this strange but familiar path (jongin/jongdae)
this strange but familiar path
jongin/jongdae, 5700w, pg
kim jongdae has a stalker. written for chenpionships 2016.
It's a perfect day. The sun is out, bathing the mall in the heart of campus in warmth and there's just enough of a breeze that it's not too hot.
Kim Jongdae, 20 years old, spots his friends parked under the biggest oak tree on the lawn and makes his way over. Chanyeol is sitting propped against the trunk with his eyes closed, head bopping along lazily to whatever's streaming through his obnoxiously red headphones. Sprawled over Chanyeol's lap is Baekhyun, tongue curled over his top lip as he mashes at his phone with his thumbs.
More than a handful of people have asked Jongdae in the past whether or not Chanyeol and Baekhyun were dating. Jongdae always answered saying he'd like to know as well.
"Hey, losers," Jongdae says and drops his bag on Baekhyun's stomach. The only reaction is the tensing of Baekhyun's face, and it's unclear if it's from the weight of all off Jongdae's textbooks or because Baekhyun is losing the game he's playing.
Chanyeol peeks one eye open long enough to tip his chin up in greeting.
Jongdae settles in next to Chanyeol and grabs his biochemistry textbook, leaving his bag on top of Baekhyun. He opens it up to where he left off in chapter four, but is unsurprisingly unmotivated to read about protein structures.
"That kid's staring at you again."
Jongdae doesn't even bother to look anymore. A few weeks ago, Chanyeol had pointed out that some random guy's been stalking them since the beginning of the semester, specifically Jongdae. Jongdae had brushed it off until he caught the guy blatantly staring at him enough times that he couldn't excuse it as coincidence anymore. Today, Jongdae sees him sitting on the steps of the Physics building across the lawn, half listening to his friend, half letting his gaze fall to Jongdae every other minute.
Baekhyun wails pitifully and lets his phone drop to his chest. Definitely lost. "Why don't you go talk to him?"
"I'm not talking to a stalker."
"Not a stalker," Baekhyun says, shifting his head higher up on Chanyeol's thigh. Chanyeol's fingers comb through Baekhyun's hair on autopilot. "He's your stalker."
"You make him sound like a stray puppy I'm somehow responsible for."
Chanyeol shrugs one shoulder and says, "He kind of acts like one."
Jongdae grumbles and pulls his knees up, balancing his textbook on top. Still, he admits there's some truth there. Stalker dude always looks a bit pouty until he notices Jongdae looking at him, which is when he noticeably perks up. It's kind of endearing? But mostly creepy. Definitely outweighed by creepy.
He's two paragraphs into Protein Tertiary and Quaternary Structures when he peeks up again, but stalker guy is no longer there.
+
"I don't know, I'm starting to agree with Dumb and Dumber."
Jongdae looks up from his cup ramen. "Kyungsoo," he gasps.
"Yeah, no one is more horrified I just said that than me."
Kyungsoo got paired up as his roommate last year when they were still bright-eyed and bushy-tailed freshman. That got beat down when they suffered through Calculus II together, but the camaraderie they built through shared trauma led them to be roommates again this year. Or really, he was the best out of three evils, as Kyungsoo sometimes reminded him. Which explains Jongdae's shock at hearing those words.
"You agree with Baekhyun and Chanyeol," Jongdae says very slowly, as if there's another smarter set of Baekhyun and Chanyeol around and Kyungsoo's mixing them up with the less smarter pair Jongdae knows.
"Could you lessen the blow and not say their names out loud?" Kyungsoo pushes his black-rimmed glasses up before they slip down to the end of his nose. "Anyway, he doesn't actually stalk you, right? He's just in the same place as you sometimes. We all go to this school, it's inevitable."
"'He's just in the same place as you sometimes' is the nicest way I've ever heard anyone describe a stalker." Jongdae swivels his chair around and shoots his carton into the trash.
"He seemed harmless the couple times I've seen him. Maybe he likes you and he's ballsy enough to show it."
Jongdae considers this somewhat seriously. Then he considers all the horror films he's ever watched. "Okay, what if he likes me but also wants to kill me?"
Kyungsoo picks his pink highlighter back up, ready to attack Conformations of Alkanes and Cycloalkanes. "I don't know," he says flatly. "Yolo?"
Scratch everything. This is already a horror movie.
+
Jongdae is a morning person, a fact which surprises no one around him. His routine is the same everyday: wake up with the sun and head straight for the showers.
It's not the greatest thing, sharing a communal bathroom with a floor of boys. Most days, Jongdae tries not to think about all the bacteria surrounding him in the tiny stall.
Usually there's no one else awake at this time, so Jongdae does not notice the other person in the bathroom with him until a shadow creeps up on him while he's brushing his teeth. He nearly drops his toothbrush and the towel around his waist.
"Sorry," someone says while Jongdae fumbles to saves his toothbrush and his dignity.
It's Stalker Guy. The security for their dorm is bullshit. He's wearing a ratty t-shirt and Iron Man boxers, rubbing at his eyes like he's a sleepy toddler two seconds away from asking for his blankie, but Jongdae raises his fists anyway, ready to fight.
"Are you okay?" Stalker Guy says, blinking at him slowly.
"Look, I don't know what you want, but I took a year of taekwondo in 4th grade."
Stalker Guy continues to stare. "I know," he says and shuffles closer.
Knows what? Jongdae should not have picked fight over flight. Fourth grade was eons ago and the only move he mastered was how to fall down without hurting himself. "Don't come any closer!"
Stalker guy tilts his head. The cowlick sticking straight up in the back sways slightly. "You really don't recognize me?" he says. "Thought maybe your vision had just gotten terrible."
Jongdae's vision is terrible. He peers at Stalker Guy's face, but can't keep eye contact for more than half a second at a time. Still, all he sees is the guy who's been staring him down since the start of semester a few weeks ago. But he lowers his hands hesitantly, one because this seems like a case of mistaken identity and two, his towel is two seconds from unraveling and even his sunshine personality isn't enough to handle dropping trou this early in the morning.
"I think you're mixing me up with someone else," Jongdae says, shuffling around to the door.
"I don't think I am?"
But Jongdae is already gone.
+
"I don't think we can categorize him as a stalker anymore if he saw you naked and didn't do anything."
Chanyeol nods in agreement to what Baekhyun's words, his cheeks stuffed too full of kimbap to attempt speech. Business majors were so useless.
"I wasn't naked," says Jongdae. "Also, what?"
Kyungsoo sits down next to him and says, "When were you naked?"
"Never."
Chanyeol swallows, but there's a piece of seaweed on his front tooth. "You're naked when you shower. Weren't you?" He leans over the table, eyes wide. "Oh my god, are you a never nude?"
"I don't have to take this," Jongdae says. He stands, but Kyungsoo tugs him back down.
"I found out who your secret admirer is."
"I'm not interested."
Baekhyun practically launches himself out of his seat and crowds in on Kyungsoo's other side. "No one asked you," he says to Jongdae, then props his chin on his hand and blinks prettily at Kyungsoo. "Tell us more."
First, Kyungsoo takes his time unpacking his lunchbox. Baekhyun's face tightens up like a wall put up to keep the whining at bay, his lips flattening when Kyungsoo makes sure his spoon and chopsticks are perfectly parallel to each other. Canines showing by the time Kyungsoo's taken the lids off everything and picks up the chopsticks again to eat.
"Dude, Kyungsoo," Chanyeol says, even though he's not even holding back on laughing at Baekhyun.
