{buffyverse} keep on pretending, it's all right
Title: Keep in pretending, it's all right
Author: Aaronlisa
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Characters: Willow Rosenberg, Angel, Xander Harris, Buffy Summers, Jesse McNally with mentions of Cordelia Chase, Rupert Giles and Darla
Pairings: Willow/Angel, Buffy/Angel, unrequited Willow/Xander and mentions of Angel/Darla
Rating: FR13
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss Whedon and company. The title comes from the song "Pretending" by HIM.
Notes: Part of this is set pre-Season One, whilst the rest is set during Season One.
Summary: What if Angel had saved Willow from vampires prior to Buffy's arrival in Sunnydale.
Word Count: 3692
The streetlight flickers once and Willow suddenly realizes just how creepy Sunnydale is, especially at night. It's the last week of summer vacation and the boys are hadn't even noticed when she had left since they were both too wrapped up in their stupid video game. Willow had been tired and hadn't really felt like dealing with Xander's family in the morning if she fell asleep on his bed. Even though Xander doesn't like her in that way (and that was clear to everyone except her hopeful heart), his father would always make some snide remark or two about her and Xander that was usually more dirty than it was snide. It just wasn't the worth the few precious moments of joy that she'd get when Xander woke her up in the morning (moments when she could pretend that he liked her back just like how she liked him.) All of this was why she was on her own on a quiet sidewalk with the realization that her little sleepy town was quite creepy at night.
She takes a deep breath as she tries to reassure herself that what she's feeling is just some residual fear from having watched some cheesy horror movie with Jesse and Xander earlier that night. She tries telling herself that the fear that's threatening to overwhelm her has nothing to do with the fact that she's standing right beside the oldest graveyard that Sunnydale has or that the streetlights keep flickering as she walks underneath them. There's no such things as monsters outside of movies.
Just as she's finished reassuring herself, something jumps out at her and Willow screams. She falls down as the thing (it can't be a person) lunges at her hissing and snarling. Just before it can bite her or touch her, it explodes into a cloud of ash. Willow shuts her eyes as her heart pounds in her chest. She tries to tell herself that she's going to wake up in Xander's bed, which smells strongly of boy, and the boys are going to laugh at her for being so silly. Jesse will tease her about not being able to handle some stupid horror movie and Xander will give her a hug before the boys return back to their video game.
"Are you alright miss?"
The voice is both male and gentle. Willow opens her eyes and looks into the face of a handsome man with brown eyes that seem warm and kind. She's pretty certain that she's not dreaming.
"Wh-what happened?" Willow asks, stumbling over the words.
The man sighs as he helps her to stand. For a moment, Willow wishes that she could pretend but she knows that her attacker was person-shaped even if it did explode into ash. And she can't recall anything that actually just explodes into dust. If she's not going to wake up from some nightmare then this must be real and she needs to know what's going on.
"Any chance that you'd want to forget about this?"
There's a pleading look on the man's face and she wants to say yes that she'd be happy to forget whatever it is that just happened. If only to make him happy but she can't. She's too curious for her own good. Her mother always tells Willow that she never knows when to let things go but it's that tenacity that has ensured Willow can go to any prestigious school that she wants by the end of tenth grade. Actually to be honest, Willow can go to any university or college that she wants to with a full scholarship. She doesn't even need to finish high school. She brushes some hair off of her face and gives this stranger her best resolve face.
"Please tell me," Willow quietly asks.
"It was a vampire."
She remains surprisingly calm and she even believes him. There's a part of her that knows that she shouldn't but it all makes too much sense to ignore. Far too much sense, if you were to ask her.
"And what did you do to it?" Willow asks.
"I staked it in the heart."
"Is it dead?" Willow asks.
Somehow she remembers some vampire movie where the monster kept coming back even after it was supposedly dead. She wants to make sure that this vampire won't be coming back.
"Yes, the sure ways to kill a vampire are staking one through the heart, exposing one to sunlight or fire until it burns to ash and, of course, there's beheading."
Willow shudders at how casual his voice sounds.
"Oh, okay. You know a lot about vampires, I guess."
"You could say that."
They stand there awkwardly and in silence. Until Willow realizes that it's still late and night and she really should be getting home.
"I should go home," Willow finally says.
"I'll walk you there."
