The death of a father (the birth of another)
Written for the ag_fics 1st short challenge.
Title: The death of a father (the birth of another)
Themes and/or Prompt/s Cancelled (cancel out), Catharsis
Rating: PG
Word count: 3493
Characters/Pairings: Arthur/Gwen, brief appearance by Merlin and Gaius, minor OCs
Spoilers/Warnings: Character death (if the title doesn't give it away!).
Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin, despite all the wishin' and prayin'.
Summary: After a terrible loss, Arthur is dealing alone and Guinevere looks for ways to help him.
It is in the middle of Arthur’s first year of rule as Prince Regent that Uther dies.
“My lady, my lady!” Mary burst into her chambers. The young maidservant was sprightly and impulsive, but she wouldn’t have entered Guinevere’s chambers without knocking first, and that alarmed her instantly.
“What is it, Mary?” Guinevere asked, hearing the irritation in her voice and chiding herself for it, yet unable to curb it.
“It’s t-the King.” She let out in a rushed breath, and in the next instant, Guinevere was running, picking up her skirts along the way to ease her journey to the Eastern part of the castle.
After Arthur and his knights had regained control of Camelot, King Uther had been moved back to his old chambers, but upon finding him huddled in a corner of his bedroom three mornings in a row with bloodshot eyes, Arthur had requested that another wing of the castle be fitted out for his father. Uther seemed more comfortable in his new surroundings, and he was able to rest there. Since his rescue, Uther had been in a near permanent state of catatonia, not able to feed or dress himself alone.
Camelot was in shambles after Morgana’s ill-fated attempt at reign when Arthur took over the kingdom. Responsibilities were instantly thrust upon his shoulders, and though he had been training and preparing for that day as natural and legitimate heir, the sudden onslaught of that burden and its mighty weight was a bit much to take. Of course Arthur played the part of the strong, confident ruler to the letter, sure of every decision he made, but she knew that in spite of the bravado he displayed, in the privacy of their chambers, he pondered incessantly over the choices he’d made during the day. He asked for her opinion quite a few times, but Guinevere knew that it wasn’t her counsel that he needed.
So she’d advised him to talk to his father; as mute as Uther was, she reasoned that he would react if he truly believed Arthur was making the wrong decisions for the people. He had never hesitated to do so, before, and Arthur didn’t doubt the soundness of her judgment. Thus started his late night visits with his father; the first few times he’d attempted this course of action, he had been a fiddle-footed, nervous mess when he came back to their quarters. He had even griped that it was useless, Uther never giving any sign that he was hearing his son.
Nevertheless, she had encouraged him to continue, aware that having his father as an ear certainly could be the way to deal with his feelings towards Uther; she knew that it could be cathartic in a way he’d never expect or acknowledge. Just yesterday, he had walked into their chambers with glee etched on his features. He had gladly informed of the cause for his good mood. She could still vividly remember their conversation.
“And then, as I am telling him about the initiative to build a second well on the far East side of the lower town, he raised his hand.” Arthur animatedly gestured and he turned to look at her. “He raised his hand as if he hadn’t spent weeks not speaking. He looked at me, Guinevere and it felt like he was looking at me, for the first time since he was rescued.”
“That is wonderful news, Arthur!” She exclaimed, meaning every word.
He took slow steps towards the bed where she was, staring at her all the way. “He also said that I didn’t need his approval, and that he’d never been prouder of me. He apologized for everything he’d done wrong or failed to do.”He reached her, curving his hand around the shell of her ear. “And then he asked to drink…tea.”He delivered dryly, almost dejectedly and she chuckled.
“It is a good sign that he is on the road to full recovery.” She returned his grin.
“Well, it gives me hope that he can resume his position as King. That would leave me free to go back to doing the things I enjoy the most: training my Knights and spending more time with my beautiful wife.”
Uther hadn’t been a factor before, during and after their wedding ceremony, and given their history, Guinevere had expected that the simple announcement that they were to wed would be enough to rouse him out of his enduring stupor.
“Well, I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to that.” She smiled at him coquettishly and he pounced on her, tipping her into the bed and smothering her giggles with kisses.
