{dollhouse} the ghosts of the past
Title: The Ghosts of the Past
Author: aaronlisa
Fandom: Dollhouse
Pairing/Characters: Alpha/Echo
Rating: FR13
Disclaimer: Dollhouse belongs to Joss Whedon and company.
Prompts: Written for smallfandomfest for the prompt of Alpha/Echo and learning to let go; 2x5obsessions (blackest night); fivebyfiction (last); 500themes - #46 ( screaming silence)
Notes: Set inbetween the events of the two Epitaph episodes.
Summary: Alpha and Echo go on a mission together but she can't let go enough to trust him.
Word Count: 1201
The highway seems to stretch endlessly before them. Los Angeles is a distant memory behind them, it feels a million miles away as the silence between them seems to expand, filling the small cab of the vehicle with unspoken words and tightly controlled emotions. Alpha doesn't mention about how he was right about Paul Ballard and Echo doesn't tell him that Alpha was the one who stole Paul away from her. Instead they remain silent and focused on the trip. They're heading towards Miami and the dollhouse there to tear it down (and to pillage it for parts and imprints.) It's a macabre affair but a necessary one since Rossum still has secrets stored in the dollhouses. What worries her is what awaits them. Some of the dollhouses have been worse than the war torn streets of LA.
"You need to let it go."
Alpha's voice is gentle and almost timid in the silence of the cab. Echo wonders who he's channeling at that precise moment. At least Paul was completely one person in one body even after Alpha tried to steal him. She's always known who Paul was at any given moment, with Alpha she's never certain who's in control at any given moment. He's more fragmented than she is (or maybe she's just better at hiding it from everyone than Alpha is.)
Echo's not sure of how many miles pass when the night finally falls, cloaking them in sheer darkness. The headlights of the truck are the only thing to pierce through the dark. The memories that she has of driving during the night in the past don't really belong to her (except for the ones from the last two years), but still driving now is scarier than it ever was. She can remember the glow of civilization, how it was never truly dark. Even though they're Caroline's memories, she can remember that it wasn't as lonely as it is now.
Alpha places a hand on her knee as if he knows how tense she's becoming. The touch is comforting but it still feels heavy on her knee. He wants something from her but she's not sure what it is.
"You really need to let it go," Alpha tells her. This time his voice is firmer.
"What am I supposed to let go?" Echo asks.
"All of it. The ones that you couldn't save, the ones that you have saved, just all of it before it eats you up."
"That's easy for you to say. You can walk away at any time, I don't have that luxury," Echo angrily states.
"It's not about walking away," Alpha tells her.
"Then what is about it?"
Alpha sighs as he returns his focus back to the road. Their truces never really seem to last for very long. She can't see him as anything but misguided. Even the fact that he helps her fight what he considers to be her war doesn't change her mind about him. (It might have changed everybody else's perspective about him but not Echo's.)
The silence is screaming in her ears but she can't find the words that she desperately needs, even if she's not sure if she wants to accuse Alpha or beg him for forgiveness. She needs a recognizable enemy, she's afraid to let herself completely trust him. Her emotions for him are tainted by Boyd's betrayal and by Alpha's obsession. Yet she desperately needs him.
Echo's not sure if she can ever truly let go of everything. She can never let go of the fact that Alpha created her, that he killed Caroline by creating her to be some sort of bride to his super man. Yet she's not sure what's worse, what Alpha did to her in his obsession or of how Boyd played her. At the end of the day, she knows that they are all pawns on Rossum's chessboard, even now she can't be sure if she has a chance at winning the war or if Rossum is still manipulating her.
* * *
Miami's dollhouse has been abandoned for quite some time. The only life is that in the Attic. Although Echo's not sure if it can even be considered life or not. Still she lets Echo do the dirty work of taking Miami's Attic offline. He does so with a wry twist of his lips and she can't be sure just what he's trying to silently tell her.
