(no subject)
I feel very very very alone right now, very stressed, very ready to just give up, very ready to go away forever, because once I'm gone, you all know damn well I'm not going to come back. I'm sick of ruining everything, I'm sick of being a failure, I'm sick of being told I'm not good enough, I'm sick of doing things that seem stupid and immature and annoying, I'm sick of being who I am, I'm sick of living. You guys think you understand but you JUST DON'T. If I could tell you everything...oh God if I could say even half of what I want to say...but I can't, because then I would be saying things, opening boxes that shouldn't be opened. You all think you have me figured out but you don't. Everything is a mask, I'm trying to hide all the pain inside for your god damn sake, I'm being strong for you, and what the fuck do I get in return. What? A nice little sketch in the yearbook saying "Have a good summer?" A pat on the shoulder saying "It will be OK you'll be fine" stop delivering that bullshit, stop telling me it's going to be OK BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT WON'T. All I need right now is just to die I hate this life and all of its bullshit. You couldn't possibly know what it's like to wake up regretting every day of your life, what it's like to be told every day how much of a failure you are, what it's like to be threatened every day by your own god damn mother to be beaten to a pulp. I'm just really scared and I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to get away from it all someone save me I'm drowning and I'm doomed forever.