Eternal Contemplations (24/24)
Title: Eternal Contemplations
Author: fading_tales
Pairing: Damon/Blair (Vampire Diaries/Gossip Girl cross-over)
Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Diaries, Gossip Girl or any of their characters.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Timing means nothing and everything when you have an eternity to live.
chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 ,14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23
Epilogue
A vampire walks into a bar. Their reunion begins with a bad joke, much like the cards fate dealt them.
Two years has passed since that day Blair Waldorf and Damon Salvatore’s timelines crossed paths. Damon should know by now that timing is everything and it is not coincidental. He should’ve turned and walked out the moment he saw her sitting there at the bar, her legs crossed at the ankles, her hair impeccably curled and lips just as red as he remembered. If he still breathed, his breath would have caught in his throat at the sight of her.
These last two years should have been merely microseconds compared to the rest of his lifespan, but for Damon since that last time he laid eyes on her, time has crawled along like a lame tortoise in the hot sun. Pathetic. He knows. But there it was. The dull, numbing pain that he couldn’t seem to shake off by being away from her. He’s thought he felt this way before, about another girl, another life. Only this time, there was no vampire compulsion, no illusions. It was all agonizingly real. It was for her own good though, so he stayed away. Consoled himself with whisky on the rocks and an endless loop of Taylor Swift songs. She’d mock him if she knew.
Yet there she was now right in front of him. All that yearning and longing that has been compounding by the second since he saw her last comes rushing into him from wherever he hid it inside of himself.
He sidles up next to her wordlessly as if she were a magnet and he a nail. She smiles that same old smile of hers at him, the one with the corners of her mouth turned slightly downwards as if she couldn’t fully commit herself to smiling fully.
“Hello stranger.”
“How did you find me?”
She glances down at her glass as she recalls the last two years.
She finds herself weaving through the crowd and raises her hand up to wave down a taxi. Soon the telltale yellow cab comes to a stop in front of her.
“Where to, miss?”
She looks down at the crumpled paper in her lap. It’s been folded over so many times the creases are about to tear.
“The airport,” she replies.
The cabbie nods and pulls the car out into traffic. She sinks back into the leather seats and clutches the piece of paper to her chest.
Bonnie’s neat handwriting graces the piece of paper that Blair holds close to her chest. A single word scrawled across the sheet: London.
When she left Stefan had warned her that it would be hard, that Damon won’t be found if he doesn’t want to be. Bonnie merely wished her good luck and clasped the magical bit of parchment into her hand.
And that was how it went. Every time Damon makes a move the word would change and she’d be on a new plane, chasing after words on a page.
She takes a sip of her martini and shrugs as the memories fade back into the recesses of her mind.
“Luck…” she answers while sending out a silent thank you to the young witch. “And maybe impeccable timing. I almost had you in Monaco you know, but something called me back to New York last minute.”
“Nate?”
Blair recalls the day she had bid farewell to Nate Archibald two years ago. She wasn’t sure then when she would be coming back. She wasn’t sure then even if she was human or vampire or something else entirely. There were many things she was unsure about back then. But not now. Now she’s sure. More sure than she think she’d ever be in her life.
“The other blonde.”
“Ah,” he nods knowingly. “A Serena Van der Woodsen crisis?”
“Nothing I couldn’t handle,” she answers confidently.
It was hard straddling two lives. Keeping a majority of her friends and family in the dark while trying to come to terms with what she was, but somehow she did it. And she plan to keep on doing it. She’s greedy that way. She doesn’t want to give up anybody. Stubborn, he’d say. But that’s what brought her here. That’s what brought them to this place, face to face once more.
“Are you sure you can stay away for too long? Your family must be worried.”
“Oh, they think I’m on a cruise, they won’t bother me much.”
“Cruise huh?”
Her usual flawless skin looks even more porcelain than ever.
“Are you as tired of running, Damon? Because I’m not tired of chasing yet,” she says cattily. “To be honest, I didn’t think I’d find you here. You never really liked small towns.”
“I guess I was feeling nostalgic,” he answers breezily.
What he was was sloppy and foolish. He let himself think that he’s lost her tail back when they were both in Madrid only to find himself retracing back to his old haunts. He was in New York just two days ago, but she didn’t know.
