he spews out his sweet and salty sermon on the audience
much has transpired since my last update here.
I feel like i have abandoned all of those i met in reality and keep in touch w/ the lj.
i traded you all for myspace and a series of empty electronic guestures (with some exceptions) of "you're so hot...im me." I feel disgusting.
Even my relationships with those still in proximity are degrading. I can list a laundry of quality individuals i have hurt to my own ends that still live hear, a phone call or bus ride away from coming clean to. But i stay. here, "that's the reason you stay here, how awful that must feel" (bright eyes getting to me)
By the way- cicely and vicariously sara- i am sorry for flaking out on you that one day.
I have been a big bag of deceit for quite some time and i am tired of waving a damn banner in front of every caring face declaring "I'm perfectly on top of everything" only to then crumble into a "fit of the vapors" as reza's character might say. I pick somebody, too often you cicely, and because i am so comfortable in your presence, my pretense slips and i confess everything like you are some kind of atheist father to whom my sins matter. Like coming clean to you and nobody else excuses my failures that affect my family, my freinds and myself.
I love. I really do.
I have used your friendship and sympathies and leeched of of you and others- sara, cicley, nichole, lea, jae, slava, elizabeth. Everyone catches on eventually, and i find another person to suck the life out of.
I keep having some slight views of clarity and i think i'm pulling through and my pride makes me lie again.
I would like to start again, with everyone and everything.
I can't. But that I can make steps towards repairment. Reciprocity with everything from monetary to emotional energy i have drained.
i think i can, i think i can, i think i can...
I feel like i have abandoned all of those i met in reality and keep in touch w/ the lj.
i traded you all for myspace and a series of empty electronic guestures (with some exceptions) of "you're so hot...im me." I feel disgusting.
Even my relationships with those still in proximity are degrading. I can list a laundry of quality individuals i have hurt to my own ends that still live hear, a phone call or bus ride away from coming clean to. But i stay. here, "that's the reason you stay here, how awful that must feel" (bright eyes getting to me)
By the way- cicely and vicariously sara- i am sorry for flaking out on you that one day.
I have been a big bag of deceit for quite some time and i am tired of waving a damn banner in front of every caring face declaring "I'm perfectly on top of everything" only to then crumble into a "fit of the vapors" as reza's character might say. I pick somebody, too often you cicely, and because i am so comfortable in your presence, my pretense slips and i confess everything like you are some kind of atheist father to whom my sins matter. Like coming clean to you and nobody else excuses my failures that affect my family, my freinds and myself.
I love. I really do.
I have used your friendship and sympathies and leeched of of you and others- sara, cicley, nichole, lea, jae, slava, elizabeth. Everyone catches on eventually, and i find another person to suck the life out of.
I keep having some slight views of clarity and i think i'm pulling through and my pride makes me lie again.
I would like to start again, with everyone and everything.
I can't. But that I can make steps towards repairment. Reciprocity with everything from monetary to emotional energy i have drained.
i think i can, i think i can, i think i can...