... It's over :(
All of today... I just wanted to savor the last few moments of being an actual sophomore taking sophomore classes. I just didn't want to think about the prospect of being a junior next year, the seniors this year leaving, and having to deal with NEXT year's seniors leaving... next year. And I didn't. It felt like I lived every moment out. Every single moment. But at the same time, I wanted to cry. Because chances are I'd never be with the exact same people in the exact same classes with the exact same teacher teaching the same subject again. And today afterschool I was with Steve and Dan in the library and Dan says, "you know, we'll never be sitting like this for a really long time," and it was so true. And so sad.
When I got off the bus today to trek the half-mile home to my house, I couldn't help but to start crying. All of a sudden, this year has ended and all my emotions that I've hidden through the day just came bursting through my eyes. Ten months out of my life had gone past in such a blur I couldn't even remember today properly. All I must have remembered was finding the spot in the library with Steve where you couldn't have been seen... nevermind :D. But in all honesty, I don't remember anything that happened in the beginning of the year. Everything's such a blur, everything happened so fast...
Time flies even when you're not having fun. It's so scary.
And now, I am... what? Unofficially a junior? My fucking goodness, that is scary.
A look back...
Well this year started off wonderfully, with no worries on my mind. Focusing on school, volleyball, doing more than enough to get past in everything, getting the grades that I wanted... middle of year was just plain stressful... I remember just thinking to myself that I wish this year would just be OVER so the work would be OVER and I wouldn't have to be doing stupid things for stupid classes that wouldn't even matter. I remember in the middle of the year getting to know new people, running track, and all that was muchos fun :) And now... too many good things have happened too quickly and all of this is ending way too soon.
Ask me if I regret anything that I've done this school year. And I'll say, without a second's thought, that I didn't regret a single thing I did. I don't regret the feelings that I hurt because now I don't have to deal with those certain people. I don't regret telling people that I love them without them at first returning their feelings because look where I am now. And I don't regret any grades I got, regardless if they brought my average down cause I've been learning constantly from my mistakes. I don't regret a single play I made in volleyball or a single race from track because it's all made me stronger in the end.
Ask me if I want any more from this school year and I can't think of anything? Why? I have my grades, the things that colleges will label me as. I have my wonderful friends to vent my anger out to, to tell everything I need to say to. I have an amazing boyfriend who will literally MAKE me shut up if I'm grating on his last nerve, to remind me that I'm wonderful and most of all, to hold me when I need to be held. Who can ask for more? What more is there to want? There's so much more space in my heart waiting to be filled... but with what? I don't think I need any more.
Ask me for the worst thing that's happened to me this year, and I'm going to say that it's gotta be that one time that I felt like the world was on my shoulders and everybody was turned against me. This was all like, last month. It was that one time when I was really mad at Claudia for this one little thing she said the night before on the phone that totally threw me off, and I was doing poorly in my classes, I couldn't focus, Steve was pushing me away, the Social Studies department thought it would be fun to ruin my life by making us take mandatory review sessions. I think that's as worse as life got.
And as for the best... when everything fell into place. A bit too late (like three weeks ago), but everything still fell into place. Wudan's world was at rest. She felt together, she was relaxing but at the same time, getting the grades that she deserved (or less :P), and most of all, she was liked back by that boy she liked for um... how long? Six months? Life was beautiful. And still is. Kick back just a little (but not too much) and it's all good.
I think the most important thing I learned from this year is to just stay true to yourself; love yourself for who you are and that will shine from you... and then at that point people will LIKE you for that person that you are and everything just falls into place. If you can't hold a strong self-esteem for yourself, how are others supposed to respect you? If you are insecure, how is anything supposed to shine from who you truly are? Sometimes you need to say, 'fuck the world,' 'fuck my friends,' and 'fuck my parents,' they don't know me. Nobody knows me, only I know me, and only I can solve my own problems. But most of all, you need to believe in yourself. Believe in yourself for who you are, what you've done, what you WANT to do, HOW you're going to do it, and WHAT it's going to take for that to happen. I think the hardest part of all that is just realizing that you have potential. Take a look back, look at all the things that have been all said and done and say to yourself, "yeah, I was strong during this time" and you'll learn that you can handle the situation, no matter how hard.
