(no subject)
I can't stop thinking about it and it makes me want to cry each day. It hurts me so bad to think I might be hurting him. I don't want to hurt him, that was not my intentions at all. I just need to get my head straight and figure out what the hell I want with all this. See if I'm ready to do the impossible. I just need to stop being scared and stand up to it. It is really hard though. I really do care about him and I like him a lot. He just doesn't understand what I'm going through. And I'm hoping he is reading this and how much it hurts me right now that I can't be with him the way I really want to, but will not let myself. I need to get over this fear. Face the fact I need to get over this and realize not all guys are the same and are not going to treat me like that. After I talked to him last night and pretty much gave him the cold shoulder. It hurt. I got depressed. And maybe I shouldn't have ignored my dreams. They have come true. I'm getting hurt all over again in a totally different way. I'm going to wait till the last minute to when I know I'm for sure ready and I'm going to be too late. It always happens. I manage to screw something up. I'm so confused on what I want right now. I just need one day to myself to figure everything out. Tonight I'm going to go hang out with my mom... so hopefully by doing so, I'll talk to her and she'll help me get things straight.
Last night was fun. I got off work, picked up Casie, Courtney came over. We went to Gambles and hung out for a minute. Went to Meijers bought some stuff. Left there, picked up Jessica, went to hang out at one of Casie's friends house in Grove City. Left there to go back to my apartment to get a bathing suit on to go swimming. Got to the pool to find out that it was closed. Bastards. So, we left went back to the apartment, Courtney went home. Hung out there for a little bit. Left, went to go get Taco Bell. Dropped off Jessica and Casie. Came home and then got in the shower and went to bed. Tried to call him one more time. Got no answer. I give up.
That is all for now.
p.s. I will have cable and internet back Friday. So, whoever wants to come over and watch movies n chit Friday. Whoever can call me and let me know.
LATER KIDS~!
<3
Last night was fun. I got off work, picked up Casie, Courtney came over. We went to Gambles and hung out for a minute. Went to Meijers bought some stuff. Left there, picked up Jessica, went to hang out at one of Casie's friends house in Grove City. Left there to go back to my apartment to get a bathing suit on to go swimming. Got to the pool to find out that it was closed. Bastards. So, we left went back to the apartment, Courtney went home. Hung out there for a little bit. Left, went to go get Taco Bell. Dropped off Jessica and Casie. Came home and then got in the shower and went to bed. Tried to call him one more time. Got no answer. I give up.
That is all for now.
p.s. I will have cable and internet back Friday. So, whoever wants to come over and watch movies n chit Friday. Whoever can call me and let me know.
LATER KIDS~!
<3