There are no traps, no surprises, just a heavy sense of neglect and abandonment that hangs in the silent and still air. The walls are an institutional mint green and dull grey. It servers as a reminder that Adelle treated her actives much better than most in her position did. At least in the Los Angeles dollhouse, the actives were treated like innocent children instead of like mental patients or even worse like cattle.
She goes about her work trying not to think about the dirty work that she relies on Alpha to do so that she can keep her hands as pristine white as possible in this war.
* * *
Alpha corners her in the imprint room. It's a cold and clinic room with no personality. Echo can almost taste the suffering that seems to linger on her tongue. Before she can say anything, Alpha is there claiming her mouth with a kiss. It tastes of salvation and regret and obsession (both his and her own.) She briefly thinks that there's something wrong with her when she lets him pick her up and lay her down on the cold metal gurney that served as this dollhouse's imprint chair. (Topher and Adelle really went out of their way to make their actives as comfortable as possible.)
She knows that he's trying to help her to let go but even now when he worships her body with his hands and mouth she can't let go. Echo can't learn the survival technique and it's not one she can be imprinted with. Somehow the thought that all of the imprints that Topher's given her have all been lacking the ability to let go seems to make her sadder.
"Let go, just this once," Alpha whispers against her skin.
Echo submits and for a moment or two, she allows herself to trust him fully. Echo's not sure of who needs this more: her or him but she can taste their mutual desperation in the air.
* * *
When it's over, Echo can feel the chill of the metal gurney pressing against her heated skin. Their panting breaths fade away into a complete silence and she knows that whatever it is that they have (which isn't much admittedly) won't and can't last. Alpha can stomach sharing her with Paul but Echo knows that he won't be satisfied with having none of her for much longer. The silence screams in her ears and she tries to let go of her doubt, her fear, the mistrust but she can't. Not enough to save either Alpha or herself.
The betrayals have gone beneath her skin and the imprints, they've marked her soul so that she can't trust him, she can't let go no matter how much she tries.
((END))
Author: aaronlisa
Fandom: Dollhouse
Pairing/Characters: Alpha/Echo
Rating: FR13
Disclaimer: Dollhouse belongs to Joss Whedon and company.
Prompts: Written for smallfandomfest for the prompt of Alpha/Echo and learning to let go; 2x5obsessions (blackest night); fivebyfiction (last); 500themes - #46 ( screaming silence)
Notes: Set inbetween the events of the two Epitaph episodes.
Summary: Alpha and Echo go on a mission together but she can't let go enough to trust him.
Word Count: 1201
The highway seems to stretch endlessly before them. Los Angeles is a distant memory behind them, it feels a million miles away as the silence between them seems to expand, filling the small cab of the vehicle with unspoken words and tightly controlled emotions. Alpha doesn't mention about how he was right about Paul Ballard and Echo doesn't tell him that Alpha was the one who stole Paul away from her. Instead they remain silent and focused on the trip. They're heading towards Miami and the dollhouse there to tear it down (and to pillage it for parts and imprints.) It's a macabre affair but a necessary one since Rossum still has secrets stored in the dollhouses. What worries her is what awaits them. Some of the dollhouses have been worse than the war torn streets of LA.
"You need to let it go."
Alpha's voice is gentle and almost timid in the silence of the cab. Echo wonders who he's channeling at that precise moment. At least Paul was completely one person in one body even after Alpha tried to steal him. She's always known who Paul was at any given moment, with Alpha she's never certain who's in control at any given moment. He's more fragmented than she is (or maybe she's just better at hiding it from everyone than Alpha is.)
Echo's not sure of how many miles pass when the night finally falls, cloaking them in sheer darkness. The headlights of the truck are the only thing to pierce through the dark. The memories that she has of driving during the night in the past don't really belong to her (except for the ones from the last two years), but still driving now is scarier than it ever was. She can remember the glow of civilization, how it was never truly dark. Even though they're Caroline's memories, she can remember that it wasn't as lonely as it is now.
