he meant to make sure they were physically safe. When that wasn’t necessary he was ensuring that he was being useful by helping Garret and Crystal on the runs. His life had become about trying to be sure he had a place with them.
It was when he wasn’t doing something productive that things got questionable and he was left to his own devices. That was when depression really sunk in and he was left watching Shiki sadly from afar, wondering what the man might be thinking. There was a time that he could anticipate what might be going through his lover’s mind; he wasn’t sure what made that impossible now. He wasn’t sure if it was his own insecurities or if it was the sound of the city that replaced the voices of the mountain all it’s creatures from before or if it was simply because they were slipping apart. No matter what the answer was…he didn’t like it.
He didn’t want to be just the body there to act as a meat shield which took any hits that might be directed at his family before they got to them. He wanted to be part of it again and wasn’t sure how he’d fallen out of it. The city certainly took a toll on him. He wasn’t used to the constant stimuli that sounded threatening. That was something that had him on edge nonstop and he had yet to relax from that. Aki had pulled him aside and spoken softly to him about that aspect having noticed Daichi’s on edge behaviors.
He didn’t speak at first as Shiki spoke. The truth was Daichi had considered leaving. He’d considered going back to Japan; to the Shintatos or to the nest; to anywhere but the current place. He’d thought about the death that would certainly come with it and wondered if it was worse than what he was experiencing now. He thought that perhaps death would be a welcome reprieve. However he’d also realized, in the same train of thought - the same vein, that he couldn’t leave Sasha. He was attached to her and she needed reliable adults in her life, not one or two but many. He couldn’t leave Kimiyo, she wouldn’t fair well in the city alone and she’d be crushed by his abandonment of her son if not herself as well. And he couldn’t leave Shiki, there were many reasons for that the least of which were entirely selfish and the fact that he’d miss him was at the forefront.
However he missed him as it was and putting space, physical distance, seemed as if it might make it easier to bare for the fact that then it wouldn’t just be because they were falling apart - the missing would be for a legitimate reason. But Daichi didn’t want to leave so he bared the troubles silently and introspectively. He was an introspective sort, and an internal worrier. He thought…a lot and he considered many options in those instances. He played out all ends and just let himself get carried away in his head; that was part of the reason he’d entertain the idea of leaving, regardless of how much he actually gave it any real thought or not.
“Once, when I was a young child, I watched the stars and thought of what it would be like to be cared for, I wondered why no one truly had affection for me; what I could have done as an infant that was so bad I was discarded. And still I dreamed that sometime, someday - someone might care and I wondered what it might feel like. After the accident,” he paused and his fingers ran the length of the sash on his face, “I dismissed it and found strength in independence because I didn’t thing I had the right.” He let his chin sink behind his hand and onto the very edge of the bed.
“And then you came. I you saved me Shiki-kun, from that mindset. I started to understand that everyone has reason to be cared for, appreciated for nothing more than who they are. I think, a result of living is dying, if I were to die I wouldn’t go without having felt accomplished if for nothing more than because I was loved. I don’t deserve it.” His face dipped far enough that only his eyes peeked out from behind his arms.
“I don’t deserve to be missed as you say. I’m weak Shiki and…I don’t think I can not be. I’m failing and if it were just me I were doing it to I could find some way to accept it and move on but not when it’s you that I fail. I’m…weak.” He said again closing his eyes as he pulled his shoulders in closer to his arms, tucking his body as close to itself as he could be from his angle.
“I’m merely that little boy again because I’m not strong enough to conquer this alone and…I’m sorry.” He chocked slightly and his eyes fluttered shut, suddenly bombarded with all the pent up emotion he’d kept from releasing over the last few months since everything seemed to spiral out of control. A good deal of it was Aki, who was confident and proud with a disposition to be admired - Daichi hadn’t the charm or charisma that the other visiugo had; nor did he have, from how he saw it, Aki’s willpower.