That was only yesterday. How drastically could things have changed overnight? There were two guards outside the King’s door, as well as Sir Leon and the worry he sported was enough for her to slow her steps. When she entered the room, Merlin and Henri, the King’s manservant met her eyes, but they were the only ones; Gaius was kneeling over Uther’s prostrate form and Arthur was quietly observing him from a chair facing the bed, both hands clasped underneath his chin.
“What happened?”
“I walked in like every morning, and I threw open the blinds, and I greeted him. Usually he opens his eyes when the blinds are opened and he didn’t. I-I tried to wake him and I,I couldn’t, my lady.” Henry said, obviously still upset.
She could see Gaius from her vantage point, and he straightened up, his face a somber mask. He turned to Arthur, his mouth set in a tight line.
“I’m sorry, Sire; there is nothing I can do. He is gone.”
It was all too still suddenly, as if they had collectively held their breath, the weight of the words sinking into their consciousness and rippling through them, one at a time.
“Is there any sign of magic causing this?” Arthur said, staring at Gaius expectantly.
“No Sire, I don’t believe magic was involved; he went in his sleep.”
She stole a quick glance at her father-in-law, noting absentmindedly that his face showed no sign of distress; if anything, he looked…at peace.
“Thank you Gaius. Please do what is necessary. I will make the announcement at court today.” Arthur stood up stiffly. He looked at her, his eyes pained in a way that broke her heart, and she almost forsake propriety to run to him and wrap him in her arms, but the way he held himself told her that he wouldn’t welcome it. Not in public, at least.
So she contained herself, keeping her emotions at bay, much like he did, vowing to find a time to offer him the comfort she knew he desperately needed.
That time kept eluding her day after day. Despite his flaws, Uther was a king much appreciated by his peers, so messengers were dispatched to far-off lands to relay the news of his passing. Many of them came back with express wishes from the royal families to attend the King’s burial. Readying the castle for the masses of foreign dignitaries that would be coming was a long and arduous task, which took up almost all of her time. Arthur was now fully engaged and committed to resolving the matters affecting his people, so they only met briefly during the day for lunch and given the erratic hours his schedule kept, sometimes they were not even able to break bread. He came to bed long after she’d fallen asleep and his side was often cold when she stirred awake in the morning.
She had to admit that she was keeping a more leisure schedule herself, taking more time to awaken and move around than she used to, due to the tiredness she was experiencing. It was in the middle of the preparations that she’d noticed the queasy feeling that would seize her stomach throughout the day, but it was so unimportant an affliction in view of everything they had to accomplish, in a short period of time that she didn’t bother to stop by Gaius’s chambers.
The kings and nobles arrived one after the other, some greeting her with veiled disdain, others with barely concealed lust, yet others were cordial, addressing warm smiles to her. The lady Vivian nearly made a spectacle of herself, her father barely being able to restrain her, so great were her outrage and fury over her love marrying another.
The funeral happened, much too quickly in her opinion; the oration was short and King Uther was laid to rest in the Pendragon mausoleum, a carved stone effigy of him placed upon his grave. Ygraine was buried next to him, and Guinevere thought to herself that she’d never learnt much about Arthur’s mother; however it wasn’t from unwillingness on Arthur’s part, he just didn’t have a lot of knowledge to share. And now the one who knew the most had taken his knowledge to the grave. She knew how painful it was to be without a mother, but the fact that she had memories to cherish made her loss a bit easier. She could not imagine not knowing her child or any child of hers not knowing her; hopefully, she would never have to.
The wave of dizziness that snuck up on her was so strong that she faltered where she stood, and Merlin, who was standing to her right, supported her with his arms, throwing her a worried look. He didn’t let go until the end of the proceedings, when they stepped outside, and she welcomed the fresh air that greeted them.
“Are you feeling okay, Guinevere?” His blue eyes looked over her form carefully.
She waved off his concerns. “I’m fine, Merlin. Besides, honestly, I don’t believe I’m the one you need to be worried about now.” Merlin followed her eyes, over to the corner where Arthur stood, talking with each king and each dignitary one after the other. The tension in his shoulders was apparent from where she stood. He looked up then, scanning the crowd for her and when their eyes met, she smiled briefly, which caused the perpetual frown on his face to fade for a second, before yet another noble stepped up to speak with him.
