with or without you

[fademehardbabay]

I've always been more of a glass half full, optimistic sort of person. In a world where you have to fear Sarah Palin and swine flu among other catastrophes, it helps to look on the bright side of things. Recently I think my glass has been looking a little empty and my grass a duller shade of green. I do not want to be one of those people who needs someone in their life to make them complete and happy, but right now I feel that a big chunk of who I am was taken hostage. I am not really sure if I can recover the missing part of me or if I will be forced to rebuild from scratch. I've been left with his negative outlook on life while he ran off with my self esteem and confidence. I know that I am going to be alright but I really wish my self esteem wasn't so low. I wish I had never had to meet the woman who is more "intriguing" or whateverthefuck she is than me. Comparing yourself to your ex's new girlfriend who happens to be ten years old than you, beautiful, big fake boobs, a really nice body which you were forced into seeing naked when you awkwardly met her when she was drunk, and happens to be very nice, is probably the worst thing you can do. I try not to think about her at all or to think negative things, like how she is a mother of an 8 year old but...that impresses me or that she's 29 at junior college...but she's trying, she is already divorced..but I feel sorry for that. I just need to stop feeling sorry for myself.
I want to learn how to accept the things that I can not control. I can not make someone love me if they don't want to. I have been feeling so pathetic for becoming this sad girl who let's herself be used because she's delusional.

I know that it just takes time for all wounds to heal but all I want back is my optimism and self confidence, please.