My mind keeps going back to him...

[fadetoblack17]

Ok some cosmic higher power is giving me these huge signs. Now I knew John didn't like me as much anymore because of the choices I have made in my life, and I am a "sell out", but on the 4th of July Caitlin told me that he "Hated me" which was strong words, it didn't hurt me because I figured I already lost him long ago, and though I would have cared to see him and speak with him again, that just wouldn't be in the cards. Especailly since I never see him anymore. Anyway a few weeks go by (and within this time Brandon Shutz tries to befriend me again). He signs online and starts talking shit on John for no good reason and then bashing like Kathleen and everyone, so as it should be, I stood up and defended them. Then he started talking about fucking my sister.....and being that he is a dumb ass meat head who would even for a second think about having sex with my sister (for those of you who don't know she is 21 but mentally retarted), so I block him. So thats number 2 time John came to my mind. Then when I was comng back fomr Josh's...the day I got lost and shit and was all pissed off and tired, I realized that I had seen John, but by the time I had noticed he was gone in the back of the T and he didn't look like he wanted me to talk to him. So I am thinking "these signs are pling up". So then I talk to Bridgett and discover that she took out of context something I was ASKING about and thought that I was stating it as a fact, which ended up turnign into a bunch of immature "he said she said" bullshit. Which that kinda angers me that people get mad at me because of things other people tell them, instead of just confronting me and talking to ME about it. Then last night I get home from chilling with Joshua Ewing (no my bf, but one of my friends) and Rea Lynn calls me because I accidentally hit speed dial, rea makes me think to tlak to Chris since I see him online and I catch up with him and such. The last night I had a dream about John...relating to what Brandon had told me about him, and it was some what disturbing and confusing.....I will nto say what it is, because it is messed up hahaha. Any who, so these are all making me want to talk to him. But I dunno how, I had sent him a mysapce message in the past but he never responded, I never see him online, and I am not sure he has the same phone number anymore. So I guess it's out of my hands and I will let the fates handle that. People change, people come and go in your lives....sometimes for stupid reasons, sometimes petty, and sometimes for practical reasons. The important thing is to cherish the time you had with that person, and though you may loose them, you never know what is in store for you in the future. And when you move on to new friends you can carry on the knowledge you have gained from past ones.

P.s.

At goodwill today I was sorting through a Butler Goodwill bin and found a Panera hat and shirt, and being that Josh is from butler and works at Panera I called him because I took it as a sign. And though I left a voicemail, while I was leaving it I found a "Free Winonah" T-shirt, so I am like...uber happy about that.