PSL: Truth and lies
Cal wouldn't deny that part of him had wanted this from the very beginning. Having sex with him hadn't changed how he felt, hadn't sated the urge and let him move past it, it made it rise to the surface, harder to ignore. Now here they were, Eli playing the other half of the con with him as they worked their way into the porn production office, and
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It's more than Cal's ever openly admitted, that he's concerned for Eli's wellbeing, that it actually comes before other priorities of his. But this time, it does, because he sees in his face every time he pushes a little too far, when it's edging on a place Eli doesn't want to go. He's talking about taking him there, spanking him, tying him up, maybe choking him on camera. And for that, they need to have set limits, and a safe guard in place so Cal knows when it's beyond where Eli can handle.
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"Just you. I don't want.. anyone else touching me. I don't.. mind being on camera if it's just you."
He knows they do that in porn sometimes. People behind scenes to get the men hard. He doesn't know if it's different when it's like this, a couple making a porn tape with the studio, instead of actors and actresses that do this as a livelihood. He's a little nervous, but he's not letting Cal push him this time, so much as that he trusts Cal not to hurt him, not to let him get hurt. He knows what Cal's talking about, how far he's got them in with the things he talked about.
"Cal, I've never done of any of it. Anything, really. I don't know if I like it or what too much is."
He doesn't really know how the whole things with consensual nonconsent works, he's never really touched the lifestyle, aside from things he's heard about kinks in passing. It was part of why he'd never asked for more, because he does like it, the way it feels when Cal holds him down, the helplessness, the way that Cal takes that power in much a visceral way. He just doesn't really know how to talk about it, until now, now when they're in the middle of it.
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"That's fair," he says when Eli says he doesn't want anyone but Cal touching him. He knows what he's talking about, the people behind the scenes who keep men hard, who touch and adjust. They'd discussed it before, how whatever this is they're doing is mutually exclusive. Cal can't quite hide the little smile as he thinks of Eli making a point to mention it again, to make sure Cal knows this doesn't change that.
"I know," he says, "And just because we're doing this to get ahead in this case doesn't mean you need to let it go further than you want to. If it doesn't feel right, for whatever reason, you need to tell me that. We'll have a safe word, and you need to promise me you'll use it. It might actually tell us more about Donalds if we have to stop..." if he was involved, if he had done anything to Jason and had an appetite for doing more, some vulnerable Eli might arouse his interest.
Which in turn would make Cal unreasonably dedicated to bringing him down and protecting Eli, but that wasn't something to discuss with him now. They had to focus on what was directly in front of them.
"We could just use an easy safe word," he suggested, then. "Red for stop if you mean it, so you can say stop... even beg for me to stop... but I wouldn't unless you said red. It gives a definite line and leaves you room to resist..." he doesn't know how much about it Eli knows, if he's aware of the space between yes and no,
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He nods, agrees when Cal mentions safewords, and he promises he'll use it if he needs to. There's a faint edge of uncertainty, but it's more that he hasn't dabbled into this at all, that he doesn't know about what he wants, what Cal wants, how this all works.
"If it's too much, I'll say red." He cants his head to the side, leans in so he snuggles in a little against Cal's side and his voice softens, drops a little lower. "Do you want me to resist? To tell you to stop?"
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Cal loops an arm around Eli when he snuggles in, and it's not necessarily something he'd do normally, but this is a different situation. What they're going to do is going to push boundaries, definitely Eli's, but quite possibly Cal's as well. He doesn't know, he's never done this before either, not even a camera on a tripod in private, and he's not entirely convinced that this is the best arena to introduce Eli to kink, but on the other hand, he almost feels that with more people around he might be more prone to err on the side of safety and stopping too soon than letting it go too far, which is Cal's fear for if they were to do this alone.
Then Eli asks if he wants him to resist, to struggle and beg for him to stop, and Cal wasn't expecting the question. He's a little taken by it, and he feels as though he's obvious with his hesitation and the way his pupils dilate at the thought of Eli squirming and begging for him to stop. He's imagining him bent over his knee, spanking him, Eli unable to stop moving....
