♫ MOU IYA DA KONNA UTSU UTSU ♫
I finally finished the next installment in the Golden Trio story! Enjoy your heaping helping of angst~
This, by the way, follows All That Glitters and Tanoshimi.
Title: Forgiveness
Disclaimer: Not mine, Konomi's.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: BL, angst, [WIP]
Author's Note: Sometimes, Oishi really is a douche. I'm sorry, but seriously.
Oishi loves Eiji, no matter what. Eiji is young and immature and makes bad decisions, and Oishi understands. Eiji is stubborn and throws himself into life headlong, and when he trips and stumbles, Oishi is there to help him up. Eiji is often stupid and makes bad choices and mistakes, and Oishi will always forgive him, because Oishi loves him, and no matter what, he will always love him.
Or, at least, this is what Oishi has always thought.
That night, when Eiji had tumbled through his window, shivering and sordid and tearful, so obviously upset and ashamed, Oishi had been entirely ready to forgive. Even when Eiji had explained the full extent of what he had done, eyes red, tears streaking his cheeks, Oishi had been upset, yes, but ready to forgive. Eiji was what mattered to him, and he was obviously abysmal in the knowledge of what he had done, and so Oishi could forgive him and they'd be back together and that would be the end of it.
Except it hasn't been the end of it.
It wasn't a big deal at first; the day after and the day after that, when they were alone, Eiji would look down and apologize softly, and Oishi would shake his head and assure him that it was fine and tell him to stop thinking about it, and it seemed like things would be fine. But Eiji didn't stop apologizing-- it was as if, even though Oishi had forgiven him, he couldn't forgive himself, and he continued to retain a look of guilt in his eyes which clouded his pretty features and finally, after a few weeks, made it such that Oishi couldn't bear to meet his gaze at all.
Oishi knows, logically, reasonably speaking, that it must be Eiji feeling guilty. There's no other explanation for it. But as time goes on, as Oishi begins to spend more and more time avoiding Eiji's gaze, it begins to seem almost the opposite. To keep apologizing, to keep reopening the issue and never letting it go, never letting Oishi forget... it's almost as if Eiji is taunting him with it, flaunting his infidelity before Oishi's eyes and causing a tightness in his chest that grows stronger with every apology. With the seed of doubt planted, it's terrible; every smile, every laugh, ever word Eiji speaks seems increasingly like a taunt, the most valuable prize dangling in front of Oishi's eyes only to be a tiny bit out of reach. It's unbearable, really, and Oishi finally can't take it anymore, finally snaps.
They're the only ones left at school. Eiji is taking forever to get ready to leave and Oishi's leaning against the door frame looking out onto the courts, his back to the locker room. "Oishi~i!" he hears Eiji whine behind him, "Wait for me~e!"
There's something in the sound of that whine that's like poison to Oishi, because his heart clenches and his tightens his jaw and before he knows what he's doing, he's shaking his head. "No, Eiji."
He can practically hear Eiji's confusion. "Why not? What's wrong?"
It's an effort, but Oishi forces himself to turn in the doorway, to look into the eyes had he been avoiding for so long now, to face the boy he had thought he would always love. In the half light of the evening sun with his face accented by shadow, he looks oddly discoloured, and Oishi swallows, speaking what he knows he has to say and trying not to think about it. "I'm leaving you, Eiji. I'm sorry. I think it's for the better this way."
A very heavy, dense silence hangs in the air for a good five minutes, but something holds Oishi back from leaving. Perhaps it's the tears that are welling in Eiji's eyes or the look of utter sadness that's so unfitting on his features, but whatever it is, Oishi is finally willing himself to turn his back again when he hears Eiji's voice, saturated with hurt, a little choked and quiet, as if he's afraid someone in the next room might hear. "...Why, Oishi?"
Oishi swallows again, forces his feet to begin walking. "I suppose I can't forgive as easily as I thought I could."
He almost, almost gets away without hearing Eiji begin to cry.
...
Momo is home alone again when there's a knock on the door. He isn't expecting anyone and he really doesn't want to be; he's feeling lazy and just wants some time to himself. With a sigh, he rolls out of bed, where he was comfortably reading manga and decidedly not doing his homework, pads down the hall with another sigh and a grumble, and throws the door open with an exasperated, "Yeah, yeah, what do you want?"
He is met with a teary-eyed, flush-faced, miserable-looking Eiji-sempai. Momo splutters but no words come, and in his silence, Eiji-sempai sniffs once, pathetically, and looks up at Momo with wide, watery eyes. "I promise I won't do anything stupid this time," he begins before his voice cracks and he coughs twice and sniffs again. "It's just... I didn't know where else to go, I'm sorry..."