Alpha places a hand on her knee as if he knows how tense she's becoming. The touch is comforting but it still feels heavy on her knee. He wants something from her but she's not sure what it is.
"You really need to let it go," Alpha tells her. This time his voice is firmer.
"What am I supposed to let go?" Echo asks.
"All of it. The ones that you couldn't save, the ones that you have saved, just all of it before it eats you up."
"That's easy for you to say. You can walk away at any time, I don't have that luxury," Echo angrily states.
"It's not about walking away," Alpha tells her.
"Then what is about it?"
Alpha sighs as he returns his focus back to the road. Their truces never really seem to last for very long. She can't see him as anything but misguided. Even the fact that he helps her fight what he considers to be her war doesn't change her mind about him. (It might have changed everybody else's perspective about him but not Echo's.)
The silence is screaming in her ears but she can't find the words that she desperately needs, even if she's not sure if she wants to accuse Alpha or beg him for forgiveness. She needs a recognizable enemy, she's afraid to let herself completely trust him. Her emotions for him are tainted by Boyd's betrayal and by Alpha's obsession. Yet she desperately needs him.
Echo's not sure if she can ever truly let go of everything. She can never let go of the fact that Alpha created her, that he killed Caroline by creating her to be some sort of bride to his super man. Yet she's not sure what's worse, what Alpha did to her in his obsession or of how Boyd played her. At the end of the day, she knows that they are all pawns on Rossum's chessboard, even now she can't be sure if she has a chance at winning the war or if Rossum is still manipulating her.
* * *
Miami's dollhouse has been abandoned for quite some time. The only life is that in the Attic. Although Echo's not sure if it can even be considered life or not. Still she lets Echo do the dirty work of taking Miami's Attic offline. He does so with a wry twist of his lips and she can't be sure just what he's trying to silently tell her.
There are no traps, no surprises, just a heavy sense of neglect and abandonment that hangs in the silent and still air. The walls are an institutional mint green and dull grey. It servers as a reminder that Adelle treated her actives much better than most in her position did. At least in the Los Angeles dollhouse, the actives were treated like innocent children instead of like mental patients or even worse like cattle.
She goes about her work trying not to think about the dirty work that she relies on Alpha to do so that she can keep her hands as pristine white as possible in this war.
* * *
Alpha corners her in the imprint room. It's a cold and clinic room with no personality. Echo can almost taste the suffering that seems to linger on her tongue. Before she can say anything, Alpha is there claiming her mouth with a kiss. It tastes of salvation and regret and obsession (both his and her own.) She briefly thinks that there's something wrong with her when she lets him pick her up and lay her down on the cold metal gurney that served as this dollhouse's imprint chair. (Topher and Adelle really went out of their way to make their actives as comfortable as possible.)
She knows that he's trying to help her to let go but even now when he worships her body with his hands and mouth she can't let go. Echo can't learn the survival technique and it's not one she can be imprinted with. Somehow the thought that all of the imprints that Topher's given her have all been lacking the ability to let go seems to make her sadder.
"Let go, just this once," Alpha whispers against her skin.
Echo submits and for a moment or two, she allows herself to trust him fully. Echo's not sure of who needs this more: her or him but she can taste their mutual desperation in the air.
* * *
When it's over, Echo can feel the chill of the metal gurney pressing against her heated skin. Their panting breaths fade away into a complete silence and she knows that whatever it is that they have (which isn't much admittedly) won't and can't last. Alpha can stomach sharing her with Paul but Echo knows that he won't be satisfied with having none of her for much longer. The silence screams in her ears and she tries to let go of her doubt, her fear, the mistrust but she can't. Not enough to save either Alpha or herself.
The betrayals have gone beneath her skin and the imprints, they've marked her soul so that she can't trust him, she can't let go no matter how much she tries.
((END))