Bang and Hang and Bureaucracy
Well, it was inevitable but developed way sooner than I thought. Mary Lee gave me a call to arms, or call to vagina, yesterday around 6pm and like Batman I answered the call. As I was grabbing my things around my room I kept saying, "This is a bad idea Ryan, this is not a healthy choice, don't be stupid," but I felt secure enough with my emotions and horny enough and definitely idle enough that I couldn't rightfully justify turning down some of the hottest sex I've ever experienced. I spoke to Lindsey on the way there like, hey, I've been a good kid. I haven't been needy, I've been amicable and brief and respectful and, most importantly, I deserve this. Right? She was like "deserve what, Ryan? Prolonging the ability to move on? What are you giving yourself exactly?" Like, thank you very much you killjoy who is guilty of caring about my emotions and general health.
It was a very interesting experience, though. Firstly, we both had some jitters, some nervous energy. We hadn't seen each other in roughly 3 weeks but I think what threw us a bit was that there was no guarantee when, or if, we'd see each other again. Considering all that happened less than a month isn't a massive stretch of time at all.
She was looking extremely hot, she had bangs now, she put on fishnets for me, and sexy leopard print underwear, and pulled me up against her almost immediately when I walked through the door. Our kisses were fresh, there was a renewed sense to them. When we made love it felt very throwback. Very late summer, early fall of 2018. When we both started to accidentally fall in love. Lots of caressing, deep kissing, tiny kisses, eye contact, deep breaths, moments of pause. The last time we had sex before this it was actually kind of boring for me, to be honest. I mean, she came about 8 times so she was obviously having a perfectly good time but there wasn't any emotional connection there. It was very utilitarian. Once we both came it was like OK, cool, have a good night. It was pretty dimestore generic brand fucking, at least on my end. I thrive off of emotional presence. And that was restored.
Things got a little weird as we laid next to each other, post-coital. Not in a bad way, necessarily, but just generally surprising for me. When I received a message from her on the 4th of July telling me what she was up to and she was thinking about last year's time together it was unexpected. I honestly felt like I was 100% in the rearview, that I had been in the rearview for pretty much all of 2019, and that there would be absolutely zero level of emotional attachment or fond memories or anything on her end. I assumed she probably had a new guy she had begun seeing and that she was mostly staying in contact out of general concern for my health. That was until her July 4th messages.
But she told me that our "Bang-o-versary" had passed and that she was considering messaging me and asking if I wanted to relive it with her. Starting at the Pyramid, heading to Sing Sing Karaoke, and then stumbling into Sister Midnight where we experienced our first kiss. I had no recollection as to what date that actually was, it hadn't occurred to me, much less expected that she would have considered doing a whole (literal) song and dance for it. I don't think I would have gone if she asked me, it was a very romantic idea and as such would have been very emotionally confusing. Still, it was a nice sentiment.
I glanced over her shoulder as she was telling this to me and I noticed that my business card and Valentine's day card to her were still tucked together in her mirror. Very possible she just forgot to take them down and trash them or maybe she liked having them there.
We did a walk around JC Heights after that and she told me that had watched our last No Return party through Janssen's livestream, which I found surprising as I know she's not a huge fan of our party and basically only went to be supportive of me. We wandered around for awhile, looking for a playground with swings, and settled on one on the heels of a mother and her kid in search of lost keys. We swung for a bit, then joined the fruitless key hunt, until a cop came and tried to intimidate us out of the park. The journey then rounded back to her place, taking turns cuddling into each other on the street, and even holding hands for brief moments. We didn't feel like a couple that had recently broken up. Nor did we feel like a couple people getting together again just to get our rocks off.
We watched the pilot episode of Stranger Things 3 and then had another intense fuck session. It was even more intense than the first time. We were both very emotionally in sync and I could read her, probably as much as she could read me, that it was the type of sex that if we were coupled up an "I love you" would have crept out. We both knew it, we were very much aware at the state the other was at. This was confirmed when, afterward, she very assertively stated "Big rule of sex: You feel like you love someone but it's just the euphoria of the pleasure tricking you into thinking that" in response to her own question of what makes our sex so good? At the time the comment kind of struck a nerve with me, not because I wanted to say I love you, or that I thought that was healthy, or that I wanted to make something unworkable work, but because, while that could be true, that was never just the case with us.