He finally, after regaining his composure, lifted his head and reached up to tuck the sheets better, more affectionately around Shiki as to be sure he was warm; the cold of the basement concerned him and he wanted to be sure that his love was as comfortable as he could be. He did so out of second nature, it was simply how Daichi’s head worked, for being neglected as a child he took on a nurturing role with ease, and naturally - primarily because it was a measure of protection, even if it didn’t seem to be.
“I don’t know if I can live here like this and miss you like I do - rather I don’t know how to.” His head moved back to rest on his hands and he sank slightly in his spot.
SanPosts: 18Group: VisiugoMember#270 Joined:Aug 24, 2009
Garou ClanCorax - wereravensCharacter Age23Roommate(s) Yoshiki Honami, Kimiyo Honami and Sasha Honami
Revenge is a confession of pain. ~Unknown
PART TWO
But actually relates to the trilogy (others will be posted here once the OCs from the new chaptered story make their appearances). SO! This means that this is ENTIRELY ORIGINAL FICTION!!! Okay?!
You'll see, once you click that LJ-cut, why we say this. ^_^
This is exactly how we write stuff--back and forth, a sort of testing out of characters and plot lines and its how we can actually write this shit without having real direction. It helps us see each side of the characters and the situation and its how we know them so well too. It's also how we can write each other's characters so well too.
Therefore whats below the cut is the RAWEST form of our writing. Unedited (so bare with us--if you look at the time stamps you will see they were written quite early ^_^ And some sentences might seem odd or whatever--again, its not completely perfect as its a rough draft of sorts) and NOT in story format. Thats the biggest thing.....one portion is written by one of us and the next is written by the other and we go back and forth with each other, one person writing a single character.
ALSO! Its a little long so it is separated into parts--but at the bottom of each entry will be a link to the NEXT entry that you would need to check out. ^_^
Here we go dudes. ^_^
-J&M
Be warned, the graphics you see here are made for the characters because thats what they look like in our heads. Its what we use to visiualize the characters. ^_^
Characters:
Yoshiki Honami - From GBC, MM, and INTFA
Daichi Yoshida - From GBC, MM, and INFTA
ALSO! Note: Garou means the same thing as visiugo.
________________________
Topic Started: Yesterday, 3:22 PM (43 Views)Append a Poll · Edit Topic Title Post #1Yesterday, 3:22 PM Daichi Yoshida Daichi had been a proverbial mess since the day he was taken by the corax. It was people he trusted, followed by the fact that an imposter of his lover - the one person he trusted with all he had to trust - attempted to kill him. That only spiraled out of control when Aki arrived, he nearly died by an attachment to an evil object used on him, the discovery of Sasha and her being placed in their care, and finally their escape from Japan.
The last had been the hardest hit but he’d managed keeping a straight face, at least that of it that was exposed, and a strong disposition. But with each passing day Daichi felt more dead inside. He couldn’t help but think that everything he’d worked toward, everything they’d worked toward, was falling apart and soon he’d be left in an unfamiliar place alone rather than in an unfamiliar place surrounded by those he loved and trusted.
Shiki’s mother had been his saving grace in all of this. He relied on her too much though and had taken an intentional and purposeful distance from her. She was, in his mind, someone that he should be protecting not one that should be shielding him from the emotional downfall he was headed for. He had separated himself from her and from Shiki as a survival tactic as he tried to scrambled from some semblance of normalcy in their strange new home.
Typically he would have gone straight for Shiki and questioned him to get answers he needed to hear the responses to. Ones he was pretty sure he knew the answers to but at the same time needed to have confirmed in words. He could recall nights, dark ones under stars or lightly lit ones by candle fire, in which they’d talked into the morning hours under the canopy of their nest. Aiko would have long since been asleep and Daichi would hold Shiki as he took to easily coddling his love, or on the rare occasion that Shiki would hold Daichi, and they’d visit every concern or question the other had talking through topics, sometimes the same one, until there was no other end except to embrace what they both already agreed on.