Willow hesitates. She doesn't know who her saviour is and she doesn't know if it's a good idea to lead him to her home. Who's to say that he's not a monster in disguise? She's pretty sure that vampires aren't the only monsters that lurk in the dark and doesn't her mother always warn her about those human monsters that hurt people just because they can? He gently touches her wrist and Willow looks into his eyes.
"I'm not here to hurt you."
His voice is laced with pain and somehow Willow knows that she can trust him. There's too much sincerity in his eyes.
"You're one of them aren't you?" Willow asks.
He flinches at her words and she feels a moment of guilt even as she realizes that he doesn't deny it. Willow feels safe in his presence after he finally acknowledges what he is with a slight nod of his head. A vampire he might be but clearly he's not in the same category as the one that had attacked her earlier. She's grateful that he doesn't feel the need to fill the silence as they start to walk in the direction of her house.
They're about a block away and Willow suddenly feels nervous. She's walking with a stranger who just happens to be a vampire. Her breath catches in her throat. How did this happen? Sunnydale is supposed to be a safe, sleepy community. Quiet and safe and not like LA. The calmness that she had been experiencing earlier burns away and is quickly replaced with panic and anxiety. Are there other vampires? (Clearly there are since he had killed one that was about to hurt her.) And if there are vampires, what other monsters are there? Are there murderous leprechauns? Murderous psychos that used to be human but have somehow become super-human that hunt people through their dreams? She shudders at the endless possibilities.
His touch is gentle as he grasps her arm at the elbow. She looks into his warm brown eyes and she feels like she can breathe again. Sure there are monsters out there but she doesn't need to know everything tonight.
"Is Sunnydale safe?" Willow asks. "Who are you? Are there others like you?"
He sighs as he stands there and Willow has to bite her lower lip to keep even more questions from spilling out.
"It's as safe as it can be, just try to stay with others at night. And no, there's not others that are like me."
They don't address the fact that the omits his name from his answers. Willow doesn't protest as he starts guiding her in the direction of her house. Nor does she say anything when he walks her up the correct walkway to her front door. Some things are better left unspoken, even she knows that.
* * *
It's a few months later when Willow meets Buffy's mysterious Angel. She's rather pleased when she acts like she's never laid eyes on him before. She even keeps his secrets since she's certain that Angel wouldn't appreciate a stake in the chest if Buffy knew what he really was.
Still it hurts that he's able to trust Buffy with his name and that he's creating some sort of relationship with the Slayer. There's a part of Willow that feels that he's just another boy who's oblivious to the fact that she's a girl with the same feelings and wants as most other girls. Just once she'd like for a boy to look at her with the same blatant interest that is in Angel's eyes when he gazes at Buffy when he thinks no one else is watching.
She refuses to even admit to herself that she wishes that Angel would look at her like he does Buffy. They don't talk about the fact that there was an intense moment when they had stood in front of her house, lingering when his eyes had focused on her lips before flashing yellow. In fact, the reality is that Angel is never alone with Willow and they never talk to one another. Then again, he doesn't really have any reason to either be alone with her or talk to her.
Things seem to be in a holding pattern of some sort. She and Xander don't talk about Jesse or what happened to them. They throw themselves into their roles as Buffy's friends and helpers even though they could wind up just like Jesse. Willow learns far too many answers to unspoken questions from that lost night in the summer and sometimes she just feels overwhelmed. Sometimes she just wishes that she could feign ignorance like almost everyone else in Sunnydale does.
When Buffy finally finds out Angel's terrible secret, Willow acts surprised, horrified and sympathetic. She can't help the elation that she feels when she now has a reason to seek him out. Willow tries to tell herself that she's just concerned about him, that it has nothing to do with the fact that she feels that there's unfinished business between the two of them. She might want to know why he acted like she was a stranger, why he treats her with more indifference than he does Xander but she's really concerned as to what he's going to do now that the girl he was leading on knows what he is.
* * *
Angel's apartment is close to the Bronze and even in the stark sunshine, the area looks seedy and bad. For a moment, Willow considers just turning away and letting things be. But she didn't skip class just to chicken out. So she enters Angel's building and does her best to ignore the strange smells (which only make her wonder if vampires exist and live in apartment buildings, then what other monsters also exist and live like humans in seedy apartment buildings on the wrong side of town?)
