Go Ahead, Take A Peek
Well, life is still . . . life. I'm back into the grind where everyday is more of a burden and I'm always counting down to something different. I've been in a bit of a funk lately. I'd really like to drop out of school and dedicate more time to my music, but that's a pretty foolish thing to do because I'm so far along. I miss the days when life was more exciting. Is this what the "real world" that our parents warned us about is like? If it is, you can keep it. I try really hard not to be down all the time, mainly for Cathi, but it's just so hard. All my life I felt like I was meant for something more, and now that I have that potential outlet in music, things just can't move fast enough. We're supposed to be recording a demo soon, and after that, shows, shows, and more shows. Anyways, back to me.
Lonely days are really shitty right now. But days when I'm around everyone I just want to be alone. Death has been on my mind a lot lately. Not like, suicide, or any dumb shit like that. It's just that sometimes when I daydream, I begin to think about people I care about dying, to the point where I almost cry. Pretty fucked up, huh? Things with Cathi and I have been, well, I don't really know. It sucks when a relationship begins to feel like a friendship, and it's really nobody's fault. All my free time either goes to homework or the band. I am perfectly aware of how shitty that sounds, but aside from the limited time Cathi and I have together where we can have fun, music is the only thing that keeps me going. Some days I wonder what I am doing that's so wrong. Why did I get the short end of the stick?
Sometimes I think that if Cathi could have me in her life, but not as her boyfriend, things would be much better for her. Like, she'd have me there for her, but she could find a guy who could give her everything she needs. But when things got shitty between us, it was kind of like a reminder of how much I love her. I hate the parts of life that no one can give you advice for. Well, fuck. I'm pretty sure that I'm complaining too much, but I also think I needed to. Well, whatever, there's your insight into my mind. Enjoy your therapy.
Lonely days are really shitty right now. But days when I'm around everyone I just want to be alone. Death has been on my mind a lot lately. Not like, suicide, or any dumb shit like that. It's just that sometimes when I daydream, I begin to think about people I care about dying, to the point where I almost cry. Pretty fucked up, huh? Things with Cathi and I have been, well, I don't really know. It sucks when a relationship begins to feel like a friendship, and it's really nobody's fault. All my free time either goes to homework or the band. I am perfectly aware of how shitty that sounds, but aside from the limited time Cathi and I have together where we can have fun, music is the only thing that keeps me going. Some days I wonder what I am doing that's so wrong. Why did I get the short end of the stick?
Sometimes I think that if Cathi could have me in her life, but not as her boyfriend, things would be much better for her. Like, she'd have me there for her, but she could find a guy who could give her everything she needs. But when things got shitty between us, it was kind of like a reminder of how much I love her. I hate the parts of life that no one can give you advice for. Well, fuck. I'm pretty sure that I'm complaining too much, but I also think I needed to. Well, whatever, there's your insight into my mind. Enjoy your therapy.