Confused..about the way he feels.
Meh, I'm confused. . . Not about my own feelings, but someone else's. The guy thought that I may have been confused about how I feel. "You confused, too?" And he looked at me. I shrugged, because I didn't want to say yes..because I wasn't, about how I feel. I knew that I wanted that kiss. I had been wanting it forever. I knew I wanted to be with him. I knew exactly what I wanted. The only thing that confuses me, is how he feels. He's so lost on what to do. And I didn't want to tell him no, because I'd have to explain all of that. And I couldn't... He asked what I thought about the kiss, though, and I told him that I'd wanted it for a very long time, and now that it happened, my only words were Wow..and Amazing. He kind of sighed to that. It was so weird.. We kissed, and it was so sudden. And he pulled away, and asked himself what he was doing. And that part of him felt like it was alright, and part of him felt like it was wrong, for whatever reason. We'd be talking, or just be in pure silence, and we'd start kissing again. It was so intense, and awesome feeling. I felt sparks fly, but at the same time, I was thinking "who am I kidding myself?". I thought that it would be the only time that would ever happen, and now I think it may have even ruined our friendship. I wish that me and him could be together. It'd be so awesome, and unbelievable. What's even more odd about this whole thing, is that earlier that day, he told me to never fall for him, and if I already did, get over him. I made an excuse to throw something away in his room, because if I stayed there any longer, without a 20 second break, I'd end up exposing every feeling that I have and have had for him. He thought it was because I couldn't stand to look at him. And even closer to when we kissed, was when we were talking about true love's first kiss. I'd noticed that with every boyfriend I'd had, since I'd been good friends with him, I'd always compared them. Maybe that should tell me smoething. It shouldn't matter in the first place, though, because I don't think things are going to happen between me and him. I wish they would. I really do. I don't think he realizes how much I feel for him. I don't think it's possible that anyone could know how much I've always felt for him. Later that night, I tried calling him to apologize for what happened, since he said he had mixed feelings about it, and the conversation was so awkward and silent and different.. I feel like people may think I'm rushing into things by kissing someone already, when me and Bobby broke up last weekend or so...but I don't know if I'd call it that or not. I'd always liked this person. It just finally came out that night.
Anyway, I just really had to get all of that out, and his name remains anonymous.
Anyway, I just really had to get all of that out, and his name remains anonymous.