(no subject)
wtf? i think im quitting drugs for real this time.. its making me more and more depressed. and i cant deal with more issues in my life right now. it only last a few hours and goes away then its back to reality where all the bullshit and waiting, and lies are. plus its wasting my money that i can be saving for other things. more important things. i dont even know what im talking about right now.. am i high? that line between sober and gone has been so faded here lately, im not completely sure that the past two weeks happened. im jus making myself happy for the moment on that shit, and it sucks commin down. crashin hard. i need something real, something i can feel physically and emotionally in my life to make me happy.. and i dont think thats gonna happen anytime soon, im so numb. im so fucking pissed at myself right now.. I CANT STOP, I JUS CANT STOP. omfg, what am i talking about drugs are good to me.. they give me my happiness, even if it is jus for a little while, i can jus get more and feel it again... wtf? im trippin out right now, i dont know whats goin on.. im so confused. i want to be held right now.. why wont anyone hold me? no bodys around, they all left me alone.. like always. wtf is wrong with me? i hate myself.. i must be doing something wrong for everyone to leave me.. their disgusted by me, i dont blame them. i woudl be too.. i make myself want to vomit everytime i look in the mirror. what have i become? is it what i wanted? NO, no its not.. im trying tho. oh so hard. i jus want to be me, and to be happy, but i cant get the happy part down right. wtf? i need to see something bleed...