*sighs*
This year was great. I don't want the memories to be forgotten. Keep it coming... just two more years of absolute hell. Then off to freedom :D
To list ten things that made this year amazing: Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, My friends, the grades, track, Steve.
I'm finished.
When I got off the bus today to trek the half-mile home to my house, I couldn't help but to start crying. All of a sudden, this year has ended and all my emotions that I've hidden through the day just came bursting through my eyes. Ten months out of my life had gone past in such a blur I couldn't even remember today properly. All I must have remembered was finding the spot in the library with Steve where you couldn't have been seen... nevermind :D. But in all honesty, I don't remember anything that happened in the beginning of the year. Everything's such a blur, everything happened so fast...
Time flies even when you're not having fun. It's so scary.
And now, I am... what? Unofficially a junior? My fucking goodness, that is scary.
A look back...
Well this year started off wonderfully, with no worries on my mind. Focusing on school, volleyball, doing more than enough to get past in everything, getting the grades that I wanted... middle of year was just plain stressful... I remember just thinking to myself that I wish this year would just be OVER so the work would be OVER and I wouldn't have to be doing stupid things for stupid classes that wouldn't even matter. I remember in the middle of the year getting to know new people, running track, and all that was muchos fun :) And now... too many good things have happened too quickly and all of this is ending way too soon.
Ask me if I regret anything that I've done this school year. And I'll say, without a second's thought, that I didn't regret a single thing I did. I don't regret the feelings that I hurt because now I don't have to deal with those certain people. I don't regret telling people that I love them without them at first returning their feelings because look where I am now. And I don't regret any grades I got, regardless if they brought my average down cause I've been learning constantly from my mistakes. I don't regret a single play I made in volleyball or a single race from track because it's all made me stronger in the end.
Ask me if I want any more from this school year and I can't think of anything? Why? I have my grades, the things that colleges will label me as. I have my wonderful friends to vent my anger out to, to tell everything I need to say to. I have an amazing boyfriend who will literally MAKE me shut up if I'm grating on his last nerve, to remind me that I'm wonderful and most of all, to hold me when I need to be held. Who can ask for more? What more is there to want? There's so much more space in my heart waiting to be filled... but with what? I don't think I need any more.
Ask me for the worst thing that's happened to me this year, and I'm going to say that it's gotta be that one time that I felt like the world was on my shoulders and everybody was turned against me. This was all like, last month. It was that one time when I was really mad at Claudia for this one little thing she said the night before on the phone that totally threw me off, and I was doing poorly in my classes, I couldn't focus, Steve was pushing me away, the Social Studies department thought it would be fun to ruin my life by making us take mandatory review sessions. I think that's as worse as life got.
And as for the best... when everything fell into place. A bit too late (like three weeks ago), but everything still fell into place. Wudan's world was at rest. She felt together, she was relaxing but at the same time, getting the grades that she deserved (or less :P), and most of all, she was liked back by that boy she liked for um... how long? Six months? Life was beautiful. And still is. Kick back just a little (but not too much) and it's all good.
I think the most important thing I learned from this year is to just stay true to yourself; love yourself for who you are and that will shine from you... and then at that point people will LIKE you for that person that you are and everything just falls into place. If you can't hold a strong self-esteem for yourself, how are others supposed to respect you? If you are insecure, how is anything supposed to shine from who you truly are? Sometimes you need to say, 'fuck the world,' 'fuck my friends,' and 'fuck my parents,' they don't know me. Nobody knows me, only I know me, and only I can solve my own problems. But most of all, you need to believe in yourself. Believe in yourself for who you are, what you've done, what you WANT to do, HOW you're going to do it, and WHAT it's going to take for that to happen. I think the hardest part of all that is just realizing that you have potential. Take a look back, look at all the things that have been all said and done and say to yourself, "yeah, I was strong during this time" and you'll learn that you can handle the situation, no matter how hard.
*sighs*
This year was great. I don't want the memories to be forgotten. Keep it coming... just two more years of absolute hell. Then off to freedom :D
To list ten things that made this year amazing: Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, My friends, the grades, track, Steve.
I'm finished.