(in the end) you're all i need - nathan/izzie - heroes/grey's anatomy - fanfiction

[fading_spark]

Title: (in the end) you're all i need
Rating: PG
Fandom: Grey's Anatomy, Heroes
Pairing: Izzie Stevens/Nathan Petrelli, also Nathan/Heidi, Nathan/Meredith, Izzie/Denny and Izzie/Alex
Word Count: 2436
Warning: AU, crack, second person POV, angst, character death 
Note: This is completely and utterly dedicated to
bluesunsets - with whom I share this ship with and has done nothing but encourage and support me with it. I love you so much hon, thank you.
Note2: Based off the Epsilon table at
1sentence.
Originally Posted: 11th April, 2007

1. Motion

It only takes a fraction of a second for fear to kick in, and then you’re shooting up, up, up into the air - watching helplessly as your car crashes with your wife still inside.
 

1. Cool

You hold her hand as the paramedic’s wheel her into the hospital and you don’t realize it, but she’s already cool to touch.
 

1. Young

When the pretty young blonde doctor tells you, all you can think as you slide down the pale blue hospital walls is how young she was - she didn’t deserve this, and all because you couldn’t keep your nose out of your father’s business.
 

1. Last

The last thing you should be doing is going across the street to a bar - your two sons are at home with your mother, you should be there with them - but you do it anyway because you don’t know how to face them just yet.
 

1. Wrong

It takes several shots of vodka to realize you actually flew out of that car, and the wrongness of that settles like a heavy feeling of guilt in your stomach, making you want to vomit yourself empty again (although that could also be the vodka).
 

1. Gentle

The pretty young blonde doctor settles into the stool beside you, ordering some sort of frothy drink that your sure Heidi would’ve liked, before turning to you with gentle eyes and sharing her condolences once more.
 

1. One

Heidi was supposed to be the one, the only one for you; but honestly, you gave up on the fairytale routine when your baby girl burnt up in a fire.
 

1. Thousand

You can think of a thousand things you should be doing right at this moment, and kissing the pretty young blonde doctor who told you mere hours before that your wife died is definitely not one of them - but you do it anyway.
 

1. King

In your family, you’ve always been expected to lead; Heidi, your sons, Peter, even your mother - they all expect you to look after them, be their fucking king - and you can’t help but be relieved when this girl, this pretty little thing lets you fall.
 

1. Learn

There’s something about the girl that draws you in, makes you want to spend days learning every inch of her - but your wife is lying cold in a morgue so you really don’t have that sort of time, do you?
 

1. Blur

The night is a blur of sloppy kisses and rushed touches but she helps you forget the icy numbness for a few hours and you can’t help but love her a little - even if you don’t know her damn name.
 

1. Wait

You could leave when you wake up just a little before dawn; slip out of the room and forget this, just go back to your family and grieve properly, normally - but you get distracted by the slither of sunshine lighting up her pretty face and end up waiting for her to rouse from slumber.
 

1. Change

You notice the subtle changes in her face as she awakens - her soft smile shifting into a look of absolute horror at what she’s done with you; and while you should feel terrible guilt, you mostly just feel utterly wasted and empty.
 

1. Command

She’s right there in front of you, touchable and real and tangible and clearly freaking out, ranting about how she’s a horrible human being as you struggle to think of a way to take control of the situation, to take command - like you always do.
 

1. Hold

You do the only thing you can - reach your calloused hands out and pull her close against you, holding her tight and whispering reassuring words of comfort; she grasps onto your bare shoulders and weeps apologies for the wife that is already fading from your memory.
 

1. Need

You shouldn’t be doing this, it’s wrong and once was bad enough - but it’s what you need, and when you tell her this, she finally acquiesces and places a chaste kiss on your lips, helping you forget one more time.
 

1. Vision

You’ve never believed in psychic’s, never believed that people can see the future, but when you wake one night weeks after Heidi’s death with the vision of the pretty blonde girl, smiling and happily playing with your boys burned into your skull, you can’t help but secretly hope it’s true.
 

1. Attention

Your sons crave attention even more now then ever before, more then you can give them, and it breaks your heart every time you have to walk out the door - but the fact that your haunted of thoughts of a one-night stand you had the night their mother died playing with them, it’s sort of hard to look them in the eye.
 

1. Soul

You wake up one hundred and seventeen days after Heidi’s death and suddenly can’t bear this burden on your soul anymore - you call Peter and ask him to mind the boys and then you do something you haven’t done in too long - you go to confession.
 

1. Picture

It was an accident really - you’re helping Peter pack up his belongings so he can move back into the house with you to look after the boys when the folded up paper slips out of a box in the back of his closet, and of course you had to unfold it - although if you’d known you’d see a glossy photograph of her in sexy lingerie you never would’ve peeked a glance; the temptation is too much and when you get home you lock yourself in your bedroom for hours.
 

1. Fool

You know you’re a fool for even contemplating going back to that damn bar, but you do anyway - and when she glances up at you and nervously smiles, you feel the ice inside you thaw for the first time in too long.
 

1. Mad

You wonder if Heidi would be mad at you for doing this - moving on from her so soon; but honestly, you’re mad enough at yourself in a way, so maybe that’d be enough for her anyway (at least you hope so).
 

1. Child

You don’t actually do anything this time; she takes you back home again but she bakes you muffins and cookies and warm milk - and for the first time in so damn long, you get to stop being the adult and let someone mother over you for a change, and it feels nice.
 

1. Now

You decide not to dwell on what this is, what this could be, what you’ve done - she holds you close again and you decide to just let this be what it is and let it just be now, not after or before.
 

1. Shadow

There’s still a shadow surrounding you, and you know she can tell when she finally kisses you back after several tedious moments of nothingness - you’re still haunted but she helps try to wash it away again as the night wears on.
 