She hesitates in front of his door again. Maybe letting sleeping vampires lay is a good idea (do vampires sleep?) Willow's about to turn away when the door opens and Angel grips her by the wrist, hauling her into his apartment. He quickly closes the door before her turns to face her.
"Your heartbeat was rather loud," Angel tells her.
Willow blushes in shame. Buffy would never be this afraid or this nervous so that her heartbeat acted like a signal for creatures that could easily harm her. She looks away from him and stares at the floor, almost wishing that it'd open up and swallow her whole.
"Why are you here, Willow?" Angel asks.
She feels tongue-tied. This was a horrible idea. Clearly if Angel had a reason for pretending that they were strangers, Willow should have just respected that reason. She doesn't need to know everything and she's better off wanting someone like Xander to finally notice her. These feelings for Angel are nothing more than a stupid, pathetic crush. It's just like how Cordelia had gone on and on about how a hot cop that had dealt with a stalker the cheerleader had last year. What she feels, no what she felt, for Angel is nothing more than a momentary attraction for a hot man who rescued her. It's not real.
Willow's not even aware of the fact that Angel's moved closer to her. She closes her eyes and tries to think of some valid reason for her to be there and when she opens her eyes again, Angel has her pressed up against the door. Her heart is in her mouth when his eyes flash yellow. This isn't supposed to happen. Not to her and definitely not with Angel. Not when she's just convinced herself that her feelings for him are one-sided and misplaced.
Angel leans down and Willow shuts her eyes in response. He emits a soft growl before pulling back from her.
"Why are you here?" Angel asks again, his voice emotionless.
This is not the time to ask why he pretended they were strangers. It might never be a good time to ask that question. Instead Willow falls back on the one thing that connects them.
"Bu-buffy," Willow haltingly says. "She needs you even though she'll never admit and I don't know how to convince her of that."
Angel sighs as he runs a hand through his hair. Willow looks at the floor again because she's so embarrassed. What if he can tell that she's lying because of the way her heart sounds or the way she smells? And if she hadn't come here in the first place then she could pretend that she's nothing to Angel but she's now pretty sure that there's something between them and she just thrown Buffy up between them. How could she have been so stupid?
"She doesn't need you interfering. This thing between her and I will work itself out," Angel coldly says.
It hurts when he tells her that she's just interfering her. Sure she doesn't have a lot of friends (two to be precise) but don't friends to stupid things like this all of the time? It hurts more because Xander had told her the same thing when she had told him that she was worried about Buffy and Angel. She's just so confused.
"I should go then," Willow quietly says, refusing to look at him. Maybe Angel and Xander are right, maybe she's just sticking her nose where it's not wanted.
"Or maybe you can tell me why you're really here," Angel says.
Willow looks up sharply at his words. How can he know? And then she remembers again that he's a vampire and that he has superior senses. No doubt her heart rate gave her away. Isn't that how lie detectors work? They measure your heart rate to tell if you're lying? Willow flushes red in embarrassment as she realizes that Angel can probably sense other things that she'd rather he didn't. Things like it's that time of month for her and other equally private things. She looks away from again.
Once again, she tells herself how wrong it was for her to come here. What ever was she thinking?
"I really need to go," Willow says.
Angel steps closer to her. His hand gently tilts her face up to his.
"I didn't think that you were a coward Willow,"
She blushes again but his words have their intended affect.
"I'm here about us, not that there's an us but you know what I mean. Why did you pretend not to know me when you first met me with Buffy."
Angel sighs. For a moment, Willow thinks that she's gone too far. However he takes her by the hand and guides her to the sofa. It's oddly intimate as they sit down beside one another. Willow finds it surreal how normal Angel's apartment is. There's a TV, a book case, a coffee table and two chairs along with the sofa. Willow can almost pretend that Angel is a human.
"The first reason was Darla and the second was because I didn't want the others to give you trouble."
Willow is confused. What does Darla have to do with anything? And how would the others give her trouble? She opens her mouth to ask but Angel interrupts her before she can say a word.
"My sire was very jealous. It was better if she believed that Buffy was the only threat. You know what happened there."
Willow nods in agreement. Darla was very scary and she supposes that she's grateful that Angel didn't want her to be in Darla's sites. Although she's not quite sure how the blonde vampire would have been jealous of Willow.