Daichi had learned a lot in those nights. Not just about the way nature intertwined with every living creature or how magic worked harmoniously with specific plants, people and feelings but he learned a lot about who he was and who he wanted to be. He learned unspoken lessons about trust and need to give oneself to another person and absolutely let them have control, even when it was scary to give control to someone else.
It was something he hadn’t done since he was a kid. He had given his trust to Nori and Kisho only to have it shattered. He had lost control of his body and killed a person. Therefore trust and control were things he was unwilling to release; but he had learned, through Shiki, how to do those things. It didn’t matter if he, Shiki, was the only one that ever got them - Daichi’s trust and control - but the fact that they were released to someone else.
Lately it seemed as if all the progress he’d made was being reeled back in and Daichi was getting guarded again. Worse than before and the most terrible part about it was the fact that he could see it happening and was powerless to stop it. He was well aware of what was going on and yet there he was helping it along and he knew of no way to let it go. He had, when Sasha was at school, taken to never being ‘home’. He would volunteer to go on distribution runs or to the outskirts to send messages to Ty or just to scout the neighborhood. Once Sasha was asleep, tucked in by him or Shiki or momma - sometimes a combination of the three - he would leave again.
There was a claim that he’d gone to ensure he knew the city or that the others needed help or that he wanted to learn, but he was well aware that he was escaping…from what he wasn’t sure. Perhaps it was the confines of the house or the empty feeling he got when he passed by Shiki or the way he avoided momma, maybe it was all of those things and more.
Regardless he spent most of the night soaring the sky as close to being an animal as he could, waiting for Shiki to fall asleep or momma to do the same, for Aki to have retired to the room he shared with Garret and even for Anika to stop doing the number of things she did - so he could return to a quite house, in solitude. It wasn’t that he minded the people, he loved having that many people present and that much affection to go around; however no part of him identified with being part of them, he even felt excluded from his lover and therefore he took to the skies where he was certain he was one with.
He could guess that Shiki wasn’t truly sleeping when he returned but it was something he never really commented on and rather pretended the other was just so that he could find some avoidance. He hadn’t come to any decision yet but he knew that something had to happen because he couldn’t continue as he was without dying. His body might go on but certainly not his spirit.
Even still he crawled into the cold bed, opting for being as close to human as he could be that night - rather than sleeping in his bird form, and watched Shiki in the small single bed across from his for a moment before he bit into his lip and ran a hand along she band across his nose. He thought about dropping his head against the pillow and just sleeping as he did the other nights, alone in his own single cot. But instead, out of need or desire - he wasn’t sure, he slipped out of the bed and onto the cold concrete floor and knelt in front of Shiki’s bed, sitting on his heels with his legs tucked under him.
He pulled the blanket up closer to Shiki’s chin and sighed sadly before he rested his forearms on the very edge of Shiki’s bed and then laid his cheek on his hands and watched the man for a moment. “I miss us Shiki-sama.” He whispered quietly to himself.
SanPosts: 18Group: VisiugoMember#270 Joined:Aug 24, 2009
Garou ClanCorax - wereravensCharacter Age23Roommate(s) Yoshiki Honami, Kimiyo Honami and Sasha Honami
Revenge is a confession of pain. ~Unknown
Post #2Yesterday, 7:32 PM Yoshiki Honami Shiki, at first, hadn’t realized something was wrong. Daichi was able to easily convince Shiki that he did intend on scouting the city and finding some baring regarding it. But as the days rolled on and Shiki became uneasy about the entire situation, he was fairly certain it wasn’t just Daichi’s ability to convince him but the fact that Shiki’s attention had been suddenly pulled in a million different directions. In fact, the both of them were tugged in so many difrections and it had disrupted the very balance of their relationship.