Kyungsoo feeds Baekhyun a piece of sausage like rewarding a patient puppy. "I saw Yixing talking to him before our class," he says. "They're in some student group together."
"That's it?" Chanyeol says, snorting. "That's all you got?"
Kyungsoo flicks a piece of kimchi right onto Chanyeol's forehead. "I wasn't done, you overgrown twig," he says as they all ignore Chanyeol's complaints of kimchi juice getting in his eye. "His name's Jongin and he's a freshman."
The name seems familiar to Jongdae, but then again, he's heard lots of names in his life. He thinks about how sure Stalker G - Jongin - had been that they knew each other, but still nothing is ringing a bell for him.
"If he's a freshman, why was he in our dorm?" Baekhyun says, stealing another sausage. Kyungsoo twists Baekhyun's wrist to make him drop it.
"He was in our dorm?" Kyungsoo says to Jongdae.
Chanyeol butts in, "He was in our bathroom, with Jongdae, who was not naked because he's a never nude."
"You've seen me naked!" Jongdae says, unsure why he's even defending himself on this. "We've been to the sauna like 100 times together."
Chanyeol shrugs, unconvinced.
"He thinks we know each other," Jongdae says. He goes for Kyungsoo's food and Baekhyun looks very affronted when Kyungsoo lets him. "But I have no idea who he is."
"Didn't you ask where he knows you from?" Kyungsoo says, giving in and sliding over a small stack of jeon to Baekhyun with a loud sigh when Baekhyun keeps pouting. "Are you broke? Why can't you buy yourself enough food?" Baekhyun stuffs his mouth instead of answering.
Jongdae takes a deep breath in. "No, I kind of … ran away?"
Kyungsoo outright laughs at him. "You ran away from some harmless kid?"
"You don't know that he's harmless," Jongdae insists.
"We don't actually live in a horror film," Kyungsoo says. "The worst he's done is stare at you too much."
"Seriously, next time talk to the guy like a normal person," Chanyeol says. He reaches across the table and yells when Kyungsoo hits his knuckles with the chopsticks.
"Can you jerks stop eating my lunch?" Kyungsoo says, then hits the back of Baekhyun's head. "Why are you still sitting here? There's no room."
The immediate whining from Baekhyun and Chanyeol becomes background noise. Jongdae tips forward and drops his head against the table with a dull thunk, wondering how someone who's he's said all of ten words to can cause him so much stress.
+
Midterms come and go. Jongdae only had to pull one all-nighter for his biochemistry class, but a week later he's still walking around with a 4-pack of energy drinks to whip his sleep schedule back into shape.
He hasn't seen Jongin again since that morning in the bathroom, but then wonders why he even cares. This peace is what he had wanted from the beginning anyway.
Done with his Friday classes, Jongdae ventures into the coffee shop down the street from the Chemistry building. He's feeling sluggish and the energy drinks are starting to lose their effect.
He parks himself at a table in the back corner where it's quieter, away from the grind of the espresso machines, and sips at his americano, waiting for the caffeine to kick in. He plays a game on his phone, happy to not think about glycoproteins or abzymes for a few minutes.
Baekhyun pings their group chat about, theoretically, how many grapes he could fit in his mouth at the same time. Jongdae actually thinks about it very seriously and is about to reply when the chair across from him gets pulled out and he looks up to see Jongin sit down.
"Oh boy," he mumbles, mostly to himself, and flushes a little when Jongin smiles in response. Maybe because he's still feeling sluggish or because his post-midterm casual attitude has made him more carefree, but he goes out on a limb and says, "How many grapes do you think my friend Baekhyun could fit in his mouth all at once?"
For whatever reason, Jongin takes this question in stride. He crosses his arms and presses his lips together pensively, then says after a few moments, "Well, when Sehun did it, he couldn't get more than 14."
Jongdae nods at this perfectly reasonable number and types it into the group chat. Baekhyun responds with 'challenge accepted!!!' which is as good a time as any for Jongdae to set his phone aside. Despite the easy exchange just seconds ago, he feels awkward now and sips at his drink, except it's running on low and he gets more air than coffee.
"Hyung," Jongin says and Jongdae chokes on his coffee flavored ice water.
"Isn't that a little too personal too fast?" Jongdae says, pushing his cup off to the side.
Jongin props his elbow on the table and rests his chin on his hand. "Because you think we're strangers?"
"We are strangers."
"You just don't remember."
"Fine," Jongdae says, sitting back and crossing his arms over his chest. "Tell me what I've forgotten."
Jongin smirks at him again and Jongdae experiences a rush of embarrassment, like it's his own fault for not being in the know. Before Jongdae can complain about it, Jongin says, "I won't tell you, but I'll give you a hint."
"This has got to be crossing some boundary," Jongdae says, eyeing Jongin with slight alarm when he comes over to sit next to Jongdae. "I'm not playing a guessing game with you."
"It's not a game," Jongin says, looking at him very seriously. "I have to go now though. Bye, hyung."
And then Jongin kisses Jongdae on the cheek. It is quick, a barely there brush of his lips against Jongdae's skin, but it is hands-down, one hundred percent, irrefutably a kiss.
Jongdae is silent afterwards. He's silent when Jongin stands up and waves goodbye. He is still frozen when Jongin is long gone, staring blankly at the coffee shop doors, as if waiting for Jongin to come back and explain himself.
That doesn't happen. When Jongdae finally comes back to his senses, he picks up his phone and messages the group: he kissed me.
The flurry of responses in the form of stickers and exclamation marks, plus Baekhyun's follow-up of '15 motherfuckers!!!' attached to a proof shot, only adds to the haze of what just happened.
+
"Was the kiss the hint?"
"How could a kiss be the hint?"
"Well, what else could it have been, genius?"
While the other three argue over Jongdae's predicament, Jongdae himself is under the covers and has his head buried under a pillow. He's wondering all the same things for the past two days and still doesn't have an answer.
"Hold on," Baekhyun says, right before he rips Jongdae's pillow away. "We've forgotten something very important."
"Such as?" Jongdae says, when Baekhyun doesn't continue immediately.
"You haven't said anything about how much you didn't like it."
"Didn't like what?"
Chanyeol comes up next to Baekhyun, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "The kiss."
"What?" Jongdae sits up. "That's what you're focusing on?"
Kyungsoo spins around in his chair. "I kind of agree," he says slowly, "with them."
"Kyungsoo!" Baekhyun says, whipping his head around to give Kyungsoo the most devoted look of glee.
"Don't," Kyungsoo says, without even looking at Baekhyun. "But they have a point. You haven't said anything about being kissed by a boy."
"Weren't you the one who called him a secret admirer first?" Jongdae says.
"Those seem like mutually exclusive things," says Kyungsoo. He bites his lip, careful. "I'm not trying to imply anything."
Jongdae rubs his face and sighs, looking at each of their faces. "I don't mind," he says eventually, picking at a stray thread on his jeans. "If a boy kisses me."
They are all quiet for a few minutes and Jongdae is afraid to raise his head, in case what he sees will leave his chest aching.
Baekhyun, unsurprisingly, is the one who can't keep quiet and asks, "Would you mind if a girl kissed you?"
Jongdae lets out a shaky laugh blanketed in relief. "No, I wouldn't mind that either."
Chanyeol nods. "Okay, I think we should vote on whether or not the kiss was the hint."
"How does that help anything?" Kyungsoo says, but when Baekhyun calls for a vote, he raises his hand for 'in favor' anyway.
It ends up being 2 to 2, further proving Kyungsoo's point, but Jongdae feels a bit lighter about everything all the same.
