A Trio Of Whoverse Introspectives
So, going through my fanfiction.net page, I came across a few old fics that I decided to dust off and post over here. Three Whoverse character studies, two from Doctor Who and one from Torchwood.
POV Character: Rose Tyler
Setting: Post New Earth, Season 2
Title: Unfaithful
Rose lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She was so confused. Her Doctor, the one she loved - although that hadn't hit her until he'd sent her home - was gone, leaving a stranger in his place. But he was still there. Sometimes it was almost like the old days, before regeneration, and although she'd really liked him and missed him, in some ways she was glad that Jack wasn't there, that it was just her and the Doctor again. But lately, she'd been wondering if being alone with this new Doctor was such a good thing.
The problem was, Rose was beginning to fall for the Doctor all over again, and she was scared. Was this real, or just a leftover of her feelings for the old Doctor? Had those feelings even been real, or had she just been alone with him too long in extreme circumstances? And how fickle could she be, that this Doctor's chocolate brown eyes made her melt as easily as the old Doctor's glacial blue ones had? That she was attracted to the new Doctor's 'pretty boy' air, something her old Doctor would have been sickened to see if he could?
And now she was having these dreams, dreams of golden light and ethereal music. And three nights ago something new had been added to these dreams. Her Doctor, the one she'd agreed to travel with, had kissed her. She'd told herself it was just a dream, but she didn't believe it. And it wouldn't have bothered her so much, except that she remembered the way she'd felt when his lips had touched hers and... now she had something to compare it to with the new Doctor.
They'd been on New Earth, and had run into Cassandra again, that human trampoline from her first trip with the Doctor. She'd possessed Rose, and had initiated a kiss with the Doctor. Which of course meant that Rose had a cast-iron excuse; it hadn't been her. But what she hadn't said was that, yes, Cassandra had initiated the kiss, but had then let Rose have control again for a minute, and she'd been kissing the Doctor herself. She should have pulled away immediately, but she couldn't. Luckily (though that sounded so twisted) Cassandra had taken control again, and had pulled away. But... the scary, and also thrilling, part was that it felt the same. Everything that she felt from the dream-memory of kissing the old Doctor, she'd felt when she really had kissed the new one. And that terrified her.
Was it disloyalty, as a friend, to accept this new man so quickly? Rose didn't think so; apparently she wasn't the first of the Doctor's companions to have to make the adjustment to a regeneration, or so the Doctor said. But was it being unfaithful to the man she'd loved (even if he hadn't been a man, strictly speaking) to fall in love with the new self that had taken his place?
POV Character: The Tenth Doctor
Setting: Post New Earth, Season 2 (companion piece to Unfaithful)
Title: Forbidden
He had known he was in trouble the moment he'd felt the need to go back and ask her again. He didn't do that. If the human said no, that was it. But with Rose Tyler, that hadn't been it. He'd had to go back and ask again, to try one last time. And when she'd agreed that time, he'd been far happier than he ought to be.
But from there, things only got more complicated. He still remembered saying to her, "I could save the world but lose you." Why did she matter so damn much? He still remembered the sharp, almost debilitating grief he'd felt those times when he'd been sure she was dead, how close to being out of control that possibility had brought him to. The only worse pain he knew was that which came from the loss of his entire race, and the two weren't that far apart in strength.
It was utterly ridiculous. He was a 900-year-old Time Lord, and she was a nineteen-year-old human! It was against every rule he knew for there to be anything beyond friendship between them. But more and more he found himself wondering if maybe he could forget the rules and actually try to have something more with her.
Of course, that was out of the question now. Now that he had regenerated, he couldn't do that. He'd upset her enough by changing as abruptly as he had, and he knew that it would be wrong to pursue these feelings now. Because even if there had been some reciprocation on her part before, it was too much to hope for that she would now.
But he couldn't stop thinking about her, her eyes, her laughter, her smile... and the taste of her when he'd kissed her. It had been a dumb move; there were other ways of absorbing the Time Vortex, after all, but he'd bypassed all of those to kiss her. Why? He knew why. Just once, he had to do it.
But then it had happened again, in this body. He damned Cassandra and thanked her at the same time. He'd wanted to kiss her again, and had gotten his wish (albeit in a screwed-up fashion), but now it was even harder to get her out of his head.
This was wrong and he knew it. He should let her go, before she died or he did something he'd regret. But he couldn't. She was his forbidden fruit, and although he'd never have her, he needed her close, because having to resist the temptation to go further than he ought was nothing compared to not having her there at all.