“Stefan doesn’t mind that you’re back?” Blair asks as she motions towards the bartender for a refreshed drink.
“He doesn’t know. We haven’t been in contact for a while now. For obvious reasons of course.”
She nods silently, tracing the wood grain on the bar top. “I’m tired. I just got off a redeye flight. Let’s go back to your place.”
“Are you always this forward with all the guys you meet in bars?”
“Only the handsome ones,” she replies coyly.
He smiles in spite of himself at her backhanded compliment and it takes him back to time when banter with Blair Waldorf could be a daily thing. That time has passed, however, so he concentrates on ingraining her every word, her every gesture to his memory. It will be something to tide him over for the forthcoming years without her.
She gets up and starts heading towards the exit, pausing at the doorway to see if he follows. When he doesn’t she struts back in on those impossibly high heels of hers that she always insists on wearing and takes his hand into hers, pulling him out of his seat forcefully. She’s a lot stronger than he remembered.
She alternates between pouting with coercion and threats to get him to take her back to the hotel he’s staying at. Finally he relents because he’s out of practice and he doesn’t have the acquired stamina to deal with a petulant Blair Waldorf anymore. She’s quiet for a good full minute until he misses the exit into the city.
“I thought we agreed that you’re taking me back to where you’re staying.”
“I am.”
“Don’t lie to me, Salvatore. We just missed the exit. The next hotel is another hour away and I doubt you’d lower yourself to some fleabag motel.”
“I’m not staying at a hotel.”
“Then where are you staying?”
Soon enough they pull up in front of a familiar big white house. Images of picnics on the floor instantly invades her memories.
“Here…? Why would you stay here?”
“I told you. I seem to have fallen nostalgic,” he says with a shrug.
“What? You’re like a squatter now?” she asks, wrinkling her nose at the notion as they walk through the front door.
He scoffs. “Nothing so proletarian. I bought it.”
“You did what?”
“I bought it,” he repeats.
“Why?” she asks incredulously as if it was the silliest thing he’s ever done.
“Because I felt like it,” he answers exasperatedly.
She glances around the place and notices that the living room is oddly barren even though the rest of the house is fully furnished.
“Why isn’t there any furniture in the living room?” she asks, turning around to look at him face-to-face.
“I haven’t found anything fitting for it yet…” he answers sheepishly.
Amusement and something softer plays on her face.
Despite all of her incessant questions, she quickly heads upstairs and curls up on his bed. Within seconds her eyes were closed. She wasn’t joking about being tired he thinks as he watches how the lighting cast shadows on her face. He realizes that this is probably his one and only chance to run, but he hesitates for a moment and she must have sensed it because she sleepily opens one eye and commands him to stay put until she wakes with threats against his manhood and other sensitive body parts. Cleverly, he does what she says.
Several hours later she wakes and orders him to fetch her something to eat because now that she’s awake, she’s hungry. She could have asked for the moon and he would’ve gotten it for her. Which is ironic because the only thing she’s truly asking of him, which is to stay and be with her, is the one thing he cannot do.
“I’ve been looking for you,” she states as she watches him he cut her sandwich (his specialty) diagonally in half.
He still can’t quite believe that she’s right in front of him. Same brown curls, same long, dark, sweeping eyelashes and perfectly red lips perfect for kissing. Even if currently those lips are graced with a scowl aimed at him, he wants to kiss them. He misses everything about her. He loves everything about her. It makes it all the harder to push her away.
“I know,” he replies simply, sliding the plate over to her across the kitchen counter.
“Then why are you making it so difficult?”
“Because I didn’t want you to find me.”
“Why not?”
“Why do you ask so many questions?”
“Maybe if you answered them I wouldn’t keep asking them.”
“Maybe you should take a hint and just stop asking.”
“You’re a real asshole, do you know that? You can’t just literally give a girl your heart and fake your death like that.”
She tries to sound nonchalant, but he can tell she’s raging inside by the way her hands had turned into fists at her side.
“Sure I can. What I should’ve done was do it more convincingly so you wouldn’t come looking for me. Was it Nate that slipped up? Stefan? Bonnie? Elena never really could keep a secret. She probably wrote it in her little diary.”
She interrupts his rambling with three words.
“I love you.”
