(no subject)
Just when I think it has passed everything comes back. I think it's because I am alone. Work today was not too bad. Being with Megan helped. But now I am alone, and I have nothing to do except to think and remember. I have nothing to focus on except the one thing that I have tried my hardest to suppress, and with that comes the guilt. I wonder if I am allowed to feel this way. I know I am. They are my feelings and I can't help them, but I wonder if it's just selfishness. Selfishness and guilt, the two worst combinations ever. I saw his girlfriend today. It was just for a brief second when she came to pick Meghan up from work. I saw her get out of the car and grab Meghan and hug her as tightly as she could, and I felt my heart sink into my chest. Maybe my sadness isn't because of the loss I feel, maybe it's because I see the affect of the loss on so many other people. I see how other people's lives will be be changed forever, and how they will never live another day without feeling a certain sting of pain.
And then I think of the millions of people who suffer losses every day, and how I never took a second out of my day to imagine what they were going through.
Maybe it is just selfishness, but it hurts all the same.
And then I think of the millions of people who suffer losses every day, and how I never took a second out of my day to imagine what they were going through.
Maybe it is just selfishness, but it hurts all the same.