“How do you think he is doing?”
“I do not know, for we have not discussed it.”Aside from Guinevere, Merlin was Arthur’s most trusted confidant, which meant that he should have entrusted his feelings with one of them.
“We have not either.”Merlin hesitated before phrasing his next question. “Do you think he thinks we are glad for Uther’s death?”At Gwen’s horrified expression, he stammered. “I’m not saying that we are, I’m just saying that Arthur could be thinking it, and truth be told, he was not my favorite person, nor was he yours. Neither one of us would have minded his being gone and Arthur taking his rightful place on the throne.”
Guinevere considered Merlin’s words. Of all the changes Arthur had instituted, the biggest two had had to do with her and with Merlin: successively the announcement of their betrothal, and the removal of the ban on magic and subsequent abolition of the relative laws. Once Merlin had revealed the many and varied ways in which he had saved Arthur’s life using magic, Arthur was grateful to his servant for being there at crucial times, yet furious that Merlin had kept so many secrets for so long. It took some time for him to accept the truth; well, that and the creature - which they later learnt was a chimera- that appeared out of thin air one morning in the Council room, clearly set on killing Arthur, which Merlin made disappear with a flick of his hand. Having a wizard as a best friend/servant certainly had its advantages. Arthur eventually came to realize that Merlin was the opportunity to bridge the gap between him and the magical beings who roamed around the kingdom. Appointing Merlin as Official Court Sorcerer seemed like the logical thing to do, especially when Arthur knew that Merlin would take it upon himself to regulate the use of magic throughout the kingdom. He was the best ambassador Arthur could have hoped for.
For these reasons -and others- the nobles present for Uther’s burial couldn’t seem to keep their eyes off them, the odd couple, the former servant girl about to be Queen and the former man servant turned esteemed member of the Council.
“You have to know, Merlin that despite all the wrongs that were inflicted upon me by Uther’s hand, I never would have wished for Arthur to lose his father. I know all too well the pains that come with being an orphan.” She replied soberly and he nodded.
“I know.” He turned pensive as well, before lifting his head up. “In any case, I think you should see Gaius and have him give you something for that dizziness spell.”
“I will do.”
The majority of the royal families opted to leave Camelot straightaway, undoubtedly to return and ensure they still had a kingdom to rule. After seeing the visitors off all afternoon, it was pretty late when Guinevere was finally able to stop by the Court Physician’s chambers; it was even later when she emerged. The halls were almost deserted when she finally made her way back to her chambers, her feet leading the way automatically, but her mind elsewhere entirely. She was still too stunned…Gaius was positive, this was to be a ailment that would evolve and keep evolving for another seven months.
She wondered about Arthur’s reaction: would he be happy? Would he allow himself to be happy, in this time of sorrow? She naively hoped that this news could brighten up his features, allow the indifferent mask he’d so carefully constructed to slide away; she only wished that it could dull the intensity of his suffering, and maybe, just for a moment, that the positive could cancel out the negative, if only for a moment.
She’d already dismissed Mary from her service, so she was preparing herself for some time alone, a quiet dinner and an even quieter night. She was not prepared for the sight that greeted her when she walked into the chambers she shared with Arthur. Her husband whipped around, a hand already swiping at his face, the beginnings of a scowl marring his features, scolding words already on his lips when he realized that it was her. The façade crumbled almost instantly and he couldn’t help the restrained sob that escaped him.
“Arthur?” She looked to him.
“He’s really gone, Guinevere.”
She ran to him then, enveloping him in her arms. “I know, Arthur. I’m so sorry. ” She allowed him to burrow deeper in their embrace, hoping that she was providing the comfort that he needed. His body was wracked by muffled sobs, his shoulders shaking hopelessly; sometime later, she maneuvered them to sit down on the bed and slowly, his tears subsided. When they had stopped coming entirely, he pulled back to look at her.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to burden you-”
“It’s quite alright, Arthur.”She threaded her fingers lightly through the hair at his nape. “I am your wife after all, it would have smarted if you had chosen another to share this with. Well, except for Merlin.” She joked and the right corner of his mouth lifted in a poor imitation of his trademark smirk. Yet he remained pensive.