The thing Shiki and Daichi had thrived on the most was the fact that they could easily comfort each other. Their late night talks, sometimes just lying with each other without a single word utter, had become one of the strongest parts about them. The fact that Shiki could read Daichi and Daichi could read Shiki came from that strength and it was what kept them from falling apart so easily as the flight had hoped would happen and then intended to make happen.
But that only worked when one of them was overwhelmed; once it became the both of them trying to work things through, physical, emotion or mental, it was suddenly difficult to catch when the other person was in a bad way.
Sasha and his mother worried him the most; mostly because Shiki was certain Daichi was strong enough to handle anything. He didn’t think that there would be too much hitting Daichi at once that not even his usual strength could keep him afloat. Therefore Shiki had focused on trying to help Sasha assimilate and his mother, who he was terrified he’d wrongfully taken from her home, worried him the most as she was in a country where the langue, culture, and values completely contradicted everything she knew. At least, he figured, himself and Sasha and Daichi could communicate with these people well enough to learn more and adapt better. His mother’s incapability to do so worried him.
The fact that nights were rather cold, both from the basement set-up they had and as Shiki couldn’t remember sleeping alone in well over five years; it became even worse when it occurred to him that Daichi wasn’t there. Those first few nights when he left again, after Sasha was asleep and Shiki’s mother was laying down too, Shiki didn’t second guess it. He would find himself upstairs, helping Anika in any way that he could or he’d fall asleep rather quickly.
By the end of the first week, and well into the second, Shiki had started to lose more and more sleep. At first, it didn’t occur to him why he was restless when he laid down, alone in his cot. But eventually, when he realized he hadn’t a moment alone with Daichi, no where near the moments they’d have almost nightly before, his restlessness and his worry made sense.
Shiki wasn’t much of a worrier-certainly not to the degree that Daichi could become as his protectiveness took over. But the moment Shiki began to worry, he even knew it meant something was not right-that something was going very badly. He hated the fact that hadn’t seen Daichi, save for the moments when quite a few others were around, or touched to spoken to him in so very long. It didn’t appear that way to onlookers, especially as their relationship was rather well hidden from those that were unaware it even existed, but they were physically and spiritually and emotionally close to one another. Close enough that even just a few short days without it made Shiki’s heart ache from loneliness.
One of his primary fears of coming to the US was not language barriers or cultural differences that would cause their family stress-though those still did worry him. It was the unfamiliarity of it, the discomfort of living away from their nest (or away the house Kimiyo had lived in for so long) that would be the worst sensation. Not to mention the people; Daichi was there as was his mother and even Sasha but he still missed Kaiko, Aiko and all of her family. It saddened him that amidst the mess of trying to adapt, he hadn’t gotten the chance to write to her and her family.
Beyond that, he knew there would be the stress of who they were actually there with-since the day he’d first proposed the idea of leaving with Aki, Jack and Ryan to Daichi, Shiki had hoped his lover would continue to be pushed for reassurance. At least whenever doubt or hesitancy came up simply because Shiki was absolutely aware of what jealousy it could spark. Particularly as he’d been jealous enough times in his youth to know what caused it. But it was a matter that hadn’t been brought up since that same night some weeks before and that too worried Shiki; he knew it could be over nothing but the less and less he saw of Daichi made him certain that there was, indeed, reason to worry.
He was on the cusp of slumber, having been lying awake for a few hours since the candle of his mother’s light went out from behind the temporary divider that had been placed; it was meant to give the other two privacy. Most nights he found himself awake still when Daichi came home but he couldn’t bring himself to climb out of bed and speak to him then, not with his fear that he could wake the others up.
Right then, however, he had managed to inch his way closer to sleep than he usually did at this hour, the day’s events having tired him out more than others. He’d left the small home when Sasha was gone and spent the better half the afternoon with Anika as they searched for raw herbs that could be used. The supply he had brought would be running low soon, as would the handmade strips of cloth that were used for Daichi’s face and that meant there was more to be made.
