Coronavirus
I haven't gotten sick yet, but what has happened is I have lost a lot of money on a once undervalued stock that has now hit the lowest price in it's 5 year history thanks to countrywide panic selling. Great. Just fantastic. So I'm waiting that out while people hoard toilet paper and other basic neccessities. Paranoia is rising. Our friend Chandra is in full blown panic mode. She is talking to David about wanting to gather supplies and leave the city for a secluded house out in the wilderness somewhere. She went off after I posted a humorous Facebook status saying I wanted to catch the Coronavirus just to get it out of the way.
I'm more nervous by people's reactions and am already feeling ramifications of that as my stock investment continues its absolute nosedive.
Personally, I don't think there's anything you can really do about this pandemic. There's precautions you can take, of course, but nothing is foolproof. So I'm trying to keep my wits and humor about me, despite feeling light feverish symptoms as I type out this entry. Hopefully it's just passing, or maybe I am getting my Facebook wish. We shall see. Regardless, it best back off, I have a deposition tomorrow in Staten Island I need to somehow make it to.
As for my personal bullshit, which is what you all really come here for: Ocasio and I are officially a couple but we're not putting much stock on the label. We're pushing 40 and decided to just keep moving forward the way we have been. We've had a few spats and resolutions so things haven't been perfect or too good to be true. It's frustrating but sort of calming that this isn't looking like a total crash and explosion waiting to happen like the honeymoon with Christine turned out to be (and is the standard for dealing with any narcissist or mentally ill person). Hopefully we can continue to grow and get better.
I haven't spoken to Mary Lee in nearly a month. I've been busy-ish and I assume she's been busy too. Regardless I told Ocasio that we resumed communicating, that I felt it appropriate that I fill her in on how my surgery and post surgery went and that we felt comfortable continuing to talk here and there. I was prepared for this to be a potential problem since she knew, as we were getting to know each other, that I was trying (but not yet able) to get past my feelings for Mary Lee. As such, it would make sense that Mary Lee would be seen as the biggest threat on the planet. And, there was also the possibility that she may show up to No Return again one of these days and with Ocasio being a new regular I wanted to go over that possibility.
My complication was explaining how I would want to be a little less "hands on" with her if that were to happen because I wouldn't want to appear like I was rubbing it in Mary Lee's face. But I also didn't want Ocasio to think I would act like that because long term romantic interest in Mary Lee still maintained and I didn't want to blow my shot at one day reconvening. Ocasio's main concern would be Mary Lee's reaction to her. I told her that if Mary Lee were sad or pissed off she wouldn't show it publicly. She'd be nice and cool and handle it in stride and then cry on her drive home. I don't want that to happen, obviously, but it speaks to a level of integrity that she has that many other people do not. For that reason I would do everything I could to make sure that that scenario doesn't have to play itself out.
Personally, I told her, even though I would want Mary Lee to feel welcome at No Return and would enjoy transitioning into a casual friendship with her I don't think she'd come. Before we were even dating she was extremely trepidatious about coming due to the possibility of a "Tinder date" being there or some cute goth girl hitting on me on the dancefloor. She didn't want to happen into that situation. I think that would be worse now with a nearly 5 month lay off. She has to know someone has entered into the picture, if only for a passing moment. And no, it doesn't matter if Mary Lee is dating someone right now. It would still sting. I'm trying to prevent any kind of dumpster fire. Ocasio handled it pretty well but said that she would probably prefer not having to come face to face with her anyway.
Typical my life nonsense. But things with Ocasio have been really sweet when they've gone well. Impractical Jokers marathons, lots of cuddling, laughing, and the sex is very intense. One of the things that really made me think about Mary Lee, and kind of laugh, is after I offered to give Ocasio money for the health drinks she bought me when I had a (non-coronavirus) fever and she said "No, that's fine. Rain check. You've always been really great with that." Despite Mary Lee's incessant claims I did, and had, put A LOT of effort into improving that area of my life. Trying to be more mindful and less neurotic. If Mary Lee wasn't so determined to always look for the absolute worst in me at all times she would have seen that and recognized that she had somebody that genuinely cared. Cared a lot and worked to make a difference. But she couldn't bring herself to do that and now someone else gets the opportunity to reap the benefits.