"The others, Giles, Xander and even Buffy, would have viewed you with suspicion if they knew that you knew me beforehand. Especially since you know what I am. I needed Buffy's trust to get close to her in order to help her to defeat the Master. I still need her trust."
"But she knows now and I don't think she'll trust you again," Willow says.
Angel shrugs. "I'm positive that she'll trust me again without any issues."
It clicks into place as to what he's really saying and Willow feels insulted both as a teenage girl and as Buffy's friend.
"You think that she's shallow and that she'll get over the fact that you're a vampire because you have a pretty face."
Angel gives Willow a feral grin.
"She wouldn't be the first one to do so," Angel tells her.
"Do you feel that way about me?" Willow asks, her voice heavy with hurt.
Is she just another gullible teenage girl like Buffy is?
"No."
Angel's answer is quick and blunt. For a moment, Willow forgets why she's there. She almost believes that he really thinks that she's different.
"No I don't suppose it matters how you see me, does it? I've already played your game like you wanted me to. You must have been relieved when I followed your lead and pretended ignorance."
Willow stands up. It's time that she leaves. Unlike Buffy, Willow remembers the first lesson that she learned about vampires from Giles - never ever trust them.
"If so much wasn't at stake, Buffy wouldn't matter to me," Angel quietly says. "But she's the only one who can destroy the Master."
"You don't have to explain it to me," Willow replies. "I understand. She's the Slayer."
Willow doesn't add that she's just a plain Jane girl who can't even hold a candle to the Slayer.
"There's a prophecy. Buffy must destroy the Master."
Willow wishes for a moment that she didn't know about vampires, Slayers, or prophecies. She wishes that it was the summer again and that Jesse was still alive and that she was still innocent. She'd almost give anything to have that moment back when she decided to walk home while the boys were playing their stupid video game. Instead of leaving, she'd curl up on Xander's bed, inhale the scent that was boy and Xander and put up with his father's rude comments the next morning.
"She might die, Willow even with my help," Angel says. "She'll certainly die without my help."
Willow wishes that she didn't care. She wishes that things were very different.
"Fine, I understand. We pretend like we don't know one another, while you romance Buffy so she can fight the Master."
Willow's hand is on the door knob. She opens the door but Angel slams it shut with a snarl. He forcibly turns her around and Willow trembles in fear at him in his game face. She can't even process what's happening when Angel presses a kiss against her lips. She can feel the press of his fangs against her lips yet she gives into the kiss. This should have happened that night in front of her house. She knows that now.
She awkwardly moves her arm so that she's kind of hugging him and he traces her lips with her tongue. She sighs as he pulls away from her. Her arms fall to her side and she's certain that her face is crimson in her embarrassment.
"You don't understand anything at all."
His voice is flat as he turns away from her. And she knows that he's right. How can he kiss her like that yet pretend indifference in front of everyone else? How is she going to pretend that Angel is nothing more than Buffy's sort-of boyfriend who is also her mortal enemy? How is she going to pretend that he's never kissed her when all she wants to do is beg him to kiss her again.
"You should leave," Angel says.
His voice is flat and she knows that she should.
"I'm sorry," Willow whispers before she rushes out the door.
* * *
The next day, Buffy enters the library and pulls Willow aside to tell her that things between her and Angel are okay again. Willow manages to paste a smile on her face and pretends that she's so very happy for her friend. Why wouldn't she want to hear about how Buffy has managed to wrap her head around the fact that Angel is a vampire? Or how he's different because he has a soul?
Willow pretends that she doesn't know what it's like to kiss Angel. And she has the feeling that the way he kissed her is very different from the tentative, chaste kisses that he's given Buffy. So she pretends that she doesn't know what it's like to be kissed by Angel or by anyone. She listens with what she hopes is a rapt expression on her face as Buffy tells her how things are okay and how Angel kissed her shyly the night before.
She pretends that it doesn't hurt at all that Angel must have gone from her to Buffy. And she tries not to think which kisses her prefers. Maybe she'll be able to listen to Buffy go on about Angel and kisses without feeling like someone's stabbing a knife in her stomach.
Maybe one day she won't have to pretend that she doesn't feel anything that what she's supposed to feel for Buffy as her best friend and her sort-of maybe boyfriend who just happens to be a vampire.