POV Character: Toshiko Sato
Setting: Post Greeks Bearing Gifts, Season 1
Title: Practical
Tosh had always been the practical one, the sensible one, growing up. Trapped between Sadayo, the eldest and a wild child, and little Chiyo, naive and overly imaginative, she'd had to be. So if she was so practical, how she possibly have such bad judgment when it came to love?
First there was Owen. Her bitingly sarcastic co-worker. There was absolutely no reason she should be attracted to him. He was rude, immature, and honestly, not the most attractive man she'd ever seen. But sometimes he smiled - not smirked, really smiled - and she just fell apart. She thought he at least liked her, a little. But she would never have the courage to speak up. So she watched him when she hoped no one was looking, praying that no one would guess.
Then had come Mary, the blonde who had dropped so abruptly into her life one night when she'd been depressed. Gwen and Owen had played a joke on her, and though she shouldn't have let it get to her - "You know, Tosh, that stick up your arse has a stick up its arse." So she was at a bar, drinking, and Mary had sauntered over. A stranger who knew all about her, who gave her a pendant, a curse.
That damned pendant. She'd found out about Gwen and Owen's affair because of it. The new girl had replaced Suzie, and she now had the man Tosh wanted. But she didn't love him, Tosh was sure of that. Gwen may have loved her boyfriend, but her eyes followed someone at work, and it was never Owen, or never just him, anyway. But Owen... "Catholic but grateful, I'd bet." He pitied her. They both did. Ianto was too wrapped up in his own pain to pity anyone, and Jack was unreadable. But the pity... God, she couldn't stand the pity. She thought they cared about her, that they saw her as a friend, the way she saw them. But she'd been wrong, apparently.
So when Mary had popped up again, Tosh had thrown out her inhibitions. She'd kissed Mary, she'd slept with her, only to find out she was an alien. An alien who'd killed more people than she wanted to know, had ripped out their hearts and eaten them. Mary had held a knife to her throat, and yet, Tosh still loved her. Because what Mary said was true; she'd never pitied Tosh, no matter what. And Owen, who would rather see her die than Gwen, and who'd tried to deny it, so obviously did.
She was left with that. An alien who was dead, burned up in the sun, who had been homicidal and yet maybe had actually loved her. And him. The man she still saw every day, who was completely blind to how she felt about him. It wasn't practical to still love him even after she knew there was no hope. She kept it hidden, though, because she had no choice. Because Toshiko Sato was always practical, and it was practical to stop your heart from shattering - even if it's already snapped in two.
POV Character: Rose Tyler
Setting: Post New Earth, Season 2
Title: Unfaithful
Rose lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She was so confused. Her Doctor, the one she loved - although that hadn't hit her until he'd sent her home - was gone, leaving a stranger in his place. But he was still there. Sometimes it was almost like the old days, before regeneration, and although she'd really liked him and missed him, in some ways she was glad that Jack wasn't there, that it was just her and the Doctor again. But lately, she'd been wondering if being alone with this new Doctor was such a good thing.
The problem was, Rose was beginning to fall for the Doctor all over again, and she was scared. Was this real, or just a leftover of her feelings for the old Doctor? Had those feelings even been real, or had she just been alone with him too long in extreme circumstances? And how fickle could she be, that this Doctor's chocolate brown eyes made her melt as easily as the old Doctor's glacial blue ones had? That she was attracted to the new Doctor's 'pretty boy' air, something her old Doctor would have been sickened to see if he could?
And now she was having these dreams, dreams of golden light and ethereal music. And three nights ago something new had been added to these dreams. Her Doctor, the one she'd agreed to travel with, had kissed her. She'd told herself it was just a dream, but she didn't believe it. And it wouldn't have bothered her so much, except that she remembered the way she'd felt when his lips had touched hers and... now she had something to compare it to with the new Doctor.
They'd been on New Earth, and had run into Cassandra again, that human trampoline from her first trip with the Doctor. She'd possessed Rose, and had initiated a kiss with the Doctor. Which of course meant that Rose had a cast-iron excuse; it hadn't been her. But what she hadn't said was that, yes, Cassandra had initiated the kiss, but had then let Rose have control again for a minute, and she'd been kissing the Doctor herself. She should have pulled away immediately, but she couldn't. Luckily (though that sounded so twisted) Cassandra had taken control again, and had pulled away. But... the scary, and also thrilling, part was that it felt the same. Everything that she felt from the dream-memory of kissing the old Doctor, she'd felt when she really had kissed the new one. And that terrified her.
Was it disloyalty, as a friend, to accept this new man so quickly? Rose didn't think so; apparently she wasn't the first of the Doctor's companions to have to make the adjustment to a regeneration, or so the Doctor said. But was it being unfaithful to the man she'd loved (even if he hadn't been a man, strictly speaking) to fall in love with the new self that had taken his place?
