(no subject)
i have until after wed... well god i dont know what to do what to say.. im so scared i know life goes on but what if it doesnt i mean what am i to do? seriously what the hell is worng with me? why am i the person i am why cant htey both just fucking find someone else? i'd rather be by my damn slef then deal with this no actually i wish i was in jail for a month.. lets see what happens then.. i swear on everything i;'d rather take a shower with an old fat ugly lesbian than be in the situation im in now.. i wish brian hadnt been so fucking stupid~! and you know the only person i can blame is him adn i have no fucking clue why. its my fault but for some randomly starnge reason i feel like yelling at him for it.. i just wish it hadnt happened. i wish bradley and garrett and jeremy and daniel had not let me tlak on the phone.. i wish so bad this wasnt this way... i hope nicole sends me a message back.. oh god i pray she gives me some good advice like brian would if he was here.. i miss him so much.. i cant wait to get some of his things and get a few newer pictures.. really i swear... i miss him.. how do i cope with all this? dear lord please help me.. i put all faith in you.. help me do what is right..