Our sex got increasingly better and more intense because we became so emotionally heightened with each other. It's why every time I entered her it felt like the first time, there would be this look of "Whoa, wow" on our faces every time I settled in. It's why she asked me to cum inside of her once while she was on her period. Human connection plays a huge part in how far a sexual experience takes you. Because so much of it is required to be in the moment. If you have an intense appreciation for the person you're with every moment feels better because there isn't a second that's lost on you. Every kiss, thrust, press of chests against each other, passing eye contact, smirk, feels like a blessing. You're honored to be allowed into her body and she, whomever that she may be, is capable of reading that very easily. Obviously I cannot speak from the woman's experience but I imagine if I let a man inside of me and I felt that he treasured the experience, that he touched me like I actually meant something, that I had value, it would probably elevate my presence in the experience.
It's why, despite the physicality of the actual sex not being much different, our previous time was "meh" for me and this time was like "One great step for man, one great step for mankind". But it was fine. She didn't want me to feel carried away, she didn't want to put more than the absolute minimal amount of stock into it, and it was late and time for bed. She drove me home this morning and she was much more hyper focused get out of my way all business Mary Lee that I'm more accustomed to. She checked out my new digs and suggested she come over one of these days and help me get some of my chaos in order. Boxes and boxsprings and garbage couch pieces oh my!
I told our friend about it but said things were casual and fine and we don't appear to be hopping on the lovetrain anytime soon, or ever, but that it was nice. It was nice to see that she hadn't disconnected from me entirely, and if anything remained more connected than either of us.
Meanwhile, dealing with Compass group (catering) and my attorneys has been an absolutely fucking nightmare and I was playing phone tag today to absolutely no success. I also still need to figure out how to bring my real estate website together, which requires broker approval, IDX platform approval, and a substantial financial investment. It's an absolutely fucking shitshow. All of it. It's going to be a difficult July but I am glad to at least be able to work now. I went to a fitting today and it took an entire HOUR for them to cut my hair. That's how overdue for a haircut I was. Yes, seriously. I've got work next Tuesday for some nonsense period piece called "The Plot Against America". Hopefully it's like a 16 hour shoot because I am going to need every penny I can get this month.
wasz, ryan
It was a very interesting experience, though. Firstly, we both had some jitters, some nervous energy. We hadn't seen each other in roughly 3 weeks but I think what threw us a bit was that there was no guarantee when, or if, we'd see each other again. Considering all that happened less than a month isn't a massive stretch of time at all.
She was looking extremely hot, she had bangs now, she put on fishnets for me, and sexy leopard print underwear, and pulled me up against her almost immediately when I walked through the door. Our kisses were fresh, there was a renewed sense to them. When we made love it felt very throwback. Very late summer, early fall of 2018. When we both started to accidentally fall in love. Lots of caressing, deep kissing, tiny kisses, eye contact, deep breaths, moments of pause. The last time we had sex before this it was actually kind of boring for me, to be honest. I mean, she came about 8 times so she was obviously having a perfectly good time but there wasn't any emotional connection there. It was very utilitarian. Once we both came it was like OK, cool, have a good night. It was pretty dimestore generic brand fucking, at least on my end. I thrive off of emotional presence. And that was restored.
Things got a little weird as we laid next to each other, post-coital. Not in a bad way, necessarily, but just generally surprising for me. When I received a message from her on the 4th of July telling me what she was up to and she was thinking about last year's time together it was unexpected. I honestly felt like I was 100% in the rearview, that I had been in the rearview for pretty much all of 2019, and that there would be absolutely zero level of emotional attachment or fond memories or anything on her end. I assumed she probably had a new guy she had begun seeing and that she was mostly staying in contact out of general concern for my health. That was until her July 4th messages.