1. Goodbye

You visit the gravesite for the first time alone the next day and kneel by your wife’s headstone, tracing her name with your free hand (the other clutches a pale lily flower, her favourite) - and you finally say goodbye and let her go.
 

1. Hide

She’s clearly trying to avoid you when you visit her at the hospital a week later, and it isn’t until you corner her bumbling friend with the curly mop of hair and glare where she is hiding out of him that you’re able to find her and tell her everything you want to say.
 

1. Fortune

When she tells you she had eight million dollars, you feel like laughing - when she tells you she spent it to build a free clinic for the hospital, you fall in love.
 

1. Safe

It’s odd, but you feel safe when she’s wrapped up in your arms; you can’t really explain it and just thinking about it makes you feel like your turning into Peter, but it’s a fact you can’t deny and when you whisper it in her ear one night you know she’s smiling in her sleep.
 

1. Ghost

Sometimes you still see the ghost, lingering on the edge of your sight - when you come home from the office one night to see Izzie playing with the boys (just like how you dreamt it), you turn your head slightly and see it smiling and you know you’re doing the right thing.
 

1. Book

You could write a book on everything you know about Izzie - like how she loves to bake but hates to cook, how she became a doctor to help people, how she’s still on shaky ground with her mother, how she loves to laugh and hates to cry - but none of that matters as much as finding out that she loves you too.
 

1. Eye

There’s a look of fire in her eyes that you’ve only ever seen once before - in the eye of your first love, in Meredith - and when the plate she throws at you clangs to the ground, covered in a cool sheen of ice, you get the feeling that they have something oddly in common.
 

1. Never

When your daughter died, you never imagined you’d experience love again, but then you met Heidi - when Heidi died, you felt the same way, but all you have to do is glimpse at Izzie and you know you’ve been proved wrong again.
 

1. Sing

You like to listen outside the door of the boy’s bedroom as she sings them to sleep at night, just like a real mother would - it makes you feel that despite the fact your brother seems to be going insane, your father and wife and daughter are dead and your mother has become a kleptomaniac, there’s still some part of your life that’s normal (or as normal as a man who can fly and a woman who can spout ice from her fingertips can possibly have).
 

1. Sudden

It all happened rather suddenly - Peter’s already taken off with the boys to the zoo for the day, you’re sipping your coffee and she’s making you waffles for breakfast - you glance up from the business section of the paper and the words just slip out, “hey Iz, wanna get married?”
 

1. Stop

She stops what she’s doing and you stop breathing and you really, really wish you could’ve stopped yourself from opening your mouth.
 

1. Time

Time seems to slow as you wait for her answer, your lungs burning and your fingers aching - and then she simply looks up and says “I’m not pulling a George and Callie with you Petrelli, just drink your coffee”, and time returns to normal with a whoosh of fresh air.
 

1. Wash

The call comes in about Peter’s arrest in Texas after midnight and your stomach ties up in knots, wondering how you’re going to get your baby brother out of this one - but when she places her hand on your shoulder and asks what’s wrong, that washes away for just a few moments.
 

1. Torn

You can tell she’s torn about whether she should comforting you or checking Peter’s vitals but you make that choice for her when you pick up his chart yourself and ask her how he seems to be doing today.
 

1. History

You know all about her history with Karev, and you can’t blame him for the glare of jealousy when she leans down to place a kiss on your cheek at her friend’s wedding party, but that doesn’t stop you from smirking at him when she goes over to chat with George.
 

1. Power

You love the rush of power you get when you’re flying above the clouds, utterly free of the restraints of life - it’s something that’s just yours, and you’re sure Izzie feels the same way about making ice (no matter how lame her power is compared to yours, as you always tell her with a joking grin).
 

1. Bother

You can’t help but love the way she never bothers to hide herself from you - Heidi was always a little self-conscious (and you feel terrible for comparing them, but that’s never stopped you), especially after having the boys - but Izzie’s always so full of sparkling confidence, never afraid to show her not-entirely-flat stomach, stretch marks and all; and you’re not afraid to admit it feels good for her to be so open with you.
 

1. God

You’ve never believed in God, and you know she doesn’t either, but the day the world almost ends, you hold her close and share a whispered prayer.
 

1. Wall

If there is one part of her life that you seem to always hit a brick wall whenever you bring it up, it’s Denny - but then, you don’t really like talking about Meredith and Claire, so you decide to just let it slide.
 

1. Naked

There is one thing that irritates you, and that’s the fact that Peter’s practically seen her naked - hell, he had a glossy magazine picture of her in underwear - and you really hate it; but whenever you bring it up, she always rolls her eyes and reminds you that it was so airbrushed, it was hardly her anyway - although that never seems to completely feed the nasty little green-eyed monster.
 

1. Drive

After the world almost ends and you’ve found out that your daughter wasn’t actually dead, you just drive for hours, going in crooked circles until you find your way back home again and into her arms.
 

1. Harm

You know you could never bring her intentional harm, you love her too much to hurt her, but then you remember what happened to Heidi - and while everyone tells you it wasn’t your fault, you know it was in a way; in the end you resolve to simply hold her close and never let her go.
 

1. Precious

She’s utterly precious to you in a way you’ve never really felt before - and one day as you’re coming home from work, you stop to buy something that you’re sure will be precious to her in it’s own way.
 

1. Hunger

She fills a hunger that you thought you’d spend the rest of your life craving and you don’t think you’ll ever love another human being as much as you love her (and you hope you never have to).
 

1. Believe

And in the end, she makes you believe in a better future - no matter how much you’ve lost, no matter how fucked up things get, she loves you and you love her and it’s all you really need.