Those three words that are so elegant in their simplicity and potential for utter devastation. Like a master, she delivers those world altering words as casually as if she was stating the weather and not breaking his heart all over again.
“You always did have a habit of tossing around the word ‘love’ carelessly.”
“Don’t belittle my feelings.”
“Don’t raise my hopes up,” he retorts. It comes out angrier than he intended, but all of his pent up frustration is just about to come bursting out. “You’re mortal, Blair.” He laughs a humorless laugh. “No, what’s worse is that you’re an Immune. We have no chance whatsoever. A hundred years from now, a thousand years from now, when you’re dust and a faint memory, what will I have? Front row seats to the apocalypse, that’s what. I’ve already have nearly two centuries on you.”
“Is that the only thing stopping you? An age difference?” she mocks.
“Is it the only thing?” he repeats sarcastically. “It’s a pretty big fucking thing.”
“There was a time when you convinced me that we could be together.”
“I was naïve then. Still full of romantic notions and whatnot. I thought that if Stefan and Elena could do it, we could too. But we can’t. We’re not like them. They still have a chance, but not us.”
“Why not us?” she demands.
“I watched you die once and I won’t do it again,” he says shaking his head. “I don’t want to. I won’t. Can’t you see that?”
“Stop being melodramatic. If you actually wanted me to give up, then it wouldn’t have been this easy to find you.”
“I was being careless. Don’t worry, it won’t happen again.”
“Why are you pushing me away? Why are you doing this?” she pleads.
“Why are you? Why are you making it difficult?”
“Because you lied to me. I thought you were dead! Do you know what that did to me? I thought you died because of me!”
“And you were about to die because of me,” he throws back.
“So now you are punishing me for something I couldn’t control.”
“That’s not it. I’m not trying to punish you.”
If anything he’s punishing himself.
“I’m trying to keep you safe,” he stresses. “You should’ve let me go! You were supposed to let me go!” His words echo her dying ones. “You should’ve just kept on thinking I died and lived happily ever with Nate. You were supposed to be happy with Nate!”
“But I wasn’t!”
“He loved you. He would’ve provided you with everything you would ever need, ever wanted-”
“That’s just it! He’s not what I wanted!”
“Well at least you were alive! Do you know how much you risk being with me? I’m a danger to you. Do you know what you are? I can’t even heal you! I’m a vampire, Blair. And I have enemies-”
“That’s not hard to imagine,” she mutters under her breath.
He ignores her snide comment. “If they know about you they’ll go after you. Do you understand? I can’t save you again! I only have one heart and you already have it!”
“I never could’ve been happy. Not without you. And it was a real jerk move to make that decision for me. I can make my own decisions, Salvatore. Newsflash, I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself.”
“You’d die with me. Would you put me through watching that happen again?”
They were going in circles. She toys with the cutlery on the table besides her plate.
“You told me to let you go when you thought you were dying. I tried. I’m still trying. You should do the same. It will be better for the both of us.”
“What if this whole… immortal versus mortal thing didn’t matter? Hypothetically speaking… Would it…” she pauses in her speech. “…change anything then? Can we be together then?”
“Let’s not waste time with hypotheticals.”
“Is this your way of telling me you don’t love me anymore? Because if that’s it then just say so and don’t make all of these excuses.”
He swallows, but doesn’t say anything.
“Why torture ourselves, Blair?”
“Is that what it is? I’m torturing you?” She tries smiling, but the joke has no effect on him.
“You know what I mean.”
She picks up her knife and twirls it about, maneuvering it between her fingers.
“Just answer me honestly. Do you still love me?”
He swallows and looks her straight in the eye when he answers.
“I do.”
He hates how weak he is that she forced him to admit it.
“But I can’t save you, I can’t protect you and I can’t watch you die so I’m going to let you go.”
“Is that your final answer?” She looks down and heaves a heavy sigh. “Like I said before, Damon, I don’t need anyone to protect me.”
She smiles as she pauses the twirling of the knife and calmly stabs herself in the stomach.
He was too stunned to stop her. All he could do was try and staunch the blood even as it blossomed out her midsection. Blood drips down from his fingertips and he’s angry at her, furious with her, but most of all he’s terrified.
“What the hell are you doing?! Are you crazy?!”
