the pancake party
Last night I was sober. Seth didn't want to smoke, but he drank wine (I didn't, and I didn't eat any of the pancakes).
We went to Amy's pancake party and to be blunt at least 2 of the girls were EMACIATED, and I was clearly the largest one there... set me off completely. They all ate pancakes too with ice cream, golden syrup, chocolate sauce, lemon and sugar, and strawberries. They could afford to eat that. I couldn't even stretch myself to let me take a strawberry as even though they are 'low carb' they still are a fruit and have sugar, and I have a new fruit phobia...
Pathetic.
When we got home seth kept asking me what was wrong, and I just started to cry. I told him. He was really sweet, he said I was the prettiest girl there, and that 'all of the girls there (including ME) were underweight'. There wasn't any 'fat one'. He was really supportive, and I must have sounded like a lunatic...
After that I had some weed when seth went to bed, and I ended up binging on carbs. Real carbs (cereal, fruit parafiat, granola bars etc) and I haven't eaten 'real carbs' in 11 days straight now. Or many cals for that matter...
Feel like shit today, and like I really need to get in order NOW. And soc c/w marks coming out is a sign too.
We went to Amy's pancake party and to be blunt at least 2 of the girls were EMACIATED, and I was clearly the largest one there... set me off completely. They all ate pancakes too with ice cream, golden syrup, chocolate sauce, lemon and sugar, and strawberries. They could afford to eat that. I couldn't even stretch myself to let me take a strawberry as even though they are 'low carb' they still are a fruit and have sugar, and I have a new fruit phobia...
Pathetic.
When we got home seth kept asking me what was wrong, and I just started to cry. I told him. He was really sweet, he said I was the prettiest girl there, and that 'all of the girls there (including ME) were underweight'. There wasn't any 'fat one'. He was really supportive, and I must have sounded like a lunatic...
After that I had some weed when seth went to bed, and I ended up binging on carbs. Real carbs (cereal, fruit parafiat, granola bars etc) and I haven't eaten 'real carbs' in 11 days straight now. Or many cals for that matter...
Feel like shit today, and like I really need to get in order NOW. And soc c/w marks coming out is a sign too.