“All day long, I heard from the nobles about the type of decisions I should be making as King, the alliances to be forged, especially through marriage. ‘A serving girl as consort remains acceptable, but having a commoner as the Queen would never do. You must find a way out of this arrangement before irreparable harm is done.’” Guinevere rolled her eyes, for she was no stranger to that sort of talk; she had had to endure it as soon as Arthur had made his intentions towards her publically known. After a while, the venom spewed by the noble families of Camelot had stopped affecting her; she knew exactly what they meant by irreparable harm, and it was already too late, for the child growing in her womb sealed her and Arthur’s fates together. She could hardly wait until they all knew and finally accepted that he loved and had chosen her, and her alone. “All I could think about was that my father would undoubtedly have expressed those same opinions. I wish he would be here, if only to make disparaging remarks about the way I rule his kingdom.”
“Arthur, you mustn’t be so hard on yourself. The people think you’re a fair and just king, and that is all they could have asked for. They’re no longer afraid to speak their minds, to be themselves freely. That is an achievement you can be proud of you, and your father told her as much, didn’t he?” She rubbed his back in soothing circles.
He snorted derisively. “I hardly think the compliments count when he wasn’t lucid at the time.”
“What about after the tournament last year?” Merlin had shared the praise Uther had bestowed upon his son during that evening. “He said that you had shown him through your actions that you were truly ready to be king. He was of clear mind and body then. Your father had flaws, much like everyone else, but the best of him lives on inside you.” She placed her hand on his chest, emphasizing her meaning. “Otherwise you couldn’t be the man and the king you are today.”
He looked at her for a long time, before sighing resignedly. “I guess you are right.” He let his head fall onto his chest and it seemed as if he was considering her words, but he resumed looking so crestfallen and hopeless that she knew she had to do something, say something, anything to keep him from feeling this way.
“I have something to tell you.”She blurted out, and she instinctively reached for his clasped hands. He lifted his head and when she didn’t say anything, he turned to face her directly. “I, I’m with child.”
“You’re what?”
She didn’t know precisely how he would react, but she wasn’t reassured by the expression on his face. “I’m with child.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I saw Gaius; he is the one who confirmed it. I don’t think I would have realized it on my own, I mean, I’d heard tales of women being sick every morning for months on end before the arrival of the child, but I haven’t had anything of the sort. I’ve been feeling a little queasy lately, but that was the extent of it; well, there was also the dizzy spell I had while at the mausoleum today, and now that I think about it, I’ve been more tired than usual, but then again there was so much to do in…”She trailed off when she noticed that he wasn’t looking at her anymore. Maybe he was displeased. “I’m sorry, I know that the timing is not ideal-“
He lunged forward then, towards her, his lips upon hers cutting off her words; for the first time since his father’s death, he was kissing her with abandon, and she replied in kind, cradling his face in her hands. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she noted that it was probably this kind of kiss which had led to her current state and she blushed. With a last, parting brush of his mouth against hers, he ended the kiss and when he pulled away, there was lightness in his eyes that she hadn’t seen in a long stretch of time.
“I don’t agree.” A grin slowly split his face in two, growing bigger by the second. He held her hands tighter in his. “Are you well? When will we be able to announce it?”
“Gaius said that it would be safer to wait until the winter solstice and yes, I am fine.” She knew the idiotic grin on her face matched his perfectly.
He reached out for her midsection, placing his hand on her stomach, which would soon start to show signs of the child she was carrying. It was still flat, but that didn’t seem to concern Arthur.
“Do you think the baby can hear us?”
She chuckled. “I don’t know, I would have to ask Gaius.”
Undeterred, he bowed his head. “Hi there, this is your father talking and I cannot wait to meet you.”He straightened up, a silly smile on his lips. “I’m going to be a father.”
Guinevere smiled back, reflecting that maybe it was the perfect time for this news; it was the circle of life after all, one life ended and another began. Countering the negative with a positive had had the desired effect, and staring at Arthur’s beautiful face lit up once again, it was a decision she didn’t regret making.