"Yeah, I do..." and unlike Eli, voice soft and low, Cal's is tight and reigned in, like he's afraid of giving away just how much he likes the idea of Eli struggling against him.
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"You want me to resist, as long as I don't mean it."
And that takes him a moment, and he's leaning in, because this is new and something he hadn't quite grasped before -- about himself, or about Cal. Because he wants this, maybe has wanted this. He wants the way that Cal holds him down. doesn't let up when he strains, until it gets onto ground that's a little uncertain. He wants that, wants to be able to say stop and have Cal not listen, and fuck, he never even thought about it before, not really, and he shivers.
"You wont stop, unless I say 'red'?" It's quiet, almost shy, because this is new ground, something he wishes they had time to test in Cal's bed, but they're not that lucky.
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He nods to answer his question, a soft, "Yeah," leaving no question as he rests his cheek against the top of Loker's head when he nuzzles in close. It's when Eli asks if he won't stop unless he says red that Cal really feels a tug, wonders if this is the best thing, considers calling it all off, because of how small and shy Eli sounds when he asks. They should do this the first time in private, they shouldn't put this on as a show to make headway on a case. It isn't fair to Eli. Cal's not the kind of person who's usually overly considerate, but this is different, it's more serious. This is one thing the job should never ask of you.
"I won't, no," then there's a pause, and he pulls away enough to see Eli's face, and he asks, "Are you sure you're alright with this? We can figure out another way to work the case if you're not."
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"Can we- can we stop by my place first?" His hand palming down Cal's chest, and it's sensual, quiet invitation. "Not there. I can do it, just... Not the first time. Not like that." He bites his lip, looks at Cal like he's worried about disappointing him, but he's honest. He's not sure he could, and there's a shake, presses his face into Cal's shoulder as he holds onto him.
The idea of it gets to him, something he can't quite explain. And maybe he's a little clingy right now, but, he's going to be tied up on camera for a studio where men go missing. He hopes that gives him a little room, here.
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"Sure you're going to be able to get it up later?" he teases as he slips a hand down between them, like he's going for a grope, but instead he playfully straightens Eli's over-the-top little vest with a wry grin. Cal isn't disappointed at all, not in the slightest, because this is something he can work into the story. It gets Eli some confidence about the scene, and it will leave them coming in freshly fucked, which will sell the angle of love-birds re-kindling a five year relationship with a punch of excitement.
"Let's go," he says, and heedless of the public environment, he steals a kiss from Loker and tastes that familiar chocolate flavor that lingers on his mouth after he has these lattes.
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He feels like he has to know, in order for this to work, be able to sell this lie, the con. They can't be clueless about each other's limits when they're supposed to have been in a relationship for five years. And, well, not like he'll ever turn down sex with Cal, especially not now, not with getting to explore this thing, restraints and safe words.
"Oh, I'm sure you can get me interested again..."
Eli murmurs, a coy smile as Cal toyed with the vest he was wearing. The one he hadn't wanted to wear, but now it had turned into something of a thing, his protests all playful and smiles. He kisses him back, with a murmur of agreement, slipping away from his body with a tug against Cal's hand, their hands with the wedding bands lacing together.
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If Eli has nothing else, he has ties, and that will work in a pinch. Cal can imagine bringing out some of those striped ties he pairs with his checked shirts, wants to wrap them around his wrists and pull his limbs tight and test to see where his limits lie.
He stood up, grabbing his coffee, and tugged Loker to his feet on the heels of that kiss and he starts to lead him out to the car. Once there, he takes directions from Eli on how to get there, and it's not long before they're crossing into Eli's apartment. Cal remembers that Eli talks about a roommate, and he glances around as if he might find him, and comments, "I certainly hope your roommate is at work..."
...because he had plans to make Eli intolerably loud for the next hour or so.
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"Yeah, for another few hours."
