where does it all go?
do you remember when nothing really amounted to anything important?
i mean.. when you're actions, didn't always have such an impact on your life.
when you could go somewhere and just be completely true to yourself.
no lies.
you didn't have anyone to lie to,
to try to impress.
you had your family and that was basically it.
they were all you knew, and pretty much all you needed.
for now at least.
you didn't have to have the latest clothes.
you didn't have to always look cute.
no one cared if you were chubby.
you were young.
a kid.
carefree.
no one judged you.
you just....
were.
it's not like that now.
people look
people judge.
thats just how it is.
insecurity has become my security.
does that make sense?
when you look at me, and you see a smile.
somebody who looks pretty well rounded and together.
but god.
you have no idea.
everyone has their share of problems,
and that sucks.
unrealistic, but wishful thinking...
can't everything just.. fit?
work??
i cant even think straight right now.
there's too much in my end to write in complete understandable sentences.
i just want it all to stop.
i want everyone to be okay.
im scared.
i dont want you here
just go.
get it over with, and go.
god...being a kid must have been great.
i wish i could remember it all.
i wonder what i thought about.
i wish i could remember what exactly went through my head the weeks when my dad was never home.
or when he left for good.
i remember brushing my teeth, and asking my mom when daddy would be home.. and she just looked at me.
i was 4.
but i understood.
it was weird.
i want my life.
i know there is so much more...
but look how much has past.
am i where i wana be??
it's me.
always is.
put me in a car and steer me into a brick wall because im threw.
im going to south carolina on saturday morning.
my grandma needs me.
i bet she wishes she was a kid now too.
i mean.. when you're actions, didn't always have such an impact on your life.
when you could go somewhere and just be completely true to yourself.
no lies.
you didn't have anyone to lie to,
to try to impress.
you had your family and that was basically it.
they were all you knew, and pretty much all you needed.
for now at least.
you didn't have to have the latest clothes.
you didn't have to always look cute.
no one cared if you were chubby.
you were young.
a kid.
carefree.
no one judged you.
you just....
were.
it's not like that now.
people look
people judge.
thats just how it is.
insecurity has become my security.
does that make sense?
when you look at me, and you see a smile.
somebody who looks pretty well rounded and together.
but god.
you have no idea.
everyone has their share of problems,
and that sucks.
unrealistic, but wishful thinking...
can't everything just.. fit?
work??
i cant even think straight right now.
there's too much in my end to write in complete understandable sentences.
i just want it all to stop.
i want everyone to be okay.
im scared.
i dont want you here
just go.
get it over with, and go.
god...being a kid must have been great.
i wish i could remember it all.
i wonder what i thought about.
i wish i could remember what exactly went through my head the weeks when my dad was never home.
or when he left for good.
i remember brushing my teeth, and asking my mom when daddy would be home.. and she just looked at me.
i was 4.
but i understood.
it was weird.
i want my life.
i know there is so much more...
but look how much has past.
am i where i wana be??
it's me.
always is.
put me in a car and steer me into a brick wall because im threw.
im going to south carolina on saturday morning.
my grandma needs me.
i bet she wishes she was a kid now too.