((END))
Author: Aaronlisa
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Characters: Willow Rosenberg, Angel, Xander Harris, Buffy Summers, Jesse McNally with mentions of Cordelia Chase, Rupert Giles and Darla
Pairings: Willow/Angel, Buffy/Angel, unrequited Willow/Xander and mentions of Angel/Darla
Rating: FR13
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss Whedon and company. The title comes from the song "Pretending" by HIM.
Notes: Part of this is set pre-Season One, whilst the rest is set during Season One.
Summary: What if Angel had saved Willow from vampires prior to Buffy's arrival in Sunnydale.
Word Count: 3692
The streetlight flickers once and Willow suddenly realizes just how creepy Sunnydale is, especially at night. It's the last week of summer vacation and the boys are hadn't even noticed when she had left since they were both too wrapped up in their stupid video game. Willow had been tired and hadn't really felt like dealing with Xander's family in the morning if she fell asleep on his bed. Even though Xander doesn't like her in that way (and that was clear to everyone except her hopeful heart), his father would always make some snide remark or two about her and Xander that was usually more dirty than it was snide. It just wasn't the worth the few precious moments of joy that she'd get when Xander woke her up in the morning (moments when she could pretend that he liked her back just like how she liked him.) All of this was why she was on her own on a quiet sidewalk with the realization that her little sleepy town was quite creepy at night.
She takes a deep breath as she tries to reassure herself that what she's feeling is just some residual fear from having watched some cheesy horror movie with Jesse and Xander earlier that night. She tries telling herself that the fear that's threatening to overwhelm her has nothing to do with the fact that she's standing right beside the oldest graveyard that Sunnydale has or that the streetlights keep flickering as she walks underneath them. There's no such things as monsters outside of movies.
Just as she's finished reassuring herself, something jumps out at her and Willow screams. She falls down as the thing (it can't be a person) lunges at her hissing and snarling. Just before it can bite her or touch her, it explodes into a cloud of ash. Willow shuts her eyes as her heart pounds in her chest. She tries to tell herself that she's going to wake up in Xander's bed, which smells strongly of boy, and the boys are going to laugh at her for being so silly. Jesse will tease her about not being able to handle some stupid horror movie and Xander will give her a hug before the boys return back to their video game.
"Are you alright miss?"
The voice is both male and gentle. Willow opens her eyes and looks into the face of a handsome man with brown eyes that seem warm and kind. She's pretty certain that she's not dreaming.
"Wh-what happened?" Willow asks, stumbling over the words.
The man sighs as he helps her to stand. For a moment, Willow wishes that she could pretend but she knows that her attacker was person-shaped even if it did explode into ash. And she can't recall anything that actually just explodes into dust. If she's not going to wake up from some nightmare then this must be real and she needs to know what's going on.
"Any chance that you'd want to forget about this?"
There's a pleading look on the man's face and she wants to say yes that she'd be happy to forget whatever it is that just happened. If only to make him happy but she can't. She's too curious for her own good. Her mother always tells Willow that she never knows when to let things go but it's that tenacity that has ensured Willow can go to any prestigious school that she wants by the end of tenth grade. Actually to be honest, Willow can go to any university or college that she wants to with a full scholarship. She doesn't even need to finish high school. She brushes some hair off of her face and gives this stranger her best resolve face.
"Please tell me," Willow quietly asks.
"It was a vampire."
She remains surprisingly calm and she even believes him. There's a part of her that knows that she shouldn't but it all makes too much sense to ignore. Far too much sense, if you were to ask her.
"And what did you do to it?" Willow asks.
"I staked it in the heart."
"Is it dead?" Willow asks.
Somehow she remembers some vampire movie where the monster kept coming back even after it was supposedly dead. She wants to make sure that this vampire won't be coming back.
"Yes, the sure ways to kill a vampire are staking one through the heart, exposing one to sunlight or fire until it burns to ash and, of course, there's beheading."
Willow shudders at how casual his voice sounds.
"Oh, okay. You know a lot about vampires, I guess."
"You could say that."
They stand there awkwardly and in silence. Until Willow realizes that it's still late and night and she really should be getting home.
"I should go home," Willow finally says.
"I'll walk you there."