“Let go.”
His fangs have extended in either bloodlust or anger. She thinks it’s the latter from the expression on his face.
“And let you bleed to death? I don’t think so. What are you trying to pull here?”
“Haven’t you noticed?” she asks calmly. “It has stopped bleeding.”
It’s true. The rush of blood that was amplified by his vampire hearing has dulled.
“Really. Just let go. It’s getting a little awkward.”
“No.”
She frowns and slowly peels off his hand. When did she get so strong? She lifts her shirt above the belly button and calmly wipes away the blood with a Burberry handkerchief to reveal pale, unmarked flesh. The wound is gone, not even a scar left in its wake.
“Is that a new Immune trick or something?” he asks breathlessly.
The corners of her mouth upturns briefly to smile and she shakes her head. After a long stunned silence, he finally finds his voice again.
“How?”
Blair smoothes out her shirt ignoring the rather large blood stain covering the front of it and recalls the first time she discovered that she could heal. She remembers watching the wound on her hand knit close. She still remembers how terrified she was when she tried stabbing herself for the first time. The pain still so very real and the first time she did it the healing process was so slow she thought she really was going to die only to have the wound close completely over an hour later. She had never tried stabbing herself again, until now. Truth be told she was really quite nervous, but she had wanted the dramatic effect.
“Ironically enough… it’s thanks to Katherine,” she answers.
“I don’t understand.”
“She tried to kill me,” she says rolling her eyes.
He quirks his eyebrow at her as if she were the dense one.
“You know… I was bleeding to death on the floor say all sort of crazy stuff to you. Good-byes and what-nots.”
He doesn’t like recalling that memory.
“And you tried to get me to drink your blood.”
“It shouldn’t have worked, you’re an Immune.”
“It didn’t. I was dying,” she drawls. “And it was rather disgusting.”
Suddenly her expression changed from impatience to tenderness. It was a change so fast it left his head spinning.
“But you couldn’t give up.”
She reaches up a hand to touch his cheek and he grits his teeth and tries to stand impossibly still as if he were a stone that couldn’t feel, couldn’t be affected by her. Perhaps if he does it well enough he could convince himself to not feel so heartbroken anymore.
“You gave me your heart.” Her hand moves down from his cheek to lie on his chest. She doesn’t feel a single beat there. The silence is hallowing.
He’s still staring at her in amazement and so she continues on with her explanation.
“Your heart combined with the blood from Nate and the spell Bonnie casted. There were… side effects. Sort of. Guess somebody should’ve wrote a warning,” she laughs nervously.
“What do you mean side effects?”
“I healed. But it was too close you know. I was supposed to die. And the human… the non-Immune blood and your heart… it did something. It did more than save me.”
She suddenly turns rather nervous and the whole conversation is leaving him more confused than enlightened.
“I… I can’t die. It seems as if I’ve become an immortal.”
“Are you saying you… you turned?” he says in disbelief. The notion had not seemed possible.
She shakes her head slowly. “No… not completely. I can walk in the sun, although I’ve found that I burn much more easily that before. Makes going to the Hamptons during summer such a pain. I haven’t grown any fangs nor do I need to drink blood, thank god. Mostly I just… heal. Very quickly. I-”
“Stop talking.”
He starts pacing and she seats herself down on a barstool. She’s used to people pacing about nervously around her. She tends to have that effect on people and she’s learned to just wait it out.
“What did Bonnie say? I assume you talked with Bonnie?”
“Yes. She doesn’t know what I am.”
“Nothing in the grimoire.”
“Well if there isn’t much on Immunes how much information did you expect those grimiores to have on Immunes with vampire hearts that came back from the brink of death?” she replies cattily.
“How long will it last? This newfound immortality of yours?”
Once again Blair finds herself shaking her head. “I don’t know. In the beginning the healing was slow. Humanly so. But I’ve been doing experiments-”
“Experiments?” he interrupts anxiously. “You’ve been experimenting on yourself?”
“Well how else am I supposed to figure out what I can or cannot do? It’s not like there’s a handbook.”
“I don’t like it.”