_______________________________________________
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Title: The death of a father (the birth of another)
Themes and/or Prompt/s Cancelled (cancel out), Catharsis
Rating: PG
Word count: 3493
Characters/Pairings: Arthur/Gwen, brief appearance by Merlin and Gaius, minor OCs
Spoilers/Warnings: Character death (if the title doesn't give it away!).
Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin, despite all the wishin' and prayin'.
Summary: After a terrible loss, Arthur is dealing alone and Guinevere looks for ways to help him.
It is in the middle of Arthur’s first year of rule as Prince Regent that Uther dies.
“My lady, my lady!” Mary burst into her chambers. The young maidservant was sprightly and impulsive, but she wouldn’t have entered Guinevere’s chambers without knocking first, and that alarmed her instantly.
“What is it, Mary?” Guinevere asked, hearing the irritation in her voice and chiding herself for it, yet unable to curb it.
“It’s t-the King.” She let out in a rushed breath, and in the next instant, Guinevere was running, picking up her skirts along the way to ease her journey to the Eastern part of the castle.
After Arthur and his knights had regained control of Camelot, King Uther had been moved back to his old chambers, but upon finding him huddled in a corner of his bedroom three mornings in a row with bloodshot eyes, Arthur had requested that another wing of the castle be fitted out for his father. Uther seemed more comfortable in his new surroundings, and he was able to rest there. Since his rescue, Uther had been in a near permanent state of catatonia, not able to feed or dress himself alone.
Camelot was in shambles after Morgana’s ill-fated attempt at reign when Arthur took over the kingdom. Responsibilities were instantly thrust upon his shoulders, and though he had been training and preparing for that day as natural and legitimate heir, the sudden onslaught of that burden and its mighty weight was a bit much to take. Of course Arthur played the part of the strong, confident ruler to the letter, sure of every decision he made, but she knew that in spite of the bravado he displayed, in the privacy of their chambers, he pondered incessantly over the choices he’d made during the day. He asked for her opinion quite a few times, but Guinevere knew that it wasn’t her counsel that he needed.
So she’d advised him to talk to his father; as mute as Uther was, she reasoned that he would react if he truly believed Arthur was making the wrong decisions for the people. He had never hesitated to do so, before, and Arthur didn’t doubt the soundness of her judgment. Thus started his late night visits with his father; the first few times he’d attempted this course of action, he had been a fiddle-footed, nervous mess when he came back to their quarters. He had even griped that it was useless, Uther never giving any sign that he was hearing his son.
Nevertheless, she had encouraged him to continue, aware that having his father as an ear certainly could be the way to deal with his feelings towards Uther; she knew that it could be cathartic in a way he’d never expect or acknowledge. Just yesterday, he had walked into their chambers with glee etched on his features. He had gladly informed of the cause for his good mood. She could still vividly remember their conversation.
“And then, as I am telling him about the initiative to build a second well on the far East side of the lower town, he raised his hand.” Arthur animatedly gestured and he turned to look at her. “He raised his hand as if he hadn’t spent weeks not speaking. He looked at me, Guinevere and it felt like he was looking at me, for the first time since he was rescued.”
“That is wonderful news, Arthur!” She exclaimed, meaning every word.
He took slow steps towards the bed where she was, staring at her all the way. “He also said that I didn’t need his approval, and that he’d never been prouder of me. He apologized for everything he’d done wrong or failed to do.”He reached her, curving his hand around the shell of her ear. “And then he asked to drink…tea.”He delivered dryly, almost dejectedly and she chuckled.
“It is a good sign that he is on the road to full recovery.” She returned his grin.
“Well, it gives me hope that he can resume his position as King. That would leave me free to go back to doing the things I enjoy the most: training my Knights and spending more time with my beautiful wife.”
Uther hadn’t been a factor before, during and after their wedding ceremony, and given their history, Guinevere had expected that the simple announcement that they were to wed would be enough to rouse him out of his enduring stupor.
“Well, I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to that.” She smiled at him coquettishly and he pounced on her, tipping her into the bed and smothering her giggles with kisses.
