A Breath away's not too far to where you are...
This semester is flying by!!! I was really depressed today because I got a B on a paper! That was almost grounds for me to drop out of college...I was really let down. I could've done better. Not to mention, since I can still get an A in the course, I'm really going to freak out about this final exam. I'm offically signed up for Film Lit. for the summer.I wonder how that class is going to roll...Exams are going to be the knife that plunges into my heart next week: I have Shakespeare, Philosophy, and Math all back to back on Tuesday. Those are the 3 exams that I'm most worried about and of course I get them back to back. AND my best friend got mad at me because I wanted to call into work and study on Monday...She said I was selfish, Although, I have not had ONE day off for that stupid job, nor will I probably ever take one...I was just really upset because she didn't even talk to me today, and of course...I had to call her, but she didn't even answer the phone. I guess that shows how important our friendship was...This week was crappy. My ex basically said that I was like a whore and hold hands and cuddle with all of my guy friends. That hurt, but I'm bouncing back from that. I have to say that while that did sting, I have decided that I'm just cutting that part of my life away. I'm so tired of the lies and rumors. I'm tired of crying and being depressed. I asked him to avoid me at schools, as I would do for him, because I just want to heal, Well...obviously I'm respected because he's just popping up everywhere where all of my classes are. That didn't help the whole I got in a fight with my best friend situation. And last night my parents hated me. At least that one's over. I should stop complaining. I'm just stressed. It sucks when it feels like there's no one in the world who cares. I thought about dying last night. Not killing myself, but I wondered why God couldn't just bless me with cancer. I'm sure things will get better, and I know that God has blessed me in alot of ways, I'm just going through a really confusing situation right now (and no, it's not about my breakup!) Last night, I had a dream about the guy who sexually abused me...I dreamed that he came on a church trip with us, and I didn't realize it until we were out of town...All I wanted to do was leave, but no one would take me away...I felt trapped, and I woke up feeling that way...Except since Jenny and I aren't talking, I had no one to talk about it with...I just had to resort to this...Anyways, that dream really scared me. I was really freaked out all day, and then with this guy calling me "just to say hi" and to plan another date...I'm just not sure. I'm really confused. I hope that God will give me some answers soon. Other than that, I've been making myself too busy to deal with the emotion by excessive hanging out or studying...although, tonight is the latter since I don't have a friend anymore...who needs people who care anyways.