POV Character: The Tenth Doctor
Setting: Post New Earth, Season 2 (companion piece to Unfaithful)
Title: Forbidden
He had known he was in trouble the moment he'd felt the need to go back and ask her again. He didn't do that. If the human said no, that was it. But with Rose Tyler, that hadn't been it. He'd had to go back and ask again, to try one last time. And when she'd agreed that time, he'd been far happier than he ought to be.
But from there, things only got more complicated. He still remembered saying to her, "I could save the world but lose you." Why did she matter so damn much? He still remembered the sharp, almost debilitating grief he'd felt those times when he'd been sure she was dead, how close to being out of control that possibility had brought him to. The only worse pain he knew was that which came from the loss of his entire race, and the two weren't that far apart in strength.
It was utterly ridiculous. He was a 900-year-old Time Lord, and she was a nineteen-year-old human! It was against every rule he knew for there to be anything beyond friendship between them. But more and more he found himself wondering if maybe he could forget the rules and actually try to have something more with her.
Of course, that was out of the question now. Now that he had regenerated, he couldn't do that. He'd upset her enough by changing as abruptly as he had, and he knew that it would be wrong to pursue these feelings now. Because even if there had been some reciprocation on her part before, it was too much to hope for that she would now.
But he couldn't stop thinking about her, her eyes, her laughter, her smile... and the taste of her when he'd kissed her. It had been a dumb move; there were other ways of absorbing the Time Vortex, after all, but he'd bypassed all of those to kiss her. Why? He knew why. Just once, he had to do it.
But then it had happened again, in this body. He damned Cassandra and thanked her at the same time. He'd wanted to kiss her again, and had gotten his wish (albeit in a screwed-up fashion), but now it was even harder to get her out of his head.
This was wrong and he knew it. He should let her go, before she died or he did something he'd regret. But he couldn't. She was his forbidden fruit, and although he'd never have her, he needed her close, because having to resist the temptation to go further than he ought was nothing compared to not having her there at all.
POV Character: Toshiko Sato
Setting: Post Greeks Bearing Gifts, Season 1
Title: Practical
Tosh had always been the practical one, the sensible one, growing up. Trapped between Sadayo, the eldest and a wild child, and little Chiyo, naive and overly imaginative, she'd had to be. So if she was so practical, how she possibly have such bad judgment when it came to love?
First there was Owen. Her bitingly sarcastic co-worker. There was absolutely no reason she should be attracted to him. He was rude, immature, and honestly, not the most attractive man she'd ever seen. But sometimes he smiled - not smirked, really smiled - and she just fell apart. She thought he at least liked her, a little. But she would never have the courage to speak up. So she watched him when she hoped no one was looking, praying that no one would guess.
Then had come Mary, the blonde who had dropped so abruptly into her life one night when she'd been depressed. Gwen and Owen had played a joke on her, and though she shouldn't have let it get to her - "You know, Tosh, that stick up your arse has a stick up its arse." So she was at a bar, drinking, and Mary had sauntered over. A stranger who knew all about her, who gave her a pendant, a curse.
That damned pendant. She'd found out about Gwen and Owen's affair because of it. The new girl had replaced Suzie, and she now had the man Tosh wanted. But she didn't love him, Tosh was sure of that. Gwen may have loved her boyfriend, but her eyes followed someone at work, and it was never Owen, or never just him, anyway. But Owen... "Catholic but grateful, I'd bet." He pitied her. They both did. Ianto was too wrapped up in his own pain to pity anyone, and Jack was unreadable. But the pity... God, she couldn't stand the pity. She thought they cared about her, that they saw her as a friend, the way she saw them. But she'd been wrong, apparently.
So when Mary had popped up again, Tosh had thrown out her inhibitions. She'd kissed Mary, she'd slept with her, only to find out she was an alien. An alien who'd killed more people than she wanted to know, had ripped out their hearts and eaten them. Mary had held a knife to her throat, and yet, Tosh still loved her. Because what Mary said was true; she'd never pitied Tosh, no matter what. And Owen, who would rather see her die than Gwen, and who'd tried to deny it, so obviously did.
She was left with that. An alien who was dead, burned up in the sun, who had been homicidal and yet maybe had actually loved her. And him. The man she still saw every day, who was completely blind to how she felt about him. It wasn't practical to still love him even after she knew there was no hope. She kept it hidden, though, because she had no choice. Because Toshiko Sato was always practical, and it was practical to stop your heart from shattering - even if it's already snapped in two.