It's kind of a blur, but before he knows what he's doing, Momo is assuring Eiji-sempai that he doesn't ever need to be sorry and ushering Eiji-sempai inside setting him down on his bed, bringing him microwaved tea and wrapping his cold, trembling arms in a blanket before sitting beside him and rubbing his back lightly. He doesn't ask what's wrong; he assumes Eiji-sempai will tell him if he wants to tell him, and Momo doesn't want to push. He can't help but wonder, in the silence as Eiji sips the hot drink and looks blankly, sordidly across the room at nothing, why Eiji is here crying on him instead of with Oishi-buchou, but, of course, he doesn't ask that either. He just watches and waits, and it isn't so hard; even tear-streaked and pale, Eiji-sempai's face is beautiful, his lips so pink, his skin so smooth and even... Momo is overwhelmed with the desire to kiss those tears away because he knows this isn't even half as pretty as he usually is, but he also knows that would be a bad plan, considering what happened last time. He could, he would behave himself this time. He might be helplessly in love with Eiji-sempai, but he could still be a good friend.
Eiji-sempai sips away at his tea for a few more minutes; Momo watches the golden-brown liquid disappear between his lips until he rests the cup in his lap, his hands around it still shaking slightly, and looks down at it. His hair falls around his face and Momo can't see his eyes, but if the droplets falling into the cup are any indication, he's crumbling again. Momo is bold and wraps an arm around him, and, to his surprise, Eiji-sempai falls limp against him and breaks down entirely, sobbing weakly into his shoulder. After a few minutes of feeling Eiji-sempai's warmth and wetness soak into his t-shirt, however, Momo finally gives in and asks, in a soft murmur against Eiji-sempai's ear, "Eiji-sempai... what happened?"
"I'm sorry... Momo..." Eiji-sempai mumbles into Momo's shirt, and Momo shakes his head, rubbing his arm as comfortingly as he can. "I told you, Eiji-sempai, don't worry about it. I want to help."
Eiji-sempai swallows, sits up a little farther, looks up at Momo with a little half-laugh that's anything but humourous. "This time it's true," he sniffs, his voice rough with all the crying, "Oishi's dumped me."
Oh god, is all Momo can think. Oh, oh god.
This, by the way, follows All That Glitters and Tanoshimi.
Title: Forgiveness
Disclaimer: Not mine, Konomi's.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: BL, angst, [WIP]
Author's Note: Sometimes, Oishi really is a douche. I'm sorry, but seriously.
Oishi loves Eiji, no matter what. Eiji is young and immature and makes bad decisions, and Oishi understands. Eiji is stubborn and throws himself into life headlong, and when he trips and stumbles, Oishi is there to help him up. Eiji is often stupid and makes bad choices and mistakes, and Oishi will always forgive him, because Oishi loves him, and no matter what, he will always love him.
Or, at least, this is what Oishi has always thought.
That night, when Eiji had tumbled through his window, shivering and sordid and tearful, so obviously upset and ashamed, Oishi had been entirely ready to forgive. Even when Eiji had explained the full extent of what he had done, eyes red, tears streaking his cheeks, Oishi had been upset, yes, but ready to forgive. Eiji was what mattered to him, and he was obviously abysmal in the knowledge of what he had done, and so Oishi could forgive him and they'd be back together and that would be the end of it.
Except it hasn't been the end of it.
It wasn't a big deal at first; the day after and the day after that, when they were alone, Eiji would look down and apologize softly, and Oishi would shake his head and assure him that it was fine and tell him to stop thinking about it, and it seemed like things would be fine. But Eiji didn't stop apologizing-- it was as if, even though Oishi had forgiven him, he couldn't forgive himself, and he continued to retain a look of guilt in his eyes which clouded his pretty features and finally, after a few weeks, made it such that Oishi couldn't bear to meet his gaze at all.
Oishi knows, logically, reasonably speaking, that it must be Eiji feeling guilty. There's no other explanation for it. But as time goes on, as Oishi begins to spend more and more time avoiding Eiji's gaze, it begins to seem almost the opposite. To keep apologizing, to keep reopening the issue and never letting it go, never letting Oishi forget... it's almost as if Eiji is taunting him with it, flaunting his infidelity before Oishi's eyes and causing a tightness in his chest that grows stronger with every apology. With the seed of doubt planted, it's terrible; every smile, every laugh, ever word Eiji speaks seems increasingly like a taunt, the most valuable prize dangling in front of Oishi's eyes only to be a tiny bit out of reach. It's unbearable, really, and Oishi finally can't take it anymore, finally snaps.