“You just don’t like not being in control,” she points out. “Anyhow… like I was saying. The healing was slow in the beginning, but I’ve been experimenting and it’s getting faster. The bigger the wound the longer it takes to heal, but even now… I’ve healed exponentially faster than yesterday. And the day before that. I’m getting stronger and stronger every day. I can feel it! Rushing through my veins. This… sort of supernatural strength radiating through me.”
Her eyes are shining a bit brighter with a certain glow about her that he just can’t ignore. He notices now the subtle difference between the girl standing in front of him and the girl he left behind in the hospital bed. She looks like she’s gained some weight, where her arms use to be slender he can see more tone to them. A rosy blush graces her cheeks where before sharp shadows hallowed them out.
“What are you?” he asks wonderingly.
“I’m Blair,” she answers confidently.
It took her awhile to come to the realization herself, but the answer was so simple and there all along. Human, witch, immune, vampire, all of those are just labels, secondary to who she really is.
“I am Blair Waldorf and I’m in love with you, Damon Salvatore, so will you stop pacing and worrying and just kiss me already?”
She’s trained him well because he’s obedient and within two quick steps his hands were around her waist lifting her up off her seat and his lips exactly where she wanted them to be.
He kisses her like it was the last time, like it was the first time, like all the times he ever imagine in his head.
“You changed your mind pretty quickly,” she says smiling into his kisses. “I thought it would take a bit more convincing.”
“You overestimate my restraint.” Despite all of his protests he’s been waiting for any sort of excuse, any sort of reason at all to screw it all and be with her.
He kisses down her jawline, leaving little love marks in his wake that disappears before he can even remove his lips, and moves to place one on her shoulder when she puts a hand on his chest to stop him.
“Before we go any further…There’s something you have to know…”
He sees the slight apprehension in her eyes and all of the sudden his euphoria is bogged down with fear once again. There’s a catch. There’s always a catch. It would be too easy if they just have a Happily Ever After.
“I really don’t like the wallpaper for this kitchen. We’re going to have to do something about that.”
She smiles coquettishly at him and he laughs, expelling the breath he was holding. He feels like a child again, not an easy feat for someone of his insurmountable years. He had forgotten how to be alive since she left and now that she’s back all those feelings he has stowed away and thought of as human folly: fear, apprehension, joy, love. They’re all coming back and he didn’t realize that he has missed them all along.
xxx
She kisses him again and again, but it’s never enough. She could have kissed him a thousand times and it wouldn’t be enough. It’s a good thing they have an eternity because she doesn’t think a human life span, multiple human life spans or even the life span of the whole universe combined would be enough for her to tire of kissing Damon Salvatore.
When the world has become dust and everything she has ever known become a faint memory, she will stand there by his side watching the apocalypse. She can’t even contemplate any other alternative. She could spend a whole eternity of contemplations and would still arrive at the same conclusion.
“I want to be with you. We can do it. We’ll have forever.”
“Is that a promise?” He whispers back, pressing his forehead to hers. “It won’t be easy.”
“Are you trying to change my mind? I said forever, Damon.”
“Forever is a very long time. The life as you knew it… you won’t be able to go back anymore.”
“My life as I knew it already changed the moment I met you. I don’t regret anything.”
“But you might later-”
She stops his rambling with a tender kiss.
“I’m Blair Waldorf and you’re Damon Salvatore,” she whispers into his ear, her right hand cupping his cheek softly. “And I love you. I love now and I will love you tomorrow and I will love you until the end of time.”
He realizes that the key to making forever last is all about timing and right at this moment, holding Blair Waldorf in his arms there can be no better timing than the present.
FIN.
A/N: So there it is. After all the drama, angst, bloodshed and tears I thought Blair and Damon deserved to finally have a happy ending. I actually had this written up since I first began (I have a habit of writing endings before my beginnings, because I like having an endgame to reach), but I kept rereading and rewriting parts only to change them back and what not. So it’s been sitting on my computer and I couldn’t bring myself to upload it online because I was never really quite satisfied and there’s always something wrong and wanting. To be honest I’ve grown quite attached to this AU crossover and am a bit reluctant to let it go, but alas, all good things must end. This is by far the most fun I’ve had writing and I love all you readers who have commented, reviewed and supported me on this. Hugs for everybody! I hope you guys continue to check out my future fics! My obsession with Damon/Blair is yet to be over and hopefully I can get something new started soon! =)