And they didn't have that much time to waste. He leads Cal through the place- it's small but quaint- living room, up the stairs to his bedroom. It's a little bit bigger than one might expect, with a nice desk and a large bed with dark blue sheets, a matching cover, a dresser. No pictures of any family, though there are a few small framed shots from the office, and the snowflake that Cal gave him. It's framed, set neatly on his desk.
"I don't have real restraints or anything," although he thinks Cal knows that.
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They never ended up talking about that, it was just a thing that happened. Cal had grabbed that specifically for Eli, and he was aware at the time he when he gave it to him that it didn't come off as too cheap to buy a real gift, but instead was blatantly sentimental. It was something he'd grabbed on the way out before the place collapsed under fire, something he didn't need to bother taking, probably shouldn't have, in favor of just getting himself out. But he had, because it meant something in that bunker, that despite circumstances that keep you away from home, from family and loved ones, you can still hold on to a feeling of closeness. That's what it is, it's not about recreating a white Christmas, it's about feeling a little closer to home. When Cal gave it to Eli, they were still boss and unpaid intern, they weren't yet a tentative thing, but Cal had hoped he'd get that it meant something like that, something like closeness even when circumstances are still keeping you apart.
They weren't apart now.
Cal touches the frame and pulls it closer along the desk, and looks at Eli, his expression quietly knowing. Eli had clearly gotten the message. He lets go of the frame and comes up to Eli and catches him in a kiss and he's got his hands on Eli's vest and he's using it to lead him back towards the bed, slowly, just a few steps, and then he pulls back.
"I know," he says, grinning up at Eli, eyes twinkling, and then he goes to the dresser and pulls the top drawer out and finds not ties but underwear, and after glancing back at him with a troublesome look on his face, tries again. He finds a shallow drawer with ties, neatly laid out, and picks two of his favorites. Maybe he'll need more, but he can come back, dip into the drawer of ties as needed, but two works for now. He loops them around his own neck and comes back for Eli, and the hands at his waist say he's trying to strip Eli down as he urges him towards the bed.
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But then Cal touches the frame, pulls it across the desk, and the way he looks at Eli feels more like understanding, maybe even approval. And then he's kissing him, and Eli's leaning into it, forgetting about the shoot for the moment, just focusing on Cal, the way their mouths touch, the warmth of being this close as Cal uses his vest to pull Eli back toward the bed. It's only a few paces, and then Cal's in his dresser, first finding his underwear, which makes Eli smile, and then Cal's tossing a few of Eli's ties around his neck before returning.
Hands at his waist, and Eli lets Cal push him back toward the bed, trying to be obliging as he slips out of the vest. Part of him just thinks that Cal likes him dressed up in vests and ties, but that's a theory for later. He leans down, trailing lips against Cal's jaw with a soft murmur. He wants this.
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The vest is off first, and Cal's got his pants undone and is pushing them down, off of his hips, wasting no time. Then he's undoing the pale pink shirt, a hint of an amused smile coming over his face just at the fact that Loker owned this shirt, had it in his closet, and still bitched about being "forced" to dress this way.
Eli's kissing his jaw, and Cal finishes with the buttons and is pushing his shirt down off of his arms, and he breathes, "Use the safe word if you need to." There's a harshness to his tone that says he'll know if he needs to use it and doesn't, he'll see it on his face. He waits for Eli to step out of his jeans and kick off his shoes, and he takes the time to hang his jacket on the back of Eli's desk chair before shucking off his t-shirt and dropping it carelessly. Jeans are on for now, because they are, because for now he wants Eli to be the one vulnerable, on display.
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He's out of his jeans, kicking off his shoes as his hands go to his briefs, slipping them down his hips, and then he's stepping out of those, as well. He looks up, and his eyes darken, desire that laces through him as he looks over Cal, stripped to the waist, gorgeous, and it sparks lust hard through him. He looks at Cal, and Eli's moving back, sitting on the bed, then laying back, sliding back so his legs don't dangle.
He's not sure what to say, and it catches his breath in his throat. He wants this, wants to try, wants to take those moments where Cal hold his hands down and let them be more. See where they go.
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