Willow hesitates. She doesn't know who her saviour is and she doesn't know if it's a good idea to lead him to her home. Who's to say that he's not a monster in disguise? She's pretty sure that vampires aren't the only monsters that lurk in the dark and doesn't her mother always warn her about those human monsters that hurt people just because they can? He gently touches her wrist and Willow looks into his eyes.
"I'm not here to hurt you."
His voice is laced with pain and somehow Willow knows that she can trust him. There's too much sincerity in his eyes.
"You're one of them aren't you?" Willow asks.
He flinches at her words and she feels a moment of guilt even as she realizes that he doesn't deny it. Willow feels safe in his presence after he finally acknowledges what he is with a slight nod of his head. A vampire he might be but clearly he's not in the same category as the one that had attacked her earlier. She's grateful that he doesn't feel the need to fill the silence as they start to walk in the direction of her house.
They're about a block away and Willow suddenly feels nervous. She's walking with a stranger who just happens to be a vampire. Her breath catches in her throat. How did this happen? Sunnydale is supposed to be a safe, sleepy community. Quiet and safe and not like LA. The calmness that she had been experiencing earlier burns away and is quickly replaced with panic and anxiety. Are there other vampires? (Clearly there are since he had killed one that was about to hurt her.) And if there are vampires, what other monsters are there? Are there murderous leprechauns? Murderous psychos that used to be human but have somehow become super-human that hunt people through their dreams? She shudders at the endless possibilities.
His touch is gentle as he grasps her arm at the elbow. She looks into his warm brown eyes and she feels like she can breathe again. Sure there are monsters out there but she doesn't need to know everything tonight.
"Is Sunnydale safe?" Willow asks. "Who are you? Are there others like you?"
He sighs as he stands there and Willow has to bite her lower lip to keep even more questions from spilling out.
"It's as safe as it can be, just try to stay with others at night. And no, there's not others that are like me."
They don't address the fact that the omits his name from his answers. Willow doesn't protest as he starts guiding her in the direction of her house. Nor does she say anything when he walks her up the correct walkway to her front door. Some things are better left unspoken, even she knows that.
* * *
It's a few months later when Willow meets Buffy's mysterious Angel. She's rather pleased when she acts like she's never laid eyes on him before. She even keeps his secrets since she's certain that Angel wouldn't appreciate a stake in the chest if Buffy knew what he really was.
Still it hurts that he's able to trust Buffy with his name and that he's creating some sort of relationship with the Slayer. There's a part of Willow that feels that he's just another boy who's oblivious to the fact that she's a girl with the same feelings and wants as most other girls. Just once she'd like for a boy to look at her with the same blatant interest that is in Angel's eyes when he gazes at Buffy when he thinks no one else is watching.
She refuses to even admit to herself that she wishes that Angel would look at her like he does Buffy. They don't talk about the fact that there was an intense moment when they had stood in front of her house, lingering when his eyes had focused on her lips before flashing yellow. In fact, the reality is that Angel is never alone with Willow and they never talk to one another. Then again, he doesn't really have any reason to either be alone with her or talk to her.
Things seem to be in a holding pattern of some sort. She and Xander don't talk about Jesse or what happened to them. They throw themselves into their roles as Buffy's friends and helpers even though they could wind up just like Jesse. Willow learns far too many answers to unspoken questions from that lost night in the summer and sometimes she just feels overwhelmed. Sometimes she just wishes that she could feign ignorance like almost everyone else in Sunnydale does.
When Buffy finally finds out Angel's terrible secret, Willow acts surprised, horrified and sympathetic. She can't help the elation that she feels when she now has a reason to seek him out. Willow tries to tell herself that she's just concerned about him, that it has nothing to do with the fact that she feels that there's unfinished business between the two of them. She might want to know why he acted like she was a stranger, why he treats her with more indifference than he does Xander but she's really concerned as to what he's going to do now that the girl he was leading on knows what he is.
* * *
Angel's apartment is close to the Bronze and even in the stark sunshine, the area looks seedy and bad. For a moment, Willow considers just turning away and letting things be. But she didn't skip class just to chicken out. So she enters Angel's building and does her best to ignore the strange smells (which only make her wonder if vampires exist and live in apartment buildings, then what other monsters also exist and live like humans in seedy apartment buildings on the wrong side of town?)
