.happy birthday, baby.
A year ago today, I had just given birth to my first born.
Of course, my daughter would come at 1:25am on a Saturday. a party girl already.
She was horribly ugly-
So tiny, covered in cheese, and looking more like an alien then a gerber baby.
And I was instantly in love with her- even thought it was unbelievably surreal to actually be holding her in my arms instead of carrying her around in my belly.
She was attached to me from the very beginning.
After bonding with her for a while, I was ready to pass out.
It was so early in the morning. I had just been in labor for hours. I was still doped up from the painkillers.
But when I attempted to put her in the bassinet that was right against my hospital bed, she immediately began screaming.
She would only stop if I held her in my arms and walked with her. I spent much of that night/morning pacing the hospital room with my newborn nestled against me.
I was scared. I was tired. I was frustrated. And those little cat cries ripped at my heart.
Because already, despite my crazy post-birth hormones, I felt the most urgent need to protect her always.
Some time in the late morning hours, a nurse came into the room and found me, baby still pressed against my chest, passed out in the visitor chair. I never did get to sleep in the hospital bed.
But now it’s been a year since that night.
A year since my life completely changed.
It’s so hard to believe that the time has gone.
I look at her now and I can’t believe that this little girl who’s got such a personality to her is the same helpless, crying infant I brought home from the hospital with me.
Where does the time go?
And how do I make it stop so she can be my baby forever?
Today we celebrated her life- which is by far the most beautiful thing I’ve ever been a part of.
But I couldn’t stop the tears from falling when I put her to bed tonight.
I held her close to me and she rested her little head against my shoulder- mommy and baby cuddling before bedtime. And it broke my heart that she won’t always be my baby.
Now I understand why it’s so hard for parents to let go.
My girl is only one and already I feel the sting of her growing up.
It’s utterly amazing to watch her become her own person- to see her gain strength each day. But at the same time, it rips your heart out to watch them need you less and less.
I also feel like I should be celebrating my birth today.
Because the day she was born, I was reborn.
She’s brought so much love and joy into my life.
I can’t even imagine how I lived without it.
She’s the love of my life.
And because of her, I finally turned my life around.
I don’t think I could have ever done it-
I don’t think I ever would have grown up-
If it wasn’t for her.
She’s my everything.
And I’ve never been happier in my life.
Happy birthday, angel.
Mommy loves you more then you could ever know.
xoxoxoxo
Of course, my daughter would come at 1:25am on a Saturday. a party girl already.
She was horribly ugly-
So tiny, covered in cheese, and looking more like an alien then a gerber baby.
And I was instantly in love with her- even thought it was unbelievably surreal to actually be holding her in my arms instead of carrying her around in my belly.
She was attached to me from the very beginning.
After bonding with her for a while, I was ready to pass out.
It was so early in the morning. I had just been in labor for hours. I was still doped up from the painkillers.
But when I attempted to put her in the bassinet that was right against my hospital bed, she immediately began screaming.
She would only stop if I held her in my arms and walked with her. I spent much of that night/morning pacing the hospital room with my newborn nestled against me.
I was scared. I was tired. I was frustrated. And those little cat cries ripped at my heart.
Because already, despite my crazy post-birth hormones, I felt the most urgent need to protect her always.
Some time in the late morning hours, a nurse came into the room and found me, baby still pressed against my chest, passed out in the visitor chair. I never did get to sleep in the hospital bed.
But now it’s been a year since that night.
A year since my life completely changed.
It’s so hard to believe that the time has gone.
I look at her now and I can’t believe that this little girl who’s got such a personality to her is the same helpless, crying infant I brought home from the hospital with me.
Where does the time go?
And how do I make it stop so she can be my baby forever?
Today we celebrated her life- which is by far the most beautiful thing I’ve ever been a part of.
But I couldn’t stop the tears from falling when I put her to bed tonight.
I held her close to me and she rested her little head against my shoulder- mommy and baby cuddling before bedtime. And it broke my heart that she won’t always be my baby.
Now I understand why it’s so hard for parents to let go.
My girl is only one and already I feel the sting of her growing up.
It’s utterly amazing to watch her become her own person- to see her gain strength each day. But at the same time, it rips your heart out to watch them need you less and less.
I also feel like I should be celebrating my birth today.
Because the day she was born, I was reborn.
She’s brought so much love and joy into my life.
I can’t even imagine how I lived without it.
She’s the love of my life.
And because of her, I finally turned my life around.
I don’t think I could have ever done it-
I don’t think I ever would have grown up-
If it wasn’t for her.
She’s my everything.
And I’ve never been happier in my life.
Happy birthday, angel.
Mommy loves you more then you could ever know.
xoxoxoxo