fears
Sometimes Ivan feels fear.
It's not like the regular feeling of afraid he has whenever Natalia is around-he'd still imagine his younger sister holding a knife lovingly while trembling with obsession, even though she actually doesn't hold the knife and doesn't tremble that often. It's also different from when Yekaterina does something clumsily to the point she cries and he cannot sit down and think calmly, although Yekaterina doesn't always cry. Sure he, as a human being-apart from also a personification of a strong nation, does still think everything sharp can kill him.
He's been living since forever. He may look intimidating and unbreakable, but he's been living long enough. He's been through all the shit his own life gives him, such as deathly cold winter, bloody revolutions, being fallen apart, and so on. So on. So many he nearly loses count and grows numb. These things are so dreadful he needs to imagine being in the middle of a sunflower field to distract his thought. The bright yellow of the sunflower and the sunny weather calm him, despite the interior of the Kremlin has the similar kind of yellow.
Ivan is required to adapt nearly damn everytime. His boss changed so many times. They came from so many different backgrounds and had different traits. They could be sometimes cruel. They could be sometimes not. He knows his current boss and all of his previous bosses love him but the way they show it is often different. It sometimes involves the Russian people-his people, for fuck's sake. But he just knows.
The man thanks the General Winter for teaching him all he needs to know and requires to be; it makes him easier to adapt to his surrounding. He learned how to survive in Siberia. He learned how to use every kind of weapons. He learned how to handle wars. He learned how to win in every situation in order to protect his people. Rough, ruthless, and fearful, but still Ivan admires him-though probably God loves the later more.
Yet it's not the persons mentioned he feels fear to.
He fears death. He really does. He fears someday he will lose trust from his people and he couldn't protect them anymore. He fears leaving his sisters, his only family, behind. He fears of disappointing his nation and being fallen apart with it, seeing that the burden of carrying the nation itself is huge. He fears moving forward-towards something totally unpredictable-alone.
It feels ironically funny that he, as a manifestation of a country, has the exactly same fear as a human being. He is nearly always alone but actually despises it. He has experienced revolution so many times and ended up having so many-too many-scars, yet none of his family nor his people feels disappointed and leaves.
These all just worsens his feeling.
So Ivan tries to calm himself by trying to plant sunflowers in the yard located just behind his house. The weather is still cold, but at least warmer than winter. He smiles when he's done planting six sunflower seeds arranged in a row. He goes back into the house to clean himself from the dirt-the contrast color it makes from being compared to his pale complexion realizes him it's really dirty indeed.
After cleaning himself, the phone rings when Ivan just begins to prepare making coffee. His platinum hair wiggles along with him walking to answer the phone.
"Hello?"
"Good afternoon, Ivan," the caller sounds charismatic and Ivan really can hear him smiles. It's his boss, after all. "May I take your time for a second?"
Ivan immediately sounds like he is in work mode. "Good afternoon, and yes, you may, Sir."
Very far away, the boss sounds quite relieved, despite the tone is firm. "Do you have some free time? I need to go to several meeting and-" he pauses, "-I want you to handle some of them. I wish not to involve you fully but I think this might be really efficient and really effective."
The nation's personification feels disappointed and, at the very same time, offended. His boss doesn't even to believe in him to just handle meetings. Fucking meetings.
This grows back the fears he has been feeling since he doesn't even know when.
"May I firstly ask the reason why you wished not to involve me?"
His boss quietly gasps, but he still can hear it. "Ivan, you sometimes need to rest!" The tone rises and he instantly feels regret having his offended feeling being shown up, "I'm terribly sorry if I offend you."
"No, I should be the one who's sorry for taking it negatively," Ivan smiles, although he doesn't know if actually his boss can hear it or not. At least he confessed he felt genuinely sorry. After all, his boss really loves him and is being thoughtful. When his boss doesn't say anything for a few seconds, he continues, "So, what time I should come?"
After being given the detail information, Ivan immediately prepares himself-undoing the coffee making preparation, changing clothes, and bringing several things he can bring to work. When he's ready, he makes sure the door's locked and he's off the way to the Kremlin.
The work really takes some time apparently. It costs several days of Ivan's holiday. Really takes some time the planted sunflower seeds become forgotten.
.
disclaimer: Hetalia - Axis Powers belongs to Hidekazu Himaruya.