That was only yesterday. How drastically could things have changed overnight? There were two guards outside the King’s door, as well as Sir Leon and the worry he sported was enough for her to slow her steps. When she entered the room, Merlin and Henri, the King’s manservant met her eyes, but they were the only ones; Gaius was kneeling over Uther’s prostrate form and Arthur was quietly observing him from a chair facing the bed, both hands clasped underneath his chin.
“What happened?”
“I walked in like every morning, and I threw open the blinds, and I greeted him. Usually he opens his eyes when the blinds are opened and he didn’t. I-I tried to wake him and I,I couldn’t, my lady.” Henry said, obviously still upset.
She could see Gaius from her vantage point, and he straightened up, his face a somber mask. He turned to Arthur, his mouth set in a tight line.
“I’m sorry, Sire; there is nothing I can do. He is gone.”
It was all too still suddenly, as if they had collectively held their breath, the weight of the words sinking into their consciousness and rippling through them, one at a time.
“Is there any sign of magic causing this?” Arthur said, staring at Gaius expectantly.
“No Sire, I don’t believe magic was involved; he went in his sleep.”
She stole a quick glance at her father-in-law, noting absentmindedly that his face showed no sign of distress; if anything, he looked…at peace.
“Thank you Gaius. Please do what is necessary. I will make the announcement at court today.” Arthur stood up stiffly. He looked at her, his eyes pained in a way that broke her heart, and she almost forsake propriety to run to him and wrap him in her arms, but the way he held himself told her that he wouldn’t welcome it. Not in public, at least.
So she contained herself, keeping her emotions at bay, much like he did, vowing to find a time to offer him the comfort she knew he desperately needed.
That time kept eluding her day after day. Despite his flaws, Uther was a king much appreciated by his peers, so messengers were dispatched to far-off lands to relay the news of his passing. Many of them came back with express wishes from the royal families to attend the King’s burial. Readying the castle for the masses of foreign dignitaries that would be coming was a long and arduous task, which took up almost all of her time. Arthur was now fully engaged and committed to resolving the matters affecting his people, so they only met briefly during the day for lunch and given the erratic hours his schedule kept, sometimes they were not even able to break bread. He came to bed long after she’d fallen asleep and his side was often cold when she stirred awake in the morning.
She had to admit that she was keeping a more leisure schedule herself, taking more time to awaken and move around than she used to, due to the tiredness she was experiencing. It was in the middle of the preparations that she’d noticed the queasy feeling that would seize her stomach throughout the day, but it was so unimportant an affliction in view of everything they had to accomplish, in a short period of time that she didn’t bother to stop by Gaius’s chambers.
The kings and nobles arrived one after the other, some greeting her with veiled disdain, others with barely concealed lust, yet others were cordial, addressing warm smiles to her. The lady Vivian nearly made a spectacle of herself, her father barely being able to restrain her, so great were her outrage and fury over her love marrying another.
The funeral happened, much too quickly in her opinion; the oration was short and King Uther was laid to rest in the Pendragon mausoleum, a carved stone effigy of him placed upon his grave. Ygraine was buried next to him, and Guinevere thought to herself that she’d never learnt much about Arthur’s mother; however it wasn’t from unwillingness on Arthur’s part, he just didn’t have a lot of knowledge to share. And now the one who knew the most had taken his knowledge to the grave. She knew how painful it was to be without a mother, but the fact that she had memories to cherish made her loss a bit easier. She could not imagine not knowing her child or any child of hers not knowing her; hopefully, she would never have to.
The wave of dizziness that snuck up on her was so strong that she faltered where she stood, and Merlin, who was standing to her right, supported her with his arms, throwing her a worried look. He didn’t let go until the end of the proceedings, when they stepped outside, and she welcomed the fresh air that greeted them.
“Are you feeling okay, Guinevere?” His blue eyes looked over her form carefully.
She waved off his concerns. “I’m fine, Merlin. Besides, honestly, I don’t believe I’m the one you need to be worried about now.” Merlin followed her eyes, over to the corner where Arthur stood, talking with each king and each dignitary one after the other. The tension in his shoulders was apparent from where she stood. He looked up then, scanning the crowd for her and when their eyes met, she smiled briefly, which caused the perpetual frown on his face to fade for a second, before yet another noble stepped up to speak with him.