+
The following Monday, Jongdae leaves his calculus class to find Jongin waiting outside the building. The weather's unusually warm for late October and Jongin is without a jacket. His pink button down is messily tucked into his jeans and the sleeves are rolled up to his elbows. He's scrolling through something on his phone, one earbud in, the other looped behind his neck. Jongdae stops at the top of the steps and just, lets himself look for a bit before his presence is noticed. Now that he's taking the time, he admits that Jongin is pretty easy on the eyes. Which he already knew at the coffee shop, but something about today and the casually rumpled way Jongin's shirt hangs on him, has Jongdae acknowledging it.
"Are you my stalker?" Jongdae says when he comes up behind Jongin.
Jongin glances up and takes his earbuds out. "I don't know. Are you assuming I'm waiting here for you?"
"Well, I mean - I wasn't serious," Jongdae says, stilted.
The corner of Jongin's eyes crinkle when he smiles. "You seemed like you were," he says, and waves his phone in the air. "I asked Yixing for your friend's number - Kyungsoo? He told me where your class was."
"So you are one."
Jongin grabs Jongdae's wrist and starts walking towards the west edge of campus. He lets go when Jongdae starts following on his own. After, Jongdae rubs his skin absently.
"Kyungsoo asked me that too," Jongin says. When Jongdae doesn't get it, he clarifies, "If I was stalking you."
"I can't believe Kyungsoo gave up my info that easily."
"He seems like a cool guy."
Jongdae's eyes keep straying to Jongin's jawline when the other talks. He turns away and watches the students walking on the opposite side of the street. "Did you admit that you were?"
"I said I could see how my actions lately could be concerning."
"You followed me into the bathroom!" Jongdae says. Multiple people around them look their way and Jongdae shuffles so he's walking behind Jongin, who doesn't seem to be bothered by his loud accusation.
"I didn't follow you," Jongin laughs. "My neighbor's son is a sophomore and stays in your dorm too. He was helping me with my math course and I just crashed in his room instead of going back to my building. I was surprised to see you too."
Jongdae wonders where they're going. They left campus grounds a while back and are coming up on a residential area with towering apartment buildings up ahead. "Why won't you just tell me who you are?"
Jongin shoves his hands into his pockets and shrugs. "I guess I'm a little upset that you didn't recognize me immediately and that you still don't," he says, keeping his eyes forward. "Like, am I that forgettable?"
The tiniest bit of guilt settles in Jongdae's stomach. "I'm not doing it on purpose."
Jongin knocks their shoulders together. "I know," he says, grabbing Jongdae's wrist again. "Come on."
They veer toward a park. It's mid-afternoon and the crowd is mostly mothers and nannies catching up with each other while they push their strollers along the paved walkways. Jongdae doesn't understand why they're here and only grows more confused when Jongin brings them to the playground. There are a few toddlers running around and after Jongin deposits him on a swing, Jongdae sweats trying to figure out how to position himself to look as little like a child predator as possible.
"I feel very uncomfortable right now," Jongdae says as Jongin settles in the swing next to him. They barely fit and the metal rings connecting the seat to the chains dig into Jongdae's hips. A little girl runs up to them, stares, then runs away again. "We're going to get arrested."
"We are if you keep staring at the children instead of ignoring them." Jongin takes the end of Jongdae's swing in both hands and pulls, making them meet in the middle. It also shows off the muscles in Jongin's forearms quite nicely, not that Jongdae is paying attention. Instead, he is focusing on how close Jongin's face suddenly is when he says, "Look at me instead."
"I am," Jongdae says and if his voice is quiet and a little strained, he isn't going to acknowledge it.
"What do you see?"
This time, Jongdae really tries to remember. He takes in every feature of Jongin's face from his thick brows to his broad, slightly flat nose, to the jawline that Jongdae doesn't quite want to admit makes his stomach flip in a not entirely bad way.
Still, his brain doesn't cooperate. "Sorry," he says, shrugging apologetically. "I don't know what you want me to say."
"Hyung, you're only a year older than me," Jongin says, looking genuinely shocked. "Why is your memory this bad?"
"Excuse you," Jongdae says, shoving at Jongin's shoulder, but not hard enough to make Jongin lose his grip.
"All right, fine," Jongin says with a big sigh. "Think back to elementary school."
"Early or late?"
Jongin bites the inside of his lip as he thinks for a moment. "You were in fifth grade," he says and takes one hand away from Jongdae's swing to draw an invisible line in front of Jongdae's forehead. "You had a bowl cut and one of your teeth had just fallen out." He taps his own incisor. "This one, I think."
One of the family photos Jongdae's mom has hanging in their home was taken the summer after Jongdae finished fifth grade. Everything Jongin is saying matches the Jongdae captured in that moment, standing proudly in his best suit next to his father.
"You really do know me," Jongdae says, a little bit in awe.
Jongin laughs. "Yeah, but what I'm trying to say is you know me too."
"Give me some more hints."
Jongin tilts his head, humming like he's not sure if he should. "Okay," he says finally. "The school year had just ended. We were at a playground just like this one. I was crying and you were trying to cheer me up by doing imitations of the characters on Doraemon. My mom yelled that I had to go, but I started crying more because I didn't want to. You gave me a hug and told me to stop being sad, that I would make new friends and everything would be fine."
A memory sparks in Jongdae, but floats just out of his reach. He remembers the playground near his old apartment and how he used to run around with his friends whenever they had a spare moment.
"When I finally left I said, 'bye hyung, don't forget about me' and you said you wouldn't." Jongin leans in even closer and mumbles, "Then I," and pecks Jongdae on the cheek, so quick that Jongdae barely registers it happening.
In the next moment, Jongin releases Jongdae's swing and gets up, stretching his arms over his head. He stands between Jongdae and the sun, pushes his hand through his bangs and -
"Kim Jongin!" Jongdae blurts out, sudden enough that Jongin takes a tiny step back. He stands up and points at Jongin, excited and relieved that he's finally figured it out. "Little Kim Jongin who came over for dinner every Wednesday when both your parents worked late and we watched Transformers together and my mom always complained that you were too skinny even though you always ate all the meat she gave you."
Jongin stares wide-eyed for one, two beats, then laughs so hard that he has to lean against one of the swing set's poles. When he catches his breath, he says, "I'm still skinny, but I'm not little anymore."
That much was undeniable. The whole reason why Jongdae didn't have this epiphany sooner was because Jongin barely resembled the kid from nearly fifteen years ago. He's got three inches on Jongdae now and is annoyingly filled out in all the right places. Jongdae knows the Jongin whose hair was always in his eyes as they sat at Jongdae's dining table sometimes doing homework, but most times drawing ridiculous cartoons on each others' papers. The Jongin in front of him now is someone too good looking, someone who Jongdae might spot at the library or while grabbing lunch with Baekhyun and let himself admire for a fleeting moment, but not have the confidence to do anything about it.
Just then, Jongin turns his head slightly to the right and the sun practically makes his hair glow and Jongdae has to stop himself from rolling his eyes.
"No, you turned out … nice," Jongdae says, keeping his voice even. "Just, a lot different."
"Which parts of me?" Jongin says and Jongdae stares back.
"You're being serious?"
Jongin shrugs as if to say, of course.
"I'm not going to sit here and list everything!"
Jongin smiles. "So there's a list."
"Don't take me so literally." Jongdae picks up his bag. "Can we leave? The boy behind you has been giving us the stinkeye for hogging the swings for the past two minutes."
Jongin slings his arm over Jongdae's shoulders. "Sure, you should treat me to dinner like a nice hyung would," he says, pointing them back towards campus. "We have lots of catching up to do."