He had sleepily heard Daichi come in, enough that it managed to arouse him from his twilight sleep for a moment or two. Had Daichi simply crashed on his own cot, Shiki might not have woken up any further at all, having no real conscious thought as he was still stuck somewhere between sleep and awareness. But the blanket pulled closer to him and Daichi’s arms shifting the weight on the cot managed to keep him from falling back towards sleep.
It was quiet enough in the basement, the only sounds coming from the distant city street outside, that Shiki had been able to hear his whisper. It took a moment or two for Daichi’s words to make sense to him. A soft sigh escaped through Shiki’s nose though he didn’t move to open his eyes just yet-he was afraid, for a moment, to see Daichi’s face coupled with such a sad comment. When he spoke, it came out as a soft, sleepy mumble as he was still pulling his tired body from its relaxation. “I do too, Daichi-kun.” He mumbled, his eyes opening a moment later. “But I….I don’t understand why…we give reason to miss.” His eyes flickered to were Daichi was and he wanted to reach out and take his hand just because he hadn’t felt that warmth in quite a long time. He longed for it; but he hesitated as he worried, was almost scared, of what Daichi might mean by his statement.
Daichi was his mate, Shiki was certain of that. And he was certain that he was Daichi’s too; but the fact of the matter remained that he was confused by what was happening and usually Daichi would be able to coddle and soothe his fears, just he could Daichi. But it didn’t work as easily when it was Daichi and himself that caused the confusion.
“I miss you...you next to me and I miss your words…I miss your touch and…and your spirit. I…I think I missyou, Daichi-san.” Shiki softly amended his statement before.
KunPosts: 19Group: VisiugoMember#271 Joined:Aug 24, 2009
Garou ClanCorax - wereravensCharacter Age28Sibling(s) Sasha HonamiRoommate(s)Daichi Yoshida, Kimiyo Honami, and Sasha Honami
I am a servant of nature Daichi-san
There is no remedy for love, but to love more. -Henry David Thoreau
Post #3Yesterday, 9:27 PM Daichi Yoshida Behind the makeshift screen, a nod to their heritage, Kimiyo and Sasha shared the same bed. Every night Sasha would go to bed right at 8pm and usually not long after Shiki’s mother would slip into the same bed next to the girl. It was, in Daichi’s estimation, better for them, as the two both needed the shared heat in the cool basement over the two adult males. And, each night, when Daichi came home he found Sasha as close as she could possibly get to Kimiyo.
It warmed him, as he could identify with her. She was not a concern for him as far as his ability to care for her and be loved in return. The little girl had more love in her pinky finger than most people had in their entire beings. She was practically and orphan, just like he’d been and therefore he could understand her plight in a way the others couldn’t and therefore he’d taken to protecting her immediately. He was attacked to her, regardless of the stress she put on the family and him personally for his concern for her welfare.
However the woman was also a concern for him, he had put a protective wall between them to shield her from himself but not without his constantly ensuring her safety. He was always on guard, and that had become his primary goal. Daichi tried, in lieu of all of his personal and emotional problems, to retain his usefulness to the family that he called his own; it was the only family he’d ever had and he meant to make sure they were physically safe. When that wasn’t necessary he was ensuring that he was being useful by helping Garret and Crystal on the runs. His life had become about trying to be sure he had a place with them.
It was when he wasn’t doing something productive that things got questionable and he was left to his own devices. That was when depression really sunk in and he was left watching Shiki sadly from afar, wondering what the man might be thinking. There was a time that he could anticipate what might be going through his lover’s mind; he wasn’t sure what made that impossible now. He wasn’t sure if it was his own insecurities or if it was the sound of the city that replaced the voices of the mountain all it’s creatures from before or if it was simply because they were slipping apart. No matter what the answer was…he didn’t like it.
