(no subject)
Hm...yeah, I feel like writing, so it's probably going to be a long entry, so either leave (if you don't have the patience) or bare with me.
Last night, I hung out with Jake, and he felt sick which sucked :(. I hope he's feeling better by now.. Anyway, we cuddled and watched all kinds of South Park episodes. Aren't we cool? :P
Then, I went home, and got online. I guess me and Ashlee kinda got into it with arguing. I feel bad, and stupid about it. She's awesome, and one of these times, she may just not forgive me. Which would suck, might I add. So, I went into my room, and just sat for an hour and half. I was just sitting there thinking to myself about all kinds of things. My head was asking questions one after another, and most were making me angry at myself. So, I ended up calling James, because I mean, I can always trust James no matter what. He's James. We were talking for a while, and I was basically ranting on and on about what I was feeling, and then, he got a beep. It was Bobby. He answered it, and found that Bobby isn't too happy with me. It kind of hurt, because I mean, he's pretty much been my best friend for the past 8ish months, and it's just...gone, like that. Never going to be the same again. I guess I'll live though. It happens.
After I got off the phone with James, I got online once again, and Jake was online. He was tellnig me that he didn't want to end up hurting me, and that he didn't deserve me, in a nutshell, which made me feel pretty bad. I wish I could give him more self-confidence in himself, because he doesn't see what a great guy he is, and he needs to!
It really gets to me how guys act soo different around their friends, and think they're all "cool" if they scold you or ignore you, but if they're alone, they are able to talk to you, or at least say hey with a smile on their face. That's what happened with Bobby today, and I'm not going to say that it didn't bother me..because it did. Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to get over him. It's just not that easy. I just feel sorta empty inside when I think about it, but if I try to think about other things, it won't seem as bad. There's always a brightside, I've been told, and I have to think that way :)
I *love* General Speech. I really hope that I can continue with speech type things throughout highschool. I find it really fun!
Hmm..I'm thinking about going to church on Sunday, but I don't know...I haven't gone in so long, you know? I really want to, but I'm scared of what people are going to say. "Oh..haven't seen you in a while. Where ya been?" or "why dont you ever come any more?" Things like that usually get me feeling guilty of some sort. I should go, though.
Gym confuses me. Today, I ran 2 1/4 miles, and I felt as if I could have ran a lot more, and I only walked curves. Now, if I'm running with people, it's a strain to even to 3 laps around the track, which isn't even a mile! Maybe I just get nervous about running in front of people? I don't know, but I erally would like to run more like I did today. Either that, or maybe I'm finally getting in shape! Hopefully. I hate being the least athletic person in my gym class, and always finishing last and end up walking. I have to get that desire back that I had last year, when I was in track!
Anyway, I think that I'm going to find something to do other than being on my computer, because I've been on here way too much.
Last night, I hung out with Jake, and he felt sick which sucked :(. I hope he's feeling better by now.. Anyway, we cuddled and watched all kinds of South Park episodes. Aren't we cool? :P
Then, I went home, and got online. I guess me and Ashlee kinda got into it with arguing. I feel bad, and stupid about it. She's awesome, and one of these times, she may just not forgive me. Which would suck, might I add. So, I went into my room, and just sat for an hour and half. I was just sitting there thinking to myself about all kinds of things. My head was asking questions one after another, and most were making me angry at myself. So, I ended up calling James, because I mean, I can always trust James no matter what. He's James. We were talking for a while, and I was basically ranting on and on about what I was feeling, and then, he got a beep. It was Bobby. He answered it, and found that Bobby isn't too happy with me. It kind of hurt, because I mean, he's pretty much been my best friend for the past 8ish months, and it's just...gone, like that. Never going to be the same again. I guess I'll live though. It happens.
After I got off the phone with James, I got online once again, and Jake was online. He was tellnig me that he didn't want to end up hurting me, and that he didn't deserve me, in a nutshell, which made me feel pretty bad. I wish I could give him more self-confidence in himself, because he doesn't see what a great guy he is, and he needs to!
It really gets to me how guys act soo different around their friends, and think they're all "cool" if they scold you or ignore you, but if they're alone, they are able to talk to you, or at least say hey with a smile on their face. That's what happened with Bobby today, and I'm not going to say that it didn't bother me..because it did. Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to get over him. It's just not that easy. I just feel sorta empty inside when I think about it, but if I try to think about other things, it won't seem as bad. There's always a brightside, I've been told, and I have to think that way :)
I *love* General Speech. I really hope that I can continue with speech type things throughout highschool. I find it really fun!
Hmm..I'm thinking about going to church on Sunday, but I don't know...I haven't gone in so long, you know? I really want to, but I'm scared of what people are going to say. "Oh..haven't seen you in a while. Where ya been?" or "why dont you ever come any more?" Things like that usually get me feeling guilty of some sort. I should go, though.
Gym confuses me. Today, I ran 2 1/4 miles, and I felt as if I could have ran a lot more, and I only walked curves. Now, if I'm running with people, it's a strain to even to 3 laps around the track, which isn't even a mile! Maybe I just get nervous about running in front of people? I don't know, but I erally would like to run more like I did today. Either that, or maybe I'm finally getting in shape! Hopefully. I hate being the least athletic person in my gym class, and always finishing last and end up walking. I have to get that desire back that I had last year, when I was in track!
Anyway, I think that I'm going to find something to do other than being on my computer, because I've been on here way too much.