"I would like to go back to not knowing you," Jongdae deadpans, but he doesn't move Jongin's arm and checks that he has enough cash in his wallet to get barbecue, already thinking about all the things he wants to ask this boy who doesn't want to let go of him.
+
Over the next few weeks, they meet up a lot. He finds out that Jongin is majoring in library sciences ("You nerd") and also works at the library on campus ("You nerd"). Jongin argues that a biochemistry major has no room to talk, but Jongdae won't hear it.
Jongdae can't complain too much about it because Jongin scores him both dibs on the private study rooms and discount drinks from the cafe on the ground floor. He'll often show up in the middle of Jongin's shift and is pretty diligent about studying, at least until Jongin joins after he's clocked out. Their attempts to be serious about their academic careers usually devolve after fifteen minutes when Jongin starts nudging Jongdae's foot under the table and whines about what Jongdae should buy him for dinner.
Today, Jongin is craving dakgalbi, his upper body sprawled all over the table in front of Jongdae as if he's dying from starvation.
"Am I the only person you know on campus?" Jongdae says, swatting Jongin's hand away when Jongin keeps poking his arm. "Don't you have other people to pout at until they feed you?"
"Yeah, but they're not you."
The words come out of Jongin so easily, but they also sound genuine and that's what makes Jongdae pause.
"I still think the kissing was a bit weird," Kyungsoo had said a few days ago while Jongdae hopped around the room changing out of his jeans and into sweatpants. "I don't think a platonic dongsaeng would do that just to remind you who he was."
Jongdae hasn't brought it up with Jongin since then, not really having a reason to. Except for these moments when Jongin says things that make Jongdae wonder.
"Hyung, are we leaving or not?" Jongin says, blinking slowly like he'd rather take a nap than go out to eat.
The end of Jongdae's pen is a mangled mess already, but he keeps chewing on it, studying Jongin much harder than he did the pages about lipid biosynthesis open in front of him. He sucks in a breath and says, "Are you flirting with me sometimes?"
Jongin crosses his arms on the table and rests his chin on them. "Depends on what answer you want to hear."
That's basically a yes. Jongdae sits back, slouching a little bit in his seat. He takes the pen out of his mouth and worries his bottom lip between his teeth instead. "You didn't have to kiss me to try and make me remember," he says, thinking back to what Kyungsoo had said.
Jongin huffs. "Well I wouldn't have if I'd known you had forgotten all about it."
"Why are you pouting?"
Jongin sits up and says with an accusatory glare, "It was my first kiss!"
Jongdae scoffs. "Cheek kisses do not count."
"Yes they do, so what are you going to do to make it up to me?"
"I -" Jongdae starts, but Jongin's words register fully and he gets a little red in the face. "That's not what we're talking about right now!"
"You're the one who didn't answer my question," Jongin mumbles, his top lip curling up in a sneer. For a moment, Jongdae imagines himself reaching over and tracing his thumb over it, then immediately shuts that thought down. Jongin takes a piece of scrap paper and says, "If I was, you know, flirting, would that be okay?"
The paper gradually turns into a boat. Jongin pushes it toward Jongdae, then leaves his hand outstretched.
"You're unreal," Jongdae says, dragging both his hands down his face. "I can't believe I'm having this conversation with the kid I used to watch Transformers with."
"I think it's a great backstory to our relationship."
"Relationship."
"Future relationship?" Jongin amends. He's trying to play it casual, but Jongdae can hear the nervousness underneath.
Jongdae glances again at Jongin's open palm and thinks, yeah, maybe it'd be nice to hold it against his own. He sighs loudly and starts packing up his things, ignoring Jongin's questioning noise.
"Come on," he says after he zips up his backpack, standing up and looking everywhere except at Jongin's face. "Dakgalbi is terrible for a first date. I'll take you to the new Italian place down the street."
Even without looking, the beaming smile that stretches across Jongin's face is impossible to miss. If it makes Jongdae's insides melt, he makes sure to keep that completely to himself.
+
"Who knew you'd end up dating your stalker."
Jongdae drops his burger and gestures sharply to his left. "Baekhyun. He's right here."
Jongin looks up from his half-eaten fried chicken wing and shrugs. "I don't mind," he says, stealing a fry from Jongdae's tray. "So we're dating then?"
For once, Baekhyun and Chanyeol go stock still, food frozen halfway to their mouths, waiting for Jongdae to answer. On Jongdae's other side, Kyungsoo does a poor job of hiding his laugh as he wipes his mouth with a napkin.
"Well, I mean," Jongdae stutters, the tips of his ears growing warm, "we've been on like, four dates."
"Yeah, but there's a difference between going on dates and dating."
"Yeah, Jongdae," Baekhyun and Chanyeol chorus. Jongdae considers pieing them in the face with their slices of pizza.
"What's the difference?" Jongdae says.
"I think," Kyungsoo butts in, crumpling up his burger wrapper, "Jongin is asking if you want to be boyfriends."
Jongin leans forward so he can see Kyungsoo. "Hyung! You understand me." Kyungsoo shoots back a thumbs up. Jongdae experiences an unexpected split second of … jealousy?
"Of course we're boyfriends," Jongdae says too loudly, but it accomplishes what he wanted and directs Jongin's attention back to him. "If you wanted to know. Officially."
"This is so romantic," Chanyeol says and shoves a chicken tender in his mouth.
The cafeteria is suddenly too warm and the skin at the back of Jongdae's neck prickles. But Jongin is looking at him with such a warm, genuine smile that it's not the worst thing, suffering through this conversation in front of his friends.
Jongin grabs Jongdae's hand under the table and tips his head onto Jongdae's shoulder. "Boyfriends," he says, quiet enough for only the two of them to hear.
The sound of a camera shutter goes off and Jongdae glances up in time to see Baekhyun put his phone down. "You guys are cute," he says, sighing wistfully. "I need someone to be this cute with."
Jongin perks up a little and says, "Aren't you dating Chanyeol-hyung though?"
"What?" Baekhyun says, his features scrunching up in disgust. Meanwhile, Chanyeol chokes on his soda mid-sip. "You think this jerk is my style?"
"Pot meet kettle," Chanyeol croaks.
"How are we supposed to know when you keep napping on his thigh?" Jongdae points out.
"Yeah, 'cause his leg is there and I need proper neck support," Baekhyun says like it's obvious. Jongdae rolls his eyes.
"Who's your style then?" Jongin says.
Baekhyun reddens. "No one you know," he mumbles, but his eyes slip up and Jongdae is way too happy to catch it.
"Oh my god."
"Kim Jongdae," Baekhyun warns, but it's too late.
It is basically Christmas morning. Jongdae turns to his right and faces Kyungsoo and doesn't say a word. Watching realization dawn on Kyungsoo's face is the best thing since sliced bread.
"Oh my god," echoes Kyungsoo, except he sounds like his soul just left his body.
"No," Baekhyun insists, but he's a terrible liar. "Jongdae is wrong."
"No, I'm not," Jongdae says, practically cackling as he watches the color drain from Baekhyun and Kyungsoo's faces, each for a different reason.
Getting an official boyfriend and discovering Baekhyun's crush makes for a pretty productive lunch. Jongdae slips his arm around Jongin's waist and pulls him closer, his good mood growing when Jongin naturally leans into him.
"Eat your chicken, you stick," Jongdae says to Jongin under the ruckus of Chanyeol of slapping the table and laughing at Kyungsoo's sudden predicament. "You've got class in half an hour."