She hesitates in front of his door again. Maybe letting sleeping vampires lay is a good idea (do vampires sleep?) Willow's about to turn away when the door opens and Angel grips her by the wrist, hauling her into his apartment. He quickly closes the door before her turns to face her.
"Your heartbeat was rather loud," Angel tells her.
Willow blushes in shame. Buffy would never be this afraid or this nervous so that her heartbeat acted like a signal for creatures that could easily harm her. She looks away from him and stares at the floor, almost wishing that it'd open up and swallow her whole.
"Why are you here, Willow?" Angel asks.
She feels tongue-tied. This was a horrible idea. Clearly if Angel had a reason for pretending that they were strangers, Willow should have just respected that reason. She doesn't need to know everything and she's better off wanting someone like Xander to finally notice her. These feelings for Angel are nothing more than a stupid, pathetic crush. It's just like how Cordelia had gone on and on about how a hot cop that had dealt with a stalker the cheerleader had last year. What she feels, no what she felt, for Angel is nothing more than a momentary attraction for a hot man who rescued her. It's not real.
Willow's not even aware of the fact that Angel's moved closer to her. She closes her eyes and tries to think of some valid reason for her to be there and when she opens her eyes again, Angel has her pressed up against the door. Her heart is in her mouth when his eyes flash yellow. This isn't supposed to happen. Not to her and definitely not with Angel. Not when she's just convinced herself that her feelings for him are one-sided and misplaced.
Angel leans down and Willow shuts her eyes in response. He emits a soft growl before pulling back from her.
"Why are you here?" Angel asks again, his voice emotionless.
This is not the time to ask why he pretended they were strangers. It might never be a good time to ask that question. Instead Willow falls back on the one thing that connects them.
"Bu-buffy," Willow haltingly says. "She needs you even though she'll never admit and I don't know how to convince her of that."
Angel sighs as he runs a hand through his hair. Willow looks at the floor again because she's so embarrassed. What if he can tell that she's lying because of the way her heart sounds or the way she smells? And if she hadn't come here in the first place then she could pretend that she's nothing to Angel but she's now pretty sure that there's something between them and she just thrown Buffy up between them. How could she have been so stupid?
"She doesn't need you interfering. This thing between her and I will work itself out," Angel coldly says.
It hurts when he tells her that she's just interfering her. Sure she doesn't have a lot of friends (two to be precise) but don't friends to stupid things like this all of the time? It hurts more because Xander had told her the same thing when she had told him that she was worried about Buffy and Angel. She's just so confused.
"I should go then," Willow quietly says, refusing to look at him. Maybe Angel and Xander are right, maybe she's just sticking her nose where it's not wanted.
"Or maybe you can tell me why you're really here," Angel says.
Willow looks up sharply at his words. How can he know? And then she remembers again that he's a vampire and that he has superior senses. No doubt her heart rate gave her away. Isn't that how lie detectors work? They measure your heart rate to tell if you're lying? Willow flushes red in embarrassment as she realizes that Angel can probably sense other things that she'd rather he didn't. Things like it's that time of month for her and other equally private things. She looks away from again.
Once again, she tells herself how wrong it was for her to come here. What ever was she thinking?
"I really need to go," Willow says.
Angel steps closer to her. His hand gently tilts her face up to his.
"I didn't think that you were a coward Willow,"
She blushes again but his words have their intended affect.
"I'm here about us, not that there's an us but you know what I mean. Why did you pretend not to know me when you first met me with Buffy."
Angel sighs. For a moment, Willow thinks that she's gone too far. However he takes her by the hand and guides her to the sofa. It's oddly intimate as they sit down beside one another. Willow finds it surreal how normal Angel's apartment is. There's a TV, a book case, a coffee table and two chairs along with the sofa. Willow can almost pretend that Angel is a human.
"The first reason was Darla and the second was because I didn't want the others to give you trouble."
Willow is confused. What does Darla have to do with anything? And how would the others give her trouble? She opens her mouth to ask but Angel interrupts her before she can say a word.
"My sire was very jealous. It was better if she believed that Buffy was the only threat. You know what happened there."
Willow nods in agreement. Darla was very scary and she supposes that she's grateful that Angel didn't want her to be in Darla's sites. Although she's not quite sure how the blonde vampire would have been jealous of Willow.