He didn’t want to be just the body there to act as a meat shield which took any hits that might be directed at his family before they got to them. He wanted to be part of it again and wasn’t sure how he’d fallen out of it. The city certainly took a toll on him. He wasn’t used to the constant stimuli that sounded threatening. That was something that had him on edge nonstop and he had yet to relax from that. Aki had pulled him aside and spoken softly to him about that aspect having noticed Daichi’s on edge behaviors.
He didn’t speak at first as Shiki spoke. The truth was Daichi had considered leaving. He’d considered going back to Japan; to the Shintatos or to the nest; to anywhere but the current place. He’d thought about the death that would certainly come with it and wondered if it was worse than what he was experiencing now. He thought that perhaps death would be a welcome reprieve. However he’d also realized, in the same train of thought - the same vein, that he couldn’t leave Sasha. He was attached to her and she needed reliable adults in her life, not one or two but many. He couldn’t leave Kimiyo, she wouldn’t fair well in the city alone and she’d be crushed by his abandonment of her son if not herself as well. And he couldn’t leave Shiki, there were many reasons for that the least of which were entirely selfish and the fact that he’d miss him was at the forefront.
However he missed him as it was and putting space, physical distance, seemed as if it might make it easier to bare for the fact that then it wouldn’t just be because they were falling apart - the missing would be for a legitimate reason. But Daichi didn’t want to leave so he bared the troubles silently and introspectively. He was an introspective sort, and an internal worrier. He thought…a lot and he considered many options in those instances. He played out all ends and just let himself get carried away in his head; that was part of the reason he’d entertain the idea of leaving, regardless of how much he actually gave it any real thought or not.
“Once, when I was a young child, I watched the stars and thought of what it would be like to be cared for, I wondered why no one truly had affection for me; what I could have done as an infant that was so bad I was discarded. And still I dreamed that sometime, someday - someone might care and I wondered what it might feel like. After the accident,” he paused and his fingers ran the length of the sash on his face, “I dismissed it and found strength in independence because I didn’t thing I had the right.” He let his chin sink behind his hand and onto the very edge of the bed.
“And then you came. I you saved me Shiki-kun, from that mindset. I started to understand that everyone has reason to be cared for, appreciated for nothing more than who they are. I think, a result of living is dying, if I were to die I wouldn’t go without having felt accomplished if for nothing more than because I was loved. I don’t deserve it.” His face dipped far enough that only his eyes peeked out from behind his arms.
“I don’t deserve to be missed as you say. I’m weak Shiki and…I don’t think I can not be. I’m failing and if it were just me I were doing it to I could find some way to accept it and move on but not when it’s you that I fail. I’m…weak.” He said again closing his eyes as he pulled his shoulders in closer to his arms, tucking his body as close to itself as he could be from his angle.
“I’m merely that little boy again because I’m not strong enough to conquer this alone and…I’m sorry.” He chocked slightly and his eyes fluttered shut, suddenly bombarded with all the pent up emotion he’d kept from releasing over the last few months since everything seemed to spiral out of control. A good deal of it was Aki, who was confident and proud with a disposition to be admired - Daichi hadn’t the charm or charisma that the other visiugo had; nor did he have, from how he saw it, Aki’s willpower.
He finally, after regaining his composure, lifted his head and reached up to tuck the sheets better, more affectionately around Shiki as to be sure he was warm; the cold of the basement concerned him and he wanted to be sure that his love was as comfortable as he could be. He did so out of second nature, it was simply how Daichi’s head worked, for being neglected as a child he took on a nurturing role with ease, and naturally - primarily because it was a measure of protection, even if it didn’t seem to be.
“I don’t know if I can live here like this and miss you like I do - rather I don’t know how to.” His head moved back to rest on his hands and he sank slightly in his spot.
SanPosts: 18Group: VisiugoMember#270 Joined:Aug 24, 2009
Garou ClanCorax - wereravensCharacter Age23Roommate(s) Yoshiki Honami, Kimiyo Honami and Sasha Honami
Revenge is a confession of pain. ~Unknown
PART TWO