Jongin smiles and brushes his lips over Jongdae's cheek. "Thanks for remembering, hyung."
jongin/jongdae, 5700w, pg
kim jongdae has a stalker. written for chenpionships 2016.
It's a perfect day. The sun is out, bathing the mall in the heart of campus in warmth and there's just enough of a breeze that it's not too hot.
Kim Jongdae, 20 years old, spots his friends parked under the biggest oak tree on the lawn and makes his way over. Chanyeol is sitting propped against the trunk with his eyes closed, head bopping along lazily to whatever's streaming through his obnoxiously red headphones. Sprawled over Chanyeol's lap is Baekhyun, tongue curled over his top lip as he mashes at his phone with his thumbs.
More than a handful of people have asked Jongdae in the past whether or not Chanyeol and Baekhyun were dating. Jongdae always answered saying he'd like to know as well.
"Hey, losers," Jongdae says and drops his bag on Baekhyun's stomach. The only reaction is the tensing of Baekhyun's face, and it's unclear if it's from the weight of all off Jongdae's textbooks or because Baekhyun is losing the game he's playing.
Chanyeol peeks one eye open long enough to tip his chin up in greeting.
Jongdae settles in next to Chanyeol and grabs his biochemistry textbook, leaving his bag on top of Baekhyun. He opens it up to where he left off in chapter four, but is unsurprisingly unmotivated to read about protein structures.
"That kid's staring at you again."
Jongdae doesn't even bother to look anymore. A few weeks ago, Chanyeol had pointed out that some random guy's been stalking them since the beginning of the semester, specifically Jongdae. Jongdae had brushed it off until he caught the guy blatantly staring at him enough times that he couldn't excuse it as coincidence anymore. Today, Jongdae sees him sitting on the steps of the Physics building across the lawn, half listening to his friend, half letting his gaze fall to Jongdae every other minute.
Baekhyun wails pitifully and lets his phone drop to his chest. Definitely lost. "Why don't you go talk to him?"
"I'm not talking to a stalker."
"Not a stalker," Baekhyun says, shifting his head higher up on Chanyeol's thigh. Chanyeol's fingers comb through Baekhyun's hair on autopilot. "He's your stalker."
"You make him sound like a stray puppy I'm somehow responsible for."
Chanyeol shrugs one shoulder and says, "He kind of acts like one."
Jongdae grumbles and pulls his knees up, balancing his textbook on top. Still, he admits there's some truth there. Stalker dude always looks a bit pouty until he notices Jongdae looking at him, which is when he noticeably perks up. It's kind of endearing? But mostly creepy. Definitely outweighed by creepy.
He's two paragraphs into Protein Tertiary and Quaternary Structures when he peeks up again, but stalker guy is no longer there.
+
"I don't know, I'm starting to agree with Dumb and Dumber."
Jongdae looks up from his cup ramen. "Kyungsoo," he gasps.
"Yeah, no one is more horrified I just said that than me."
Kyungsoo got paired up as his roommate last year when they were still bright-eyed and bushy-tailed freshman. That got beat down when they suffered through Calculus II together, but the camaraderie they built through shared trauma led them to be roommates again this year. Or really, he was the best out of three evils, as Kyungsoo sometimes reminded him. Which explains Jongdae's shock at hearing those words.
"You agree with Baekhyun and Chanyeol," Jongdae says very slowly, as if there's another smarter set of Baekhyun and Chanyeol around and Kyungsoo's mixing them up with the less smarter pair Jongdae knows.
"Could you lessen the blow and not say their names out loud?" Kyungsoo pushes his black-rimmed glasses up before they slip down to the end of his nose. "Anyway, he doesn't actually stalk you, right? He's just in the same place as you sometimes. We all go to this school, it's inevitable."
"'He's just in the same place as you sometimes' is the nicest way I've ever heard anyone describe a stalker." Jongdae swivels his chair around and shoots his carton into the trash.
"He seemed harmless the couple times I've seen him. Maybe he likes you and he's ballsy enough to show it."
Jongdae considers this somewhat seriously. Then he considers all the horror films he's ever watched. "Okay, what if he likes me but also wants to kill me?"
Kyungsoo picks his pink highlighter back up, ready to attack Conformations of Alkanes and Cycloalkanes. "I don't know," he says flatly. "Yolo?"
Scratch everything. This is already a horror movie.
+
Jongdae is a morning person, a fact which surprises no one around him. His routine is the same everyday: wake up with the sun and head straight for the showers.
It's not the greatest thing, sharing a communal bathroom with a floor of boys. Most days, Jongdae tries not to think about all the bacteria surrounding him in the tiny stall.
Usually there's no one else awake at this time, so Jongdae does not notice the other person in the bathroom with him until a shadow creeps up on him while he's brushing his teeth. He nearly drops his toothbrush and the towel around his waist.
"Sorry," someone says while Jongdae fumbles to saves his toothbrush and his dignity.
It's Stalker Guy. The security for their dorm is bullshit. He's wearing a ratty t-shirt and Iron Man boxers, rubbing at his eyes like he's a sleepy toddler two seconds away from asking for his blankie, but Jongdae raises his fists anyway, ready to fight.
"Are you okay?" Stalker Guy says, blinking at him slowly.
"Look, I don't know what you want, but I took a year of taekwondo in 4th grade."
Stalker Guy continues to stare. "I know," he says and shuffles closer.
Knows what? Jongdae should not have picked fight over flight. Fourth grade was eons ago and the only move he mastered was how to fall down without hurting himself. "Don't come any closer!"
Stalker guy tilts his head. The cowlick sticking straight up in the back sways slightly. "You really don't recognize me?" he says. "Thought maybe your vision had just gotten terrible."
Jongdae's vision is terrible. He peers at Stalker Guy's face, but can't keep eye contact for more than half a second at a time. Still, all he sees is the guy who's been staring him down since the start of semester a few weeks ago. But he lowers his hands hesitantly, one because this seems like a case of mistaken identity and two, his towel is two seconds from unraveling and even his sunshine personality isn't enough to handle dropping trou this early in the morning.
"I think you're mixing me up with someone else," Jongdae says, shuffling around to the door.
"I don't think I am?"
But Jongdae is already gone.
+
"I don't think we can categorize him as a stalker anymore if he saw you naked and didn't do anything."
Chanyeol nods in agreement to what Baekhyun's words, his cheeks stuffed too full of kimbap to attempt speech. Business majors were so useless.
"I wasn't naked," says Jongdae. "Also, what?"
Kyungsoo sits down next to him and says, "When were you naked?"
"Never."
Chanyeol swallows, but there's a piece of seaweed on his front tooth. "You're naked when you shower. Weren't you?" He leans over the table, eyes wide. "Oh my god, are you a never nude?"
"I don't have to take this," Jongdae says. He stands, but Kyungsoo tugs him back down.
"I found out who your secret admirer is."
"I'm not interested."
Baekhyun practically launches himself out of his seat and crowds in on Kyungsoo's other side. "No one asked you," he says to Jongdae, then props his chin on his hand and blinks prettily at Kyungsoo. "Tell us more."
First, Kyungsoo takes his time unpacking his lunchbox. Baekhyun's face tightens up like a wall put up to keep the whining at bay, his lips flattening when Kyungsoo makes sure his spoon and chopsticks are perfectly parallel to each other. Canines showing by the time Kyungsoo's taken the lids off everything and picks up the chopsticks again to eat.
"Dude, Kyungsoo," Chanyeol says, even though he's not even holding back on laughing at Baekhyun.
Kyungsoo feeds Baekhyun a piece of sausage like rewarding a patient puppy. "I saw Yixing talking to him before our class," he says. "They're in some student group together."
