such shit
Hi I'm Paula and I'm single.... This is just such a shit feeling. I honestly put all my eggs in a basket with Dustin... and it's fucked, ruined, gone, and done. I could only handle being ignored and shunned, and put down for so long. I lost myself with him because I wanted to spend time with him. make him happy and make sure he didnt leave me again. well that was a fail. My attempts at doing things he likes and warping my schedual and things around just so I can see him was a fail. And now everything I have is tainted with him. Everything I have I dont want because it reminds me of him and how I failed to make someone I love happy. I'm disgusted with myself that I convinced myself he would be the one so it's okay to do things with him. I was wrong I guess and I wish I could take it back so it wouldn't hurt so much. Clearly I shouldn't have tried so hard to get him back last year. Clearly he would have been better off, and I wouldn't be stuck in plymouth. I wouldn't be without my support system. I wouldn't be a lone... and the heart ache would be over right now. and I wouldn't have had to deal with all the shit that I have dealt with thus far. I just wish I could have been better... and what he wanted... but i'm not and never will be so it was a waste of hope. and just a lot of hurt.