But she told me that our "Bang-o-versary" had passed and that she was considering messaging me and asking if I wanted to relive it with her. Starting at the Pyramid, heading to Sing Sing Karaoke, and then stumbling into Sister Midnight where we experienced our first kiss. I had no recollection as to what date that actually was, it hadn't occurred to me, much less expected that she would have considered doing a whole (literal) song and dance for it. I don't think I would have gone if she asked me, it was a very romantic idea and as such would have been very emotionally confusing. Still, it was a nice sentiment.
I glanced over her shoulder as she was telling this to me and I noticed that my business card and Valentine's day card to her were still tucked together in her mirror. Very possible she just forgot to take them down and trash them or maybe she liked having them there.
We did a walk around JC Heights after that and she told me that had watched our last No Return party through Janssen's livestream, which I found surprising as I know she's not a huge fan of our party and basically only went to be supportive of me. We wandered around for awhile, looking for a playground with swings, and settled on one on the heels of a mother and her kid in search of lost keys. We swung for a bit, then joined the fruitless key hunt, until a cop came and tried to intimidate us out of the park. The journey then rounded back to her place, taking turns cuddling into each other on the street, and even holding hands for brief moments. We didn't feel like a couple that had recently broken up. Nor did we feel like a couple people getting together again just to get our rocks off.
We watched the pilot episode of Stranger Things 3 and then had another intense fuck session. It was even more intense than the first time. We were both very emotionally in sync and I could read her, probably as much as she could read me, that it was the type of sex that if we were coupled up an "I love you" would have crept out. We both knew it, we were very much aware at the state the other was at. This was confirmed when, afterward, she very assertively stated "Big rule of sex: You feel like you love someone but it's just the euphoria of the pleasure tricking you into thinking that" in response to her own question of what makes our sex so good? At the time the comment kind of struck a nerve with me, not because I wanted to say I love you, or that I thought that was healthy, or that I wanted to make something unworkable work, but because, while that could be true, that was never just the case with us.
Our sex got increasingly better and more intense because we became so emotionally heightened with each other. It's why every time I entered her it felt like the first time, there would be this look of "Whoa, wow" on our faces every time I settled in. It's why she asked me to cum inside of her once while she was on her period. Human connection plays a huge part in how far a sexual experience takes you. Because so much of it is required to be in the moment. If you have an intense appreciation for the person you're with every moment feels better because there isn't a second that's lost on you. Every kiss, thrust, press of chests against each other, passing eye contact, smirk, feels like a blessing. You're honored to be allowed into her body and she, whomever that she may be, is capable of reading that very easily. Obviously I cannot speak from the woman's experience but I imagine if I let a man inside of me and I felt that he treasured the experience, that he touched me like I actually meant something, that I had value, it would probably elevate my presence in the experience.
It's why, despite the physicality of the actual sex not being much different, our previous time was "meh" for me and this time was like "One great step for man, one great step for mankind". But it was fine. She didn't want me to feel carried away, she didn't want to put more than the absolute minimal amount of stock into it, and it was late and time for bed. She drove me home this morning and she was much more hyper focused get out of my way all business Mary Lee that I'm more accustomed to. She checked out my new digs and suggested she come over one of these days and help me get some of my chaos in order. Boxes and boxsprings and garbage couch pieces oh my!
I told our friend about it but said things were casual and fine and we don't appear to be hopping on the lovetrain anytime soon, or ever, but that it was nice. It was nice to see that she hadn't disconnected from me entirely, and if anything remained more connected than either of us.
Meanwhile, dealing with Compass group (catering) and my attorneys has been an absolutely fucking nightmare and I was playing phone tag today to absolutely no success. I also still need to figure out how to bring my real estate website together, which requires broker approval, IDX platform approval, and a substantial financial investment. It's an absolutely fucking shitshow. All of it. It's going to be a difficult July but I am glad to at least be able to work now. I went to a fitting today and it took an entire HOUR for them to cut my hair. That's how overdue for a haircut I was. Yes, seriously. I've got work next Tuesday for some nonsense period piece called "The Plot Against America". Hopefully it's like a 16 hour shoot because I am going to need every penny I can get this month.
wasz, ryan