"That's it?" Chanyeol says, snorting. "That's all you got?"
Kyungsoo flicks a piece of kimchi right onto Chanyeol's forehead. "I wasn't done, you overgrown twig," he says as they all ignore Chanyeol's complaints of kimchi juice getting in his eye. "His name's Jongin and he's a freshman."
The name seems familiar to Jongdae, but then again, he's heard lots of names in his life. He thinks about how sure Stalker G - Jongin - had been that they knew each other, but still nothing is ringing a bell for him.
"If he's a freshman, why was he in our dorm?" Baekhyun says, stealing another sausage. Kyungsoo twists Baekhyun's wrist to make him drop it.
"He was in our dorm?" Kyungsoo says to Jongdae.
Chanyeol butts in, "He was in our bathroom, with Jongdae, who was not naked because he's a never nude."
"You've seen me naked!" Jongdae says, unsure why he's even defending himself on this. "We've been to the sauna like 100 times together."
Chanyeol shrugs, unconvinced.
"He thinks we know each other," Jongdae says. He goes for Kyungsoo's food and Baekhyun looks very affronted when Kyungsoo lets him. "But I have no idea who he is."
"Didn't you ask where he knows you from?" Kyungsoo says, giving in and sliding over a small stack of jeon to Baekhyun with a loud sigh when Baekhyun keeps pouting. "Are you broke? Why can't you buy yourself enough food?" Baekhyun stuffs his mouth instead of answering.
Jongdae takes a deep breath in. "No, I kind of … ran away?"
Kyungsoo outright laughs at him. "You ran away from some harmless kid?"
"You don't know that he's harmless," Jongdae insists.
"We don't actually live in a horror film," Kyungsoo says. "The worst he's done is stare at you too much."
"Seriously, next time talk to the guy like a normal person," Chanyeol says. He reaches across the table and yells when Kyungsoo hits his knuckles with the chopsticks.
"Can you jerks stop eating my lunch?" Kyungsoo says, then hits the back of Baekhyun's head. "Why are you still sitting here? There's no room."
The immediate whining from Baekhyun and Chanyeol becomes background noise. Jongdae tips forward and drops his head against the table with a dull thunk, wondering how someone who's he's said all of ten words to can cause him so much stress.
+
Midterms come and go. Jongdae only had to pull one all-nighter for his biochemistry class, but a week later he's still walking around with a 4-pack of energy drinks to whip his sleep schedule back into shape.
He hasn't seen Jongin again since that morning in the bathroom, but then wonders why he even cares. This peace is what he had wanted from the beginning anyway.
Done with his Friday classes, Jongdae ventures into the coffee shop down the street from the Chemistry building. He's feeling sluggish and the energy drinks are starting to lose their effect.
He parks himself at a table in the back corner where it's quieter, away from the grind of the espresso machines, and sips at his americano, waiting for the caffeine to kick in. He plays a game on his phone, happy to not think about glycoproteins or abzymes for a few minutes.
Baekhyun pings their group chat about, theoretically, how many grapes he could fit in his mouth at the same time. Jongdae actually thinks about it very seriously and is about to reply when the chair across from him gets pulled out and he looks up to see Jongin sit down.
"Oh boy," he mumbles, mostly to himself, and flushes a little when Jongin smiles in response. Maybe because he's still feeling sluggish or because his post-midterm casual attitude has made him more carefree, but he goes out on a limb and says, "How many grapes do you think my friend Baekhyun could fit in his mouth all at once?"
For whatever reason, Jongin takes this question in stride. He crosses his arms and presses his lips together pensively, then says after a few moments, "Well, when Sehun did it, he couldn't get more than 14."
Jongdae nods at this perfectly reasonable number and types it into the group chat. Baekhyun responds with 'challenge accepted!!!' which is as good a time as any for Jongdae to set his phone aside. Despite the easy exchange just seconds ago, he feels awkward now and sips at his drink, except it's running on low and he gets more air than coffee.
"Hyung," Jongin says and Jongdae chokes on his coffee flavored ice water.
"Isn't that a little too personal too fast?" Jongdae says, pushing his cup off to the side.
Jongin props his elbow on the table and rests his chin on his hand. "Because you think we're strangers?"
"We are strangers."
"You just don't remember."
"Fine," Jongdae says, sitting back and crossing his arms over his chest. "Tell me what I've forgotten."
Jongin smirks at him again and Jongdae experiences a rush of embarrassment, like it's his own fault for not being in the know. Before Jongdae can complain about it, Jongin says, "I won't tell you, but I'll give you a hint."
"This has got to be crossing some boundary," Jongdae says, eyeing Jongin with slight alarm when he comes over to sit next to Jongdae. "I'm not playing a guessing game with you."
"It's not a game," Jongin says, looking at him very seriously. "I have to go now though. Bye, hyung."
And then Jongin kisses Jongdae on the cheek. It is quick, a barely there brush of his lips against Jongdae's skin, but it is hands-down, one hundred percent, irrefutably a kiss.
Jongdae is silent afterwards. He's silent when Jongin stands up and waves goodbye. He is still frozen when Jongin is long gone, staring blankly at the coffee shop doors, as if waiting for Jongin to come back and explain himself.
That doesn't happen. When Jongdae finally comes back to his senses, he picks up his phone and messages the group: he kissed me.
The flurry of responses in the form of stickers and exclamation marks, plus Baekhyun's follow-up of '15 motherfuckers!!!' attached to a proof shot, only adds to the haze of what just happened.
+
"Was the kiss the hint?"
"How could a kiss be the hint?"
"Well, what else could it have been, genius?"
While the other three argue over Jongdae's predicament, Jongdae himself is under the covers and has his head buried under a pillow. He's wondering all the same things for the past two days and still doesn't have an answer.
"Hold on," Baekhyun says, right before he rips Jongdae's pillow away. "We've forgotten something very important."
"Such as?" Jongdae says, when Baekhyun doesn't continue immediately.
"You haven't said anything about how much you didn't like it."
"Didn't like what?"
Chanyeol comes up next to Baekhyun, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "The kiss."
"What?" Jongdae sits up. "That's what you're focusing on?"
Kyungsoo spins around in his chair. "I kind of agree," he says slowly, "with them."
"Kyungsoo!" Baekhyun says, whipping his head around to give Kyungsoo the most devoted look of glee.
"Don't," Kyungsoo says, without even looking at Baekhyun. "But they have a point. You haven't said anything about being kissed by a boy."
"Weren't you the one who called him a secret admirer first?" Jongdae says.
"Those seem like mutually exclusive things," says Kyungsoo. He bites his lip, careful. "I'm not trying to imply anything."
Jongdae rubs his face and sighs, looking at each of their faces. "I don't mind," he says eventually, picking at a stray thread on his jeans. "If a boy kisses me."
They are all quiet for a few minutes and Jongdae is afraid to raise his head, in case what he sees will leave his chest aching.
Baekhyun, unsurprisingly, is the one who can't keep quiet and asks, "Would you mind if a girl kissed you?"
Jongdae lets out a shaky laugh blanketed in relief. "No, I wouldn't mind that either."
Chanyeol nods. "Okay, I think we should vote on whether or not the kiss was the hint."
"How does that help anything?" Kyungsoo says, but when Baekhyun calls for a vote, he raises his hand for 'in favor' anyway.
It ends up being 2 to 2, further proving Kyungsoo's point, but Jongdae feels a bit lighter about everything all the same.