“How do you think he is doing?”
“I do not know, for we have not discussed it.”Aside from Guinevere, Merlin was Arthur’s most trusted confidant, which meant that he should have entrusted his feelings with one of them.
“We have not either.”Merlin hesitated before phrasing his next question. “Do you think he thinks we are glad for Uther’s death?”At Gwen’s horrified expression, he stammered. “I’m not saying that we are, I’m just saying that Arthur could be thinking it, and truth be told, he was not my favorite person, nor was he yours. Neither one of us would have minded his being gone and Arthur taking his rightful place on the throne.”
Guinevere considered Merlin’s words. Of all the changes Arthur had instituted, the biggest two had had to do with her and with Merlin: successively the announcement of their betrothal, and the removal of the ban on magic and subsequent abolition of the relative laws. Once Merlin had revealed the many and varied ways in which he had saved Arthur’s life using magic, Arthur was grateful to his servant for being there at crucial times, yet furious that Merlin had kept so many secrets for so long. It took some time for him to accept the truth; well, that and the creature - which they later learnt was a chimera- that appeared out of thin air one morning in the Council room, clearly set on killing Arthur, which Merlin made disappear with a flick of his hand. Having a wizard as a best friend/servant certainly had its advantages. Arthur eventually came to realize that Merlin was the opportunity to bridge the gap between him and the magical beings who roamed around the kingdom. Appointing Merlin as Official Court Sorcerer seemed like the logical thing to do, especially when Arthur knew that Merlin would take it upon himself to regulate the use of magic throughout the kingdom. He was the best ambassador Arthur could have hoped for.
For these reasons -and others- the nobles present for Uther’s burial couldn’t seem to keep their eyes off them, the odd couple, the former servant girl about to be Queen and the former man servant turned esteemed member of the Council.
“You have to know, Merlin that despite all the wrongs that were inflicted upon me by Uther’s hand, I never would have wished for Arthur to lose his father. I know all too well the pains that come with being an orphan.” She replied soberly and he nodded.
“I know.” He turned pensive as well, before lifting his head up. “In any case, I think you should see Gaius and have him give you something for that dizziness spell.”
“I will do.”
The majority of the royal families opted to leave Camelot straightaway, undoubtedly to return and ensure they still had a kingdom to rule. After seeing the visitors off all afternoon, it was pretty late when Guinevere was finally able to stop by the Court Physician’s chambers; it was even later when she emerged. The halls were almost deserted when she finally made her way back to her chambers, her feet leading the way automatically, but her mind elsewhere entirely. She was still too stunned…Gaius was positive, this was to be a ailment that would evolve and keep evolving for another seven months.
She wondered about Arthur’s reaction: would he be happy? Would he allow himself to be happy, in this time of sorrow? She naively hoped that this news could brighten up his features, allow the indifferent mask he’d so carefully constructed to slide away; she only wished that it could dull the intensity of his suffering, and maybe, just for a moment, that the positive could cancel out the negative, if only for a moment.
She’d already dismissed Mary from her service, so she was preparing herself for some time alone, a quiet dinner and an even quieter night. She was not prepared for the sight that greeted her when she walked into the chambers she shared with Arthur. Her husband whipped around, a hand already swiping at his face, the beginnings of a scowl marring his features, scolding words already on his lips when he realized that it was her. The façade crumbled almost instantly and he couldn’t help the restrained sob that escaped him.
“Arthur?” She looked to him.
“He’s really gone, Guinevere.”
She ran to him then, enveloping him in her arms. “I know, Arthur. I’m so sorry. ” She allowed him to burrow deeper in their embrace, hoping that she was providing the comfort that he needed. His body was wracked by muffled sobs, his shoulders shaking hopelessly; sometime later, she maneuvered them to sit down on the bed and slowly, his tears subsided. When they had stopped coming entirely, he pulled back to look at her.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to burden you-”
“It’s quite alright, Arthur.”She threaded her fingers lightly through the hair at his nape. “I am your wife after all, it would have smarted if you had chosen another to share this with. Well, except for Merlin.” She joked and the right corner of his mouth lifted in a poor imitation of his trademark smirk. Yet he remained pensive.