"The others, Giles, Xander and even Buffy, would have viewed you with suspicion if they knew that you knew me beforehand. Especially since you know what I am. I needed Buffy's trust to get close to her in order to help her to defeat the Master. I still need her trust."
"But she knows now and I don't think she'll trust you again," Willow says.
Angel shrugs. "I'm positive that she'll trust me again without any issues."
It clicks into place as to what he's really saying and Willow feels insulted both as a teenage girl and as Buffy's friend.
"You think that she's shallow and that she'll get over the fact that you're a vampire because you have a pretty face."
Angel gives Willow a feral grin.
"She wouldn't be the first one to do so," Angel tells her.
"Do you feel that way about me?" Willow asks, her voice heavy with hurt.
Is she just another gullible teenage girl like Buffy is?
"No."
Angel's answer is quick and blunt. For a moment, Willow forgets why she's there. She almost believes that he really thinks that she's different.
"No I don't suppose it matters how you see me, does it? I've already played your game like you wanted me to. You must have been relieved when I followed your lead and pretended ignorance."
Willow stands up. It's time that she leaves. Unlike Buffy, Willow remembers the first lesson that she learned about vampires from Giles - never ever trust them.
"If so much wasn't at stake, Buffy wouldn't matter to me," Angel quietly says. "But she's the only one who can destroy the Master."
"You don't have to explain it to me," Willow replies. "I understand. She's the Slayer."
Willow doesn't add that she's just a plain Jane girl who can't even hold a candle to the Slayer.
"There's a prophecy. Buffy must destroy the Master."
Willow wishes for a moment that she didn't know about vampires, Slayers, or prophecies. She wishes that it was the summer again and that Jesse was still alive and that she was still innocent. She'd almost give anything to have that moment back when she decided to walk home while the boys were playing their stupid video game. Instead of leaving, she'd curl up on Xander's bed, inhale the scent that was boy and Xander and put up with his father's rude comments the next morning.
"She might die, Willow even with my help," Angel says. "She'll certainly die without my help."
Willow wishes that she didn't care. She wishes that things were very different.
"Fine, I understand. We pretend like we don't know one another, while you romance Buffy so she can fight the Master."
Willow's hand is on the door knob. She opens the door but Angel slams it shut with a snarl. He forcibly turns her around and Willow trembles in fear at him in his game face. She can't even process what's happening when Angel presses a kiss against her lips. She can feel the press of his fangs against her lips yet she gives into the kiss. This should have happened that night in front of her house. She knows that now.
She awkwardly moves her arm so that she's kind of hugging him and he traces her lips with her tongue. She sighs as he pulls away from her. Her arms fall to her side and she's certain that her face is crimson in her embarrassment.
"You don't understand anything at all."
His voice is flat as he turns away from her. And she knows that he's right. How can he kiss her like that yet pretend indifference in front of everyone else? How is she going to pretend that Angel is nothing more than Buffy's sort-of boyfriend who is also her mortal enemy? How is she going to pretend that he's never kissed her when all she wants to do is beg him to kiss her again.
"You should leave," Angel says.
His voice is flat and she knows that she should.
"I'm sorry," Willow whispers before she rushes out the door.
* * *
The next day, Buffy enters the library and pulls Willow aside to tell her that things between her and Angel are okay again. Willow manages to paste a smile on her face and pretends that she's so very happy for her friend. Why wouldn't she want to hear about how Buffy has managed to wrap her head around the fact that Angel is a vampire? Or how he's different because he has a soul?
Willow pretends that she doesn't know what it's like to kiss Angel. And she has the feeling that the way he kissed her is very different from the tentative, chaste kisses that he's given Buffy. So she pretends that she doesn't know what it's like to be kissed by Angel or by anyone. She listens with what she hopes is a rapt expression on her face as Buffy tells her how things are okay and how Angel kissed her shyly the night before.
She pretends that it doesn't hurt at all that Angel must have gone from her to Buffy. And she tries not to think which kisses her prefers. Maybe she'll be able to listen to Buffy go on about Angel and kisses without feeling like someone's stabbing a knife in her stomach.
Maybe one day she won't have to pretend that she doesn't feel anything that what she's supposed to feel for Buffy as her best friend and her sort-of maybe boyfriend who just happens to be a vampire.
((END))