+
The following Monday, Jongdae leaves his calculus class to find Jongin waiting outside the building. The weather's unusually warm for late October and Jongin is without a jacket. His pink button down is messily tucked into his jeans and the sleeves are rolled up to his elbows. He's scrolling through something on his phone, one earbud in, the other looped behind his neck. Jongdae stops at the top of the steps and just, lets himself look for a bit before his presence is noticed. Now that he's taking the time, he admits that Jongin is pretty easy on the eyes. Which he already knew at the coffee shop, but something about today and the casually rumpled way Jongin's shirt hangs on him, has Jongdae acknowledging it.
"Are you my stalker?" Jongdae says when he comes up behind Jongin.
Jongin glances up and takes his earbuds out. "I don't know. Are you assuming I'm waiting here for you?"
"Well, I mean - I wasn't serious," Jongdae says, stilted.
The corner of Jongin's eyes crinkle when he smiles. "You seemed like you were," he says, and waves his phone in the air. "I asked Yixing for your friend's number - Kyungsoo? He told me where your class was."
"So you are one."
Jongin grabs Jongdae's wrist and starts walking towards the west edge of campus. He lets go when Jongdae starts following on his own. After, Jongdae rubs his skin absently.
"Kyungsoo asked me that too," Jongin says. When Jongdae doesn't get it, he clarifies, "If I was stalking you."
"I can't believe Kyungsoo gave up my info that easily."
"He seems like a cool guy."
Jongdae's eyes keep straying to Jongin's jawline when the other talks. He turns away and watches the students walking on the opposite side of the street. "Did you admit that you were?"
"I said I could see how my actions lately could be concerning."
"You followed me into the bathroom!" Jongdae says. Multiple people around them look their way and Jongdae shuffles so he's walking behind Jongin, who doesn't seem to be bothered by his loud accusation.
"I didn't follow you," Jongin laughs. "My neighbor's son is a sophomore and stays in your dorm too. He was helping me with my math course and I just crashed in his room instead of going back to my building. I was surprised to see you too."
Jongdae wonders where they're going. They left campus grounds a while back and are coming up on a residential area with towering apartment buildings up ahead. "Why won't you just tell me who you are?"
Jongin shoves his hands into his pockets and shrugs. "I guess I'm a little upset that you didn't recognize me immediately and that you still don't," he says, keeping his eyes forward. "Like, am I that forgettable?"
The tiniest bit of guilt settles in Jongdae's stomach. "I'm not doing it on purpose."
Jongin knocks their shoulders together. "I know," he says, grabbing Jongdae's wrist again. "Come on."
They veer toward a park. It's mid-afternoon and the crowd is mostly mothers and nannies catching up with each other while they push their strollers along the paved walkways. Jongdae doesn't understand why they're here and only grows more confused when Jongin brings them to the playground. There are a few toddlers running around and after Jongin deposits him on a swing, Jongdae sweats trying to figure out how to position himself to look as little like a child predator as possible.
"I feel very uncomfortable right now," Jongdae says as Jongin settles in the swing next to him. They barely fit and the metal rings connecting the seat to the chains dig into Jongdae's hips. A little girl runs up to them, stares, then runs away again. "We're going to get arrested."
"We are if you keep staring at the children instead of ignoring them." Jongin takes the end of Jongdae's swing in both hands and pulls, making them meet in the middle. It also shows off the muscles in Jongin's forearms quite nicely, not that Jongdae is paying attention. Instead, he is focusing on how close Jongin's face suddenly is when he says, "Look at me instead."
"I am," Jongdae says and if his voice is quiet and a little strained, he isn't going to acknowledge it.
"What do you see?"
This time, Jongdae really tries to remember. He takes in every feature of Jongin's face from his thick brows to his broad, slightly flat nose, to the jawline that Jongdae doesn't quite want to admit makes his stomach flip in a not entirely bad way.
Still, his brain doesn't cooperate. "Sorry," he says, shrugging apologetically. "I don't know what you want me to say."
"Hyung, you're only a year older than me," Jongin says, looking genuinely shocked. "Why is your memory this bad?"
"Excuse you," Jongdae says, shoving at Jongin's shoulder, but not hard enough to make Jongin lose his grip.
"All right, fine," Jongin says with a big sigh. "Think back to elementary school."
"Early or late?"
Jongin bites the inside of his lip as he thinks for a moment. "You were in fifth grade," he says and takes one hand away from Jongdae's swing to draw an invisible line in front of Jongdae's forehead. "You had a bowl cut and one of your teeth had just fallen out." He taps his own incisor. "This one, I think."
One of the family photos Jongdae's mom has hanging in their home was taken the summer after Jongdae finished fifth grade. Everything Jongin is saying matches the Jongdae captured in that moment, standing proudly in his best suit next to his father.
"You really do know me," Jongdae says, a little bit in awe.
Jongin laughs. "Yeah, but what I'm trying to say is you know me too."
"Give me some more hints."
Jongin tilts his head, humming like he's not sure if he should. "Okay," he says finally. "The school year had just ended. We were at a playground just like this one. I was crying and you were trying to cheer me up by doing imitations of the characters on Doraemon. My mom yelled that I had to go, but I started crying more because I didn't want to. You gave me a hug and told me to stop being sad, that I would make new friends and everything would be fine."
A memory sparks in Jongdae, but floats just out of his reach. He remembers the playground near his old apartment and how he used to run around with his friends whenever they had a spare moment.
"When I finally left I said, 'bye hyung, don't forget about me' and you said you wouldn't." Jongin leans in even closer and mumbles, "Then I," and pecks Jongdae on the cheek, so quick that Jongdae barely registers it happening.
In the next moment, Jongin releases Jongdae's swing and gets up, stretching his arms over his head. He stands between Jongdae and the sun, pushes his hand through his bangs and -
"Kim Jongin!" Jongdae blurts out, sudden enough that Jongin takes a tiny step back. He stands up and points at Jongin, excited and relieved that he's finally figured it out. "Little Kim Jongin who came over for dinner every Wednesday when both your parents worked late and we watched Transformers together and my mom always complained that you were too skinny even though you always ate all the meat she gave you."
Jongin stares wide-eyed for one, two beats, then laughs so hard that he has to lean against one of the swing set's poles. When he catches his breath, he says, "I'm still skinny, but I'm not little anymore."
That much was undeniable. The whole reason why Jongdae didn't have this epiphany sooner was because Jongin barely resembled the kid from nearly fifteen years ago. He's got three inches on Jongdae now and is annoyingly filled out in all the right places. Jongdae knows the Jongin whose hair was always in his eyes as they sat at Jongdae's dining table sometimes doing homework, but most times drawing ridiculous cartoons on each others' papers. The Jongin in front of him now is someone too good looking, someone who Jongdae might spot at the library or while grabbing lunch with Baekhyun and let himself admire for a fleeting moment, but not have the confidence to do anything about it.
Just then, Jongin turns his head slightly to the right and the sun practically makes his hair glow and Jongdae has to stop himself from rolling his eyes.
"No, you turned out … nice," Jongdae says, keeping his voice even. "Just, a lot different."
"Which parts of me?" Jongin says and Jongdae stares back.
"You're being serious?"
Jongin shrugs as if to say, of course.
"I'm not going to sit here and list everything!"
Jongin smiles. "So there's a list."
"Don't take me so literally." Jongdae picks up his bag. "Can we leave? The boy behind you has been giving us the stinkeye for hogging the swings for the past two minutes."
Jongin slings his arm over Jongdae's shoulders. "Sure, you should treat me to dinner like a nice hyung would," he says, pointing them back towards campus. "We have lots of catching up to do."
