it's been a while
Well we finally got the internet at home. We also got cable *gasp* I honestly do not know what to do with all the channels we have. I miss the two staticy ghetto channels I used to have. So much has happened over the last little while... It's hard to type it all out.
My baby sister is moving to Europe in October... She gets married in March. Everyone thinks it's so stellar because I get to go to Europe. But they aren't seeing it from my side. I mean going to Europe is going to be amazing but I am the only single child out of 5... I feel defective. My younger sister is getting married before me for crying out loud.
My birthday was on the first of this month. I had a small gathering here in Edmonton the weekend before and then celebrated with Dinner and Karaoke in Red Deer on my birthday. Two days after my birthday my best friends mum got married. I have the best non-family in the world I tell you.
I got a tattoo on the 2nd. Three stars a blue one for the boy I will never know, a pink one for my daughter that never got a chance and a black one for the child that I almost had this year. It's getting really hard for me to think about being a mother. I want to so bad but between the single thing and the not being able to carry a child for some fucking reason I just feel like I might be getting cheated out of my one fucking dream by what ever almighty power you choose to believe in. Of course I can choose to look at it that way or I can choose to look at it from the point of view that maybe the children I am supposed to have are not my own but kids that really need homes. There are so many out there after all. Then I wake up and realize every man wants their own children... I'm over reacting I know. Nothing is concrete yet any way.
I lost a lot of friends in the last little while. Got a new job... nothing important on either account.
I have come to love the people I have in Red Deer more and more over the last little while. Mayhap I had not met them I don't think I would be here... sorry to let you all down on that account. I will call Red Deer home in the new year.
I was in the hospital last night. I developed a migraine... there was an aura throughout the day but I had pegged it as just another brain killer... and got a nose bleed upon the rush of pain. It's nothing they found on a scan or with blood tests. Another mysterious brain thing... at least it wasn't an aneurysm this time. I'm hoping it's just from the stress of everything lately.
Everything is going so fast... I feel like everything is out of my control. I just want it all to slow down before I fall off.
My baby sister is moving to Europe in October... She gets married in March. Everyone thinks it's so stellar because I get to go to Europe. But they aren't seeing it from my side. I mean going to Europe is going to be amazing but I am the only single child out of 5... I feel defective. My younger sister is getting married before me for crying out loud.
My birthday was on the first of this month. I had a small gathering here in Edmonton the weekend before and then celebrated with Dinner and Karaoke in Red Deer on my birthday. Two days after my birthday my best friends mum got married. I have the best non-family in the world I tell you.
I got a tattoo on the 2nd. Three stars a blue one for the boy I will never know, a pink one for my daughter that never got a chance and a black one for the child that I almost had this year. It's getting really hard for me to think about being a mother. I want to so bad but between the single thing and the not being able to carry a child for some fucking reason I just feel like I might be getting cheated out of my one fucking dream by what ever almighty power you choose to believe in. Of course I can choose to look at it that way or I can choose to look at it from the point of view that maybe the children I am supposed to have are not my own but kids that really need homes. There are so many out there after all. Then I wake up and realize every man wants their own children... I'm over reacting I know. Nothing is concrete yet any way.
I lost a lot of friends in the last little while. Got a new job... nothing important on either account.
I have come to love the people I have in Red Deer more and more over the last little while. Mayhap I had not met them I don't think I would be here... sorry to let you all down on that account. I will call Red Deer home in the new year.
I was in the hospital last night. I developed a migraine... there was an aura throughout the day but I had pegged it as just another brain killer... and got a nose bleed upon the rush of pain. It's nothing they found on a scan or with blood tests. Another mysterious brain thing... at least it wasn't an aneurysm this time. I'm hoping it's just from the stress of everything lately.
Everything is going so fast... I feel like everything is out of my control. I just want it all to slow down before I fall off.