Not sure....
Wow these last 2 1//2 months have been amazing. From meeting Katy and growing close to her to everything within the fratnerity and another strong semester for grades. But today I keep pondering to myself, is this what I really want? Is this who I am? The memories have been great as well as the friends. I just wonder am I limiting myself by constraining myself to certain things and being so busy that I don't have time for myself... ever. I just wish that I could truely be the best brother and best boyfriend that I know that I should be. I do the little things, the things your suppose to do and it gets me nothing. People that do the wrong thing keep getting chance after chance. So am I actually doing the wrong thing by doing the right thing? Since doing the right thing doesn't get me noticed? But if you do things wrong people notice, and when you do them right people notice them more. It just seems like things I do go unnoticed. Sacrifices I make don't matter and time spent is only a gain for the other people. I sometimes don't know who I am or who I'm suppose to be and right now I have no idea what it is. Fuck I just wish I knew what to do. I think tonight I'm just going to get absolutly hammered and let someone take care of me for once... but I know its not going to happen. I just wish I could take a knife and cut away everything. At least I'd feel something anything other than what I seem to always come back to, confusion and depression.