"I would like to go back to not knowing you," Jongdae deadpans, but he doesn't move Jongin's arm and checks that he has enough cash in his wallet to get barbecue, already thinking about all the things he wants to ask this boy who doesn't want to let go of him.
+
Over the next few weeks, they meet up a lot. He finds out that Jongin is majoring in library sciences ("You nerd") and also works at the library on campus ("You nerd"). Jongin argues that a biochemistry major has no room to talk, but Jongdae won't hear it.
Jongdae can't complain too much about it because Jongin scores him both dibs on the private study rooms and discount drinks from the cafe on the ground floor. He'll often show up in the middle of Jongin's shift and is pretty diligent about studying, at least until Jongin joins after he's clocked out. Their attempts to be serious about their academic careers usually devolve after fifteen minutes when Jongin starts nudging Jongdae's foot under the table and whines about what Jongdae should buy him for dinner.
Today, Jongin is craving dakgalbi, his upper body sprawled all over the table in front of Jongdae as if he's dying from starvation.
"Am I the only person you know on campus?" Jongdae says, swatting Jongin's hand away when Jongin keeps poking his arm. "Don't you have other people to pout at until they feed you?"
"Yeah, but they're not you."
The words come out of Jongin so easily, but they also sound genuine and that's what makes Jongdae pause.
"I still think the kissing was a bit weird," Kyungsoo had said a few days ago while Jongdae hopped around the room changing out of his jeans and into sweatpants. "I don't think a platonic dongsaeng would do that just to remind you who he was."
Jongdae hasn't brought it up with Jongin since then, not really having a reason to. Except for these moments when Jongin says things that make Jongdae wonder.
"Hyung, are we leaving or not?" Jongin says, blinking slowly like he'd rather take a nap than go out to eat.
The end of Jongdae's pen is a mangled mess already, but he keeps chewing on it, studying Jongin much harder than he did the pages about lipid biosynthesis open in front of him. He sucks in a breath and says, "Are you flirting with me sometimes?"
Jongin crosses his arms on the table and rests his chin on them. "Depends on what answer you want to hear."
That's basically a yes. Jongdae sits back, slouching a little bit in his seat. He takes the pen out of his mouth and worries his bottom lip between his teeth instead. "You didn't have to kiss me to try and make me remember," he says, thinking back to what Kyungsoo had said.
Jongin huffs. "Well I wouldn't have if I'd known you had forgotten all about it."
"Why are you pouting?"
Jongin sits up and says with an accusatory glare, "It was my first kiss!"
Jongdae scoffs. "Cheek kisses do not count."
"Yes they do, so what are you going to do to make it up to me?"
"I -" Jongdae starts, but Jongin's words register fully and he gets a little red in the face. "That's not what we're talking about right now!"
"You're the one who didn't answer my question," Jongin mumbles, his top lip curling up in a sneer. For a moment, Jongdae imagines himself reaching over and tracing his thumb over it, then immediately shuts that thought down. Jongin takes a piece of scrap paper and says, "If I was, you know, flirting, would that be okay?"
The paper gradually turns into a boat. Jongin pushes it toward Jongdae, then leaves his hand outstretched.
"You're unreal," Jongdae says, dragging both his hands down his face. "I can't believe I'm having this conversation with the kid I used to watch Transformers with."
"I think it's a great backstory to our relationship."
"Relationship."
"Future relationship?" Jongin amends. He's trying to play it casual, but Jongdae can hear the nervousness underneath.
Jongdae glances again at Jongin's open palm and thinks, yeah, maybe it'd be nice to hold it against his own. He sighs loudly and starts packing up his things, ignoring Jongin's questioning noise.
"Come on," he says after he zips up his backpack, standing up and looking everywhere except at Jongin's face. "Dakgalbi is terrible for a first date. I'll take you to the new Italian place down the street."
Even without looking, the beaming smile that stretches across Jongin's face is impossible to miss. If it makes Jongdae's insides melt, he makes sure to keep that completely to himself.
+
"Who knew you'd end up dating your stalker."
Jongdae drops his burger and gestures sharply to his left. "Baekhyun. He's right here."
Jongin looks up from his half-eaten fried chicken wing and shrugs. "I don't mind," he says, stealing a fry from Jongdae's tray. "So we're dating then?"
For once, Baekhyun and Chanyeol go stock still, food frozen halfway to their mouths, waiting for Jongdae to answer. On Jongdae's other side, Kyungsoo does a poor job of hiding his laugh as he wipes his mouth with a napkin.
"Well, I mean," Jongdae stutters, the tips of his ears growing warm, "we've been on like, four dates."
"Yeah, but there's a difference between going on dates and dating."
"Yeah, Jongdae," Baekhyun and Chanyeol chorus. Jongdae considers pieing them in the face with their slices of pizza.
"What's the difference?" Jongdae says.
"I think," Kyungsoo butts in, crumpling up his burger wrapper, "Jongin is asking if you want to be boyfriends."
Jongin leans forward so he can see Kyungsoo. "Hyung! You understand me." Kyungsoo shoots back a thumbs up. Jongdae experiences an unexpected split second of … jealousy?
"Of course we're boyfriends," Jongdae says too loudly, but it accomplishes what he wanted and directs Jongin's attention back to him. "If you wanted to know. Officially."
"This is so romantic," Chanyeol says and shoves a chicken tender in his mouth.
The cafeteria is suddenly too warm and the skin at the back of Jongdae's neck prickles. But Jongin is looking at him with such a warm, genuine smile that it's not the worst thing, suffering through this conversation in front of his friends.
Jongin grabs Jongdae's hand under the table and tips his head onto Jongdae's shoulder. "Boyfriends," he says, quiet enough for only the two of them to hear.
The sound of a camera shutter goes off and Jongdae glances up in time to see Baekhyun put his phone down. "You guys are cute," he says, sighing wistfully. "I need someone to be this cute with."
Jongin perks up a little and says, "Aren't you dating Chanyeol-hyung though?"
"What?" Baekhyun says, his features scrunching up in disgust. Meanwhile, Chanyeol chokes on his soda mid-sip. "You think this jerk is my style?"
"Pot meet kettle," Chanyeol croaks.
"How are we supposed to know when you keep napping on his thigh?" Jongdae points out.
"Yeah, 'cause his leg is there and I need proper neck support," Baekhyun says like it's obvious. Jongdae rolls his eyes.
"Who's your style then?" Jongin says.
Baekhyun reddens. "No one you know," he mumbles, but his eyes slip up and Jongdae is way too happy to catch it.
"Oh my god."
"Kim Jongdae," Baekhyun warns, but it's too late.
It is basically Christmas morning. Jongdae turns to his right and faces Kyungsoo and doesn't say a word. Watching realization dawn on Kyungsoo's face is the best thing since sliced bread.
"Oh my god," echoes Kyungsoo, except he sounds like his soul just left his body.
"No," Baekhyun insists, but he's a terrible liar. "Jongdae is wrong."
"No, I'm not," Jongdae says, practically cackling as he watches the color drain from Baekhyun and Kyungsoo's faces, each for a different reason.
Getting an official boyfriend and discovering Baekhyun's crush makes for a pretty productive lunch. Jongdae slips his arm around Jongin's waist and pulls him closer, his good mood growing when Jongin naturally leans into him.
"Eat your chicken, you stick," Jongdae says to Jongin under the ruckus of Chanyeol of slapping the table and laughing at Kyungsoo's sudden predicament. "You've got class in half an hour."
Jongin smiles and brushes his lips over Jongdae's cheek. "Thanks for remembering, hyung."