They're the only ones left at school. Eiji is taking forever to get ready to leave and Oishi's leaning against the door frame looking out onto the courts, his back to the locker room. "Oishi~i!" he hears Eiji whine behind him, "Wait for me~e!"
There's something in the sound of that whine that's like poison to Oishi, because his heart clenches and his tightens his jaw and before he knows what he's doing, he's shaking his head. "No, Eiji."
He can practically hear Eiji's confusion. "Why not? What's wrong?"
It's an effort, but Oishi forces himself to turn in the doorway, to look into the eyes had he been avoiding for so long now, to face the boy he had thought he would always love. In the half light of the evening sun with his face accented by shadow, he looks oddly discoloured, and Oishi swallows, speaking what he knows he has to say and trying not to think about it. "I'm leaving you, Eiji. I'm sorry. I think it's for the better this way."
A very heavy, dense silence hangs in the air for a good five minutes, but something holds Oishi back from leaving. Perhaps it's the tears that are welling in Eiji's eyes or the look of utter sadness that's so unfitting on his features, but whatever it is, Oishi is finally willing himself to turn his back again when he hears Eiji's voice, saturated with hurt, a little choked and quiet, as if he's afraid someone in the next room might hear. "...Why, Oishi?"
Oishi swallows again, forces his feet to begin walking. "I suppose I can't forgive as easily as I thought I could."
He almost, almost gets away without hearing Eiji begin to cry.
...
Momo is home alone again when there's a knock on the door. He isn't expecting anyone and he really doesn't want to be; he's feeling lazy and just wants some time to himself. With a sigh, he rolls out of bed, where he was comfortably reading manga and decidedly not doing his homework, pads down the hall with another sigh and a grumble, and throws the door open with an exasperated, "Yeah, yeah, what do you want?"
He is met with a teary-eyed, flush-faced, miserable-looking Eiji-sempai. Momo splutters but no words come, and in his silence, Eiji-sempai sniffs once, pathetically, and looks up at Momo with wide, watery eyes. "I promise I won't do anything stupid this time," he begins before his voice cracks and he coughs twice and sniffs again. "It's just... I didn't know where else to go, I'm sorry..."
It's kind of a blur, but before he knows what he's doing, Momo is assuring Eiji-sempai that he doesn't ever need to be sorry and ushering Eiji-sempai inside setting him down on his bed, bringing him microwaved tea and wrapping his cold, trembling arms in a blanket before sitting beside him and rubbing his back lightly. He doesn't ask what's wrong; he assumes Eiji-sempai will tell him if he wants to tell him, and Momo doesn't want to push. He can't help but wonder, in the silence as Eiji sips the hot drink and looks blankly, sordidly across the room at nothing, why Eiji is here crying on him instead of with Oishi-buchou, but, of course, he doesn't ask that either. He just watches and waits, and it isn't so hard; even tear-streaked and pale, Eiji-sempai's face is beautiful, his lips so pink, his skin so smooth and even... Momo is overwhelmed with the desire to kiss those tears away because he knows this isn't even half as pretty as he usually is, but he also knows that would be a bad plan, considering what happened last time. He could, he would behave himself this time. He might be helplessly in love with Eiji-sempai, but he could still be a good friend.
Eiji-sempai sips away at his tea for a few more minutes; Momo watches the golden-brown liquid disappear between his lips until he rests the cup in his lap, his hands around it still shaking slightly, and looks down at it. His hair falls around his face and Momo can't see his eyes, but if the droplets falling into the cup are any indication, he's crumbling again. Momo is bold and wraps an arm around him, and, to his surprise, Eiji-sempai falls limp against him and breaks down entirely, sobbing weakly into his shoulder. After a few minutes of feeling Eiji-sempai's warmth and wetness soak into his t-shirt, however, Momo finally gives in and asks, in a soft murmur against Eiji-sempai's ear, "Eiji-sempai... what happened?"
"I'm sorry... Momo..." Eiji-sempai mumbles into Momo's shirt, and Momo shakes his head, rubbing his arm as comfortingly as he can. "I told you, Eiji-sempai, don't worry about it. I want to help."
Eiji-sempai swallows, sits up a little farther, looks up at Momo with a little half-laugh that's anything but humourous. "This time it's true," he sniffs, his voice rough with all the crying, "Oishi's dumped me."
Oh god, is all Momo can think. Oh, oh god.