random poetry from the last bit.
just a stupid little girl
in a stupid big world
playing along with everyones games
trying to catch up
falling behind
feeling left out most of the time
painting on smiles
playing recorded laughs
trying to figure out what truth and whats lies
just a stupid girl
in a stupid big world
attempting to grow up and forget the games
__________________________________________
Lies
you whispered sweet nothings
sweet lies in my head
made me feel without you
I was better off dead
I trusted and believed
there was not reason you would hurt me
but yet again I was deceived
you took what you wanted
lying all the while
and now I sit alone and haunted
waiting for your sweet nothings
sweet lies in my head
__________________________________________
My body shakes to the core
Wracked with this sobbing from within
Fully engulfed in an emotion I cannot name
I fight but it only makes it worse
All I want is for the tears to stop
To be able to breathe
The more I think about stopping
The more I wonder where this came from
The tighter it gets
I feel like I'm being crushed, drowned, smothered
I need someone to pull me out, hold me, kiss my forehead
Tell me it will be ok
Though we all know it won't
The best part of believe is always the lie.
__________________________________________
Pawn
you picked me up
then tossed me asunder
I was nothing
am nothing
I will remain nothing
in your world of fiction
I was one of your conquests
a game new to you
you played me well.
__________________________________________
this isn't make believe
this is me happy without you
not needing you to need me
not wanting you to make me smile
no desire for your embrace
as my emotions have been erased
no longer are they locked away
I've set them free, moved on
this is me happy without you
no more laughter through tears
no more 'I'm sorries' for things not my fault
my chains have been broken
my heart no longer belongs to you.
__________________________________________
irrationalities of the mind
clashing with the reality at hand
valid and invalid thoughts
pitted against one another in battle
a fight not easily won and lost many times
for these irrational thoughts have ruled for ages
through the battles of wits and words
an internal conflict so profound
I fight to maintain sanity
__________________________________________
tossing, turning, twisting, tearing
spiraling somewhere I'm unsure of
lethargic, lucid, lonely, lost
I can no longer feel the ground beneath me
sad, scorned, scared, scrutinized
nothing but blackness passes es before my eyes
alone
__________________________________________
She
Obliviously blind to advances of any kind
She hides in the shadows of her self imposed naivety
Lost in a world she never understood
Because she never too the time to explore it in her youth
A serial monogamist by nature
So scared to be alone
Yet she's been that way for a while
Using and being used until there is nothing but a void
Yearning for a tender touch, a kiss a caress
In such a way that even when she finds someone she longs for
She turns to another
So scared to be alone yet too scared to fall in love
She subconsciously sabotages herself
Even she cannot explain her reasoning
And for a soul that lives her life with no regrets
She fears that this lack will kill what she wants so dearly
She's mastered remorse without regret
Something most people would refer to as a soulless skill
But it's a skill of necessity
A skill learned by those whom survive
And survival is something she is determined to do
in a stupid big world
playing along with everyones games
trying to catch up
falling behind
feeling left out most of the time
painting on smiles
playing recorded laughs
trying to figure out what truth and whats lies
just a stupid girl
in a stupid big world
attempting to grow up and forget the games
__________________________________________
Lies
you whispered sweet nothings
sweet lies in my head
made me feel without you
I was better off dead
I trusted and believed
there was not reason you would hurt me
but yet again I was deceived
you took what you wanted
lying all the while
and now I sit alone and haunted
waiting for your sweet nothings
sweet lies in my head
__________________________________________
My body shakes to the core
Wracked with this sobbing from within
Fully engulfed in an emotion I cannot name
I fight but it only makes it worse
All I want is for the tears to stop
To be able to breathe
The more I think about stopping
The more I wonder where this came from
The tighter it gets
I feel like I'm being crushed, drowned, smothered
I need someone to pull me out, hold me, kiss my forehead
Tell me it will be ok
Though we all know it won't
The best part of believe is always the lie.
__________________________________________
Pawn
you picked me up
then tossed me asunder
I was nothing
am nothing
I will remain nothing
in your world of fiction
I was one of your conquests
a game new to you
you played me well.
__________________________________________
this isn't make believe
this is me happy without you
not needing you to need me
not wanting you to make me smile
no desire for your embrace
as my emotions have been erased
no longer are they locked away
I've set them free, moved on
this is me happy without you
no more laughter through tears
no more 'I'm sorries' for things not my fault
my chains have been broken
my heart no longer belongs to you.
__________________________________________
irrationalities of the mind
clashing with the reality at hand
valid and invalid thoughts
pitted against one another in battle
a fight not easily won and lost many times
for these irrational thoughts have ruled for ages
through the battles of wits and words
an internal conflict so profound
I fight to maintain sanity
__________________________________________
tossing, turning, twisting, tearing
spiraling somewhere I'm unsure of
lethargic, lucid, lonely, lost
I can no longer feel the ground beneath me
sad, scorned, scared, scrutinized
nothing but blackness passes es before my eyes
alone
__________________________________________
She
Obliviously blind to advances of any kind
She hides in the shadows of her self imposed naivety
Lost in a world she never understood
Because she never too the time to explore it in her youth
A serial monogamist by nature
So scared to be alone
Yet she's been that way for a while
Using and being used until there is nothing but a void
Yearning for a tender touch, a kiss a caress
In such a way that even when she finds someone she longs for
She turns to another
So scared to be alone yet too scared to fall in love
She subconsciously sabotages herself
Even she cannot explain her reasoning
And for a soul that lives her life with no regrets
She fears that this lack will kill what she wants so dearly
She's mastered remorse without regret
Something most people would refer to as a soulless skill
But it's a skill of necessity
A skill learned by those whom survive
And survival is something she is determined to do