(no subject)
Friday, March 04, 2005
Currently Reading
The House of the Scorpion
By Nancy Farmer
see related
I'm fine now! I swear! I just had a little breakdown yesterday. Tomarrow I'll be competing in the TiVitz competition at the Mueseum of Science and Industry. Everyone come and see me!!!
Public - 9:08 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - edit it - email it
Thursday, March 03, 2005
I didn't go to school today. I didn't want to. I got up really early and took the 10 minute train ride downtown and just daydreamed. People keep complaining about the cold weather, which is probably why I like it so much. There is something about the icy Chicago weather that soothes me.I walked down Michagan and the frosty air reddend my already rosy cheeks. I thought about last year and all the people I swore I would never forget. It was like every time the wind hit me another memory would surface.I felt so relaxed. I got home at about 11am and everything quickly came to a halt. "Why arn't you in school!", she screamed. Of course she wouldn't understand I needed to take the day off, so I just didn't say anything. She then started bring up old things that I had tried to forget. Why do parents do that?? I'ts like you get in trouble and they bring up everything in your life you have ever done wrong! or maybe thats just my mom. She started yelling how she hated Cinda and Kitty and Tori and all the people she banned me from talking to....all the people I cared for....all the people I loved....love. She started to bring up things that had hinted my sexuality to her a while back. She started yelling how homosexuality was of satin and an abomination, how if i was lesbian or if i liked girls she would abandon me. And I know her, I know she would. I went to my room and closed the door and began to cry....I hate crying! rivers were pouring though. She started to mention my old journals she found and my notes and the rainbow neclace i got in springfeild with cinda that i treasured so much. So fast was my perfect little world ripped from me so fast. Everything was going so well but know I feel so empty. Everything hurts physically and emotionally. I can't move, I won't move. but yet I know tomarow I will have to attened that dredful school. The classes and teacher are fine its the people. I smile like nothing is wrong and I feel like such a phony. GODDESS WHEN WILL THIS END!!!!!!i mean is this another phase? am I another statistic? just another depressed teenager?My mom keeps saying things to me in Spanish like I know what the hell she is talking about....i don't think i want to know.I'm looking in the mirror and tears are still falling, Will i ever be happy? i ask myself. "Happiness is a state of mind", I say into the mirror, "and I think that state is fading away" I look into my hands and wish I could just jump in and start over..........
Public - 11:43 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Currently Playing
Happenstance
By Rachael Yamagata
see related
- Worn Me Down - - - -
*screams* these people and their relationships are really starting to get to me. I am tired of being single!!! I wish the girl of my dreams would come and sweep me off my feet!
Public - 5:23 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - edit it - email it
Currently Reading
The House of the Scorpion
By Nancy Farmer
see related
I'm fine now! I swear! I just had a little breakdown yesterday. Tomarrow I'll be competing in the TiVitz competition at the Mueseum of Science and Industry. Everyone come and see me!!!
Public - 9:08 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - edit it - email it
Thursday, March 03, 2005
I didn't go to school today. I didn't want to. I got up really early and took the 10 minute train ride downtown and just daydreamed. People keep complaining about the cold weather, which is probably why I like it so much. There is something about the icy Chicago weather that soothes me.I walked down Michagan and the frosty air reddend my already rosy cheeks. I thought about last year and all the people I swore I would never forget. It was like every time the wind hit me another memory would surface.I felt so relaxed. I got home at about 11am and everything quickly came to a halt. "Why arn't you in school!", she screamed. Of course she wouldn't understand I needed to take the day off, so I just didn't say anything. She then started bring up old things that I had tried to forget. Why do parents do that?? I'ts like you get in trouble and they bring up everything in your life you have ever done wrong! or maybe thats just my mom. She started yelling how she hated Cinda and Kitty and Tori and all the people she banned me from talking to....all the people I cared for....all the people I loved....love. She started to bring up things that had hinted my sexuality to her a while back. She started yelling how homosexuality was of satin and an abomination, how if i was lesbian or if i liked girls she would abandon me. And I know her, I know she would. I went to my room and closed the door and began to cry....I hate crying! rivers were pouring though. She started to mention my old journals she found and my notes and the rainbow neclace i got in springfeild with cinda that i treasured so much. So fast was my perfect little world ripped from me so fast. Everything was going so well but know I feel so empty. Everything hurts physically and emotionally. I can't move, I won't move. but yet I know tomarow I will have to attened that dredful school. The classes and teacher are fine its the people. I smile like nothing is wrong and I feel like such a phony. GODDESS WHEN WILL THIS END!!!!!!i mean is this another phase? am I another statistic? just another depressed teenager?My mom keeps saying things to me in Spanish like I know what the hell she is talking about....i don't think i want to know.I'm looking in the mirror and tears are still falling, Will i ever be happy? i ask myself. "Happiness is a state of mind", I say into the mirror, "and I think that state is fading away" I look into my hands and wish I could just jump in and start over..........
Public - 11:43 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Currently Playing
Happenstance
By Rachael Yamagata
see related
- Worn Me Down - - - -
*screams* these people and their relationships are really starting to get to me. I am tired of being single!!! I wish the girl of my dreams would come and sweep me off my feet!
Public - 5:23 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - edit it - email it