The main thing I need to be mindful of now is going hot and cold. Ocasio is very attuned to that and I recognize that while I'm not as prone as she thinks it's not an empty criticism and I do need to be more mindful if I find myself slipping into a cold spell and alternatively express what's bothering me instead. We're ALL works in progress. Having the strength and humility to admit that to yourself is the first step at becoming a better version.
wasz, ryan
I'm more nervous by people's reactions and am already feeling ramifications of that as my stock investment continues its absolute nosedive.
Personally, I don't think there's anything you can really do about this pandemic. There's precautions you can take, of course, but nothing is foolproof. So I'm trying to keep my wits and humor about me, despite feeling light feverish symptoms as I type out this entry. Hopefully it's just passing, or maybe I am getting my Facebook wish. We shall see. Regardless, it best back off, I have a deposition tomorrow in Staten Island I need to somehow make it to.
As for my personal bullshit, which is what you all really come here for: Ocasio and I are officially a couple but we're not putting much stock on the label. We're pushing 40 and decided to just keep moving forward the way we have been. We've had a few spats and resolutions so things haven't been perfect or too good to be true. It's frustrating but sort of calming that this isn't looking like a total crash and explosion waiting to happen like the honeymoon with Christine turned out to be (and is the standard for dealing with any narcissist or mentally ill person). Hopefully we can continue to grow and get better.
I haven't spoken to Mary Lee in nearly a month. I've been busy-ish and I assume she's been busy too. Regardless I told Ocasio that we resumed communicating, that I felt it appropriate that I fill her in on how my surgery and post surgery went and that we felt comfortable continuing to talk here and there. I was prepared for this to be a potential problem since she knew, as we were getting to know each other, that I was trying (but not yet able) to get past my feelings for Mary Lee. As such, it would make sense that Mary Lee would be seen as the biggest threat on the planet. And, there was also the possibility that she may show up to No Return again one of these days and with Ocasio being a new regular I wanted to go over that possibility.
My complication was explaining how I would want to be a little less "hands on" with her if that were to happen because I wouldn't want to appear like I was rubbing it in Mary Lee's face. But I also didn't want Ocasio to think I would act like that because long term romantic interest in Mary Lee still maintained and I didn't want to blow my shot at one day reconvening. Ocasio's main concern would be Mary Lee's reaction to her. I told her that if Mary Lee were sad or pissed off she wouldn't show it publicly. She'd be nice and cool and handle it in stride and then cry on her drive home. I don't want that to happen, obviously, but it speaks to a level of integrity that she has that many other people do not. For that reason I would do everything I could to make sure that that scenario doesn't have to play itself out.
Personally, I told her, even though I would want Mary Lee to feel welcome at No Return and would enjoy transitioning into a casual friendship with her I don't think she'd come. Before we were even dating she was extremely trepidatious about coming due to the possibility of a "Tinder date" being there or some cute goth girl hitting on me on the dancefloor. She didn't want to happen into that situation. I think that would be worse now with a nearly 5 month lay off. She has to know someone has entered into the picture, if only for a passing moment. And no, it doesn't matter if Mary Lee is dating someone right now. It would still sting. I'm trying to prevent any kind of dumpster fire. Ocasio handled it pretty well but said that she would probably prefer not having to come face to face with her anyway.
Typical my life nonsense. But things with Ocasio have been really sweet when they've gone well. Impractical Jokers marathons, lots of cuddling, laughing, and the sex is very intense. One of the things that really made me think about Mary Lee, and kind of laugh, is after I offered to give Ocasio money for the health drinks she bought me when I had a (non-coronavirus) fever and she said "No, that's fine. Rain check. You've always been really great with that." Despite Mary Lee's incessant claims I did, and had, put A LOT of effort into improving that area of my life. Trying to be more mindful and less neurotic. If Mary Lee wasn't so determined to always look for the absolute worst in me at all times she would have seen that and recognized that she had somebody that genuinely cared. Cared a lot and worked to make a difference. But she couldn't bring herself to do that and now someone else gets the opportunity to reap the benefits.
The main thing I need to be mindful of now is going hot and cold. Ocasio is very attuned to that and I recognize that while I'm not as prone as she thinks it's not an empty criticism and I do need to be more mindful if I find myself slipping into a cold spell and alternatively express what's bothering me instead. We're ALL works in progress. Having the strength and humility to admit that to yourself is the first step at becoming a better version.
wasz, ryan