“All day long, I heard from the nobles about the type of decisions I should be making as King, the alliances to be forged, especially through marriage. ‘A serving girl as consort remains acceptable, but having a commoner as the Queen would never do. You must find a way out of this arrangement before irreparable harm is done.’” Guinevere rolled her eyes, for she was no stranger to that sort of talk; she had had to endure it as soon as Arthur had made his intentions towards her publically known. After a while, the venom spewed by the noble families of Camelot had stopped affecting her; she knew exactly what they meant by irreparable harm, and it was already too late, for the child growing in her womb sealed her and Arthur’s fates together. She could hardly wait until they all knew and finally accepted that he loved and had chosen her, and her alone. “All I could think about was that my father would undoubtedly have expressed those same opinions. I wish he would be here, if only to make disparaging remarks about the way I rule his kingdom.”
“Arthur, you mustn’t be so hard on yourself. The people think you’re a fair and just king, and that is all they could have asked for. They’re no longer afraid to speak their minds, to be themselves freely. That is an achievement you can be proud of you, and your father told her as much, didn’t he?” She rubbed his back in soothing circles.
He snorted derisively. “I hardly think the compliments count when he wasn’t lucid at the time.”
“What about after the tournament last year?” Merlin had shared the praise Uther had bestowed upon his son during that evening. “He said that you had shown him through your actions that you were truly ready to be king. He was of clear mind and body then. Your father had flaws, much like everyone else, but the best of him lives on inside you.” She placed her hand on his chest, emphasizing her meaning. “Otherwise you couldn’t be the man and the king you are today.”
He looked at her for a long time, before sighing resignedly. “I guess you are right.” He let his head fall onto his chest and it seemed as if he was considering her words, but he resumed looking so crestfallen and hopeless that she knew she had to do something, say something, anything to keep him from feeling this way.
“I have something to tell you.”She blurted out, and she instinctively reached for his clasped hands. He lifted his head and when she didn’t say anything, he turned to face her directly. “I, I’m with child.”
“You’re what?”
She didn’t know precisely how he would react, but she wasn’t reassured by the expression on his face. “I’m with child.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I saw Gaius; he is the one who confirmed it. I don’t think I would have realized it on my own, I mean, I’d heard tales of women being sick every morning for months on end before the arrival of the child, but I haven’t had anything of the sort. I’ve been feeling a little queasy lately, but that was the extent of it; well, there was also the dizzy spell I had while at the mausoleum today, and now that I think about it, I’ve been more tired than usual, but then again there was so much to do in…”She trailed off when she noticed that he wasn’t looking at her anymore. Maybe he was displeased. “I’m sorry, I know that the timing is not ideal-“
He lunged forward then, towards her, his lips upon hers cutting off her words; for the first time since his father’s death, he was kissing her with abandon, and she replied in kind, cradling his face in her hands. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she noted that it was probably this kind of kiss which had led to her current state and she blushed. With a last, parting brush of his mouth against hers, he ended the kiss and when he pulled away, there was lightness in his eyes that she hadn’t seen in a long stretch of time.
“I don’t agree.” A grin slowly split his face in two, growing bigger by the second. He held her hands tighter in his. “Are you well? When will we be able to announce it?”
“Gaius said that it would be safer to wait until the winter solstice and yes, I am fine.” She knew the idiotic grin on her face matched his perfectly.
He reached out for her midsection, placing his hand on her stomach, which would soon start to show signs of the child she was carrying. It was still flat, but that didn’t seem to concern Arthur.
“Do you think the baby can hear us?”
She chuckled. “I don’t know, I would have to ask Gaius.”
Undeterred, he bowed his head. “Hi there, this is your father talking and I cannot wait to meet you.”He straightened up, a silly smile on his lips. “I’m going to be a father.”
Guinevere smiled back, reflecting that maybe it was the perfect time for this news; it was the circle of life after all, one life ended and another began. Countering the negative with a positive had had the desired effect, and staring at Arthur’s beautiful face lit up once again, it was a decision she didn’t regret making.
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