It's not like the regular feeling of afraid he has whenever Natalia is around-he'd still imagine his younger sister holding a knife lovingly while trembling with obsession, even though she actually doesn't hold the knife and doesn't tremble that often. It's also different from when Yekaterina does something clumsily to the point she cries and he cannot sit down and think calmly, although Yekaterina doesn't always cry. Sure he, as a human being-apart from also a personification of a strong nation, does still think everything sharp can kill him.
He's been living since forever. He may look intimidating and unbreakable, but he's been living long enough. He's been through all the shit his own life gives him, such as deathly cold winter, bloody revolutions, being fallen apart, and so on. So on. So many he nearly loses count and grows numb. These things are so dreadful he needs to imagine being in the middle of a sunflower field to distract his thought. The bright yellow of the sunflower and the sunny weather calm him, despite the interior of the Kremlin has the similar kind of yellow.
Ivan is required to adapt nearly damn everytime. His boss changed so many times. They came from so many different backgrounds and had different traits. They could be sometimes cruel. They could be sometimes not. He knows his current boss and all of his previous bosses love him but the way they show it is often different. It sometimes involves the Russian people-his people, for fuck's sake. But he just knows.
The man thanks the General Winter for teaching him all he needs to know and requires to be; it makes him easier to adapt to his surrounding. He learned how to survive in Siberia. He learned how to use every kind of weapons. He learned how to handle wars. He learned how to win in every situation in order to protect his people. Rough, ruthless, and fearful, but still Ivan admires him-though probably God loves the later more.
Yet it's not the persons mentioned he feels fear to.
He fears death. He really does. He fears someday he will lose trust from his people and he couldn't protect them anymore. He fears leaving his sisters, his only family, behind. He fears of disappointing his nation and being fallen apart with it, seeing that the burden of carrying the nation itself is huge. He fears moving forward-towards something totally unpredictable-alone.
It feels ironically funny that he, as a manifestation of a country, has the exactly same fear as a human being. He is nearly always alone but actually despises it. He has experienced revolution so many times and ended up having so many-too many-scars, yet none of his family nor his people feels disappointed and leaves.
These all just worsens his feeling.
So Ivan tries to calm himself by trying to plant sunflowers in the yard located just behind his house. The weather is still cold, but at least warmer than winter. He smiles when he's done planting six sunflower seeds arranged in a row. He goes back into the house to clean himself from the dirt-the contrast color it makes from being compared to his pale complexion realizes him it's really dirty indeed.
After cleaning himself, the phone rings when Ivan just begins to prepare making coffee. His platinum hair wiggles along with him walking to answer the phone.
"Hello?"
"Good afternoon, Ivan," the caller sounds charismatic and Ivan really can hear him smiles. It's his boss, after all. "May I take your time for a second?"
Ivan immediately sounds like he is in work mode. "Good afternoon, and yes, you may, Sir."
Very far away, the boss sounds quite relieved, despite the tone is firm. "Do you have some free time? I need to go to several meeting and-" he pauses, "-I want you to handle some of them. I wish not to involve you fully but I think this might be really efficient and really effective."
The nation's personification feels disappointed and, at the very same time, offended. His boss doesn't even to believe in him to just handle meetings. Fucking meetings.
This grows back the fears he has been feeling since he doesn't even know when.
"May I firstly ask the reason why you wished not to involve me?"
His boss quietly gasps, but he still can hear it. "Ivan, you sometimes need to rest!" The tone rises and he instantly feels regret having his offended feeling being shown up, "I'm terribly sorry if I offend you."
"No, I should be the one who's sorry for taking it negatively," Ivan smiles, although he doesn't know if actually his boss can hear it or not. At least he confessed he felt genuinely sorry. After all, his boss really loves him and is being thoughtful. When his boss doesn't say anything for a few seconds, he continues, "So, what time I should come?"
After being given the detail information, Ivan immediately prepares himself-undoing the coffee making preparation, changing clothes, and bringing several things he can bring to work. When he's ready, he makes sure the door's locked and he's off the way to the Kremlin.
The work really takes some time apparently. It costs several days of Ivan's holiday. Really takes some time the planted sunflower seeds become forgotten.
.
disclaimer: Hetalia - Axis Powers belongs to Hidekazu Himaruya.