so, so lazy
greetings, one and all. first, i'd like to welcome phil, aka pup212, and i hope all my friends friend him. lunatickle and moominmuppet, i believe you will especially enjoy him. sirreal, you will appreciate his delicate musings and gay sensibility. phil, let me know if you want to get out of paid acct status. welcome!
the lazy part: below is what katy wrote to announce to the world that we're having a wedding-not-wedding. i am too tired to write my own stuff about it now. but i'm mostly in agreement. remember, these are lunatickle's words, not mine. kisses, tm
"So, big news. After much wrangling and theorizing, Miss T and I have decided to have a Ceremony in Lincoln Park on April 16, 2006. We're unsure what to call it...we can't quite stomach it being a wedding, and we're as committed as we plan to be, so "Commitment Ceremony" seems asinine. It's a Love Party. A Tryst. A Lifemeld."
"The reason I keep expecting this to be shocking to my loved ones is that I've been loudly dismissive/critical/mean about other people getting married (marriage is a tool of the patriarchy, sanctifies domination of women and kids, distracts women from their liberation, deifies heterosexuality and monogamy, creates the fundamental module of capitalism, Smash The Family!) and about same-sex marriage as the gold standard of queer politics (assimilationist tactic to prove how moral and normal we are, creates expectation that monogamy is good for the movement). I just wrote a song for slackjaw called "Nobody's Wife". So far though, no one has been in the least bothered by the idea, maybe a little surprised. I think, as usual, no one's sure what to make of us."
"We decided to do this because we're having a (huge for us) transition -- moving to DC after I finish school next year. We're going to try living together again, which was really very difficult last time and ended with our break up. This time I hope that it will be different because we'll choose the space together, work very hard to get at least a two-bedroom, and be on more even ground emotionally. And we're in better shape as a couple. I'd say I'm terrified but optimistic."
"We also felt that we want to celebrate the complete freaking miracle it is that we love each other. our differences are apparent, our connections so much more subtle. We're both short on intimacy skills and attention span. Neither of us wanted something long-term nor expected it...yet here we are 3-and-some-change years later, and so crazy about each other. We wanted our families and our tribe to have a party to recognize how cool that is, how truly transformative and wonderful. So the struggle has been how to make this idea, which feels RIGHT, jive with our politics."
"We figure this is ok because it doesn't operate in the same way as marriage...we're not buying into the monogamy and eternity parts, and not having a christian ceremony. If it's not a civil event, not asking for any permission from god, not two becoming one, not promising to only have sex with each other in sanctioned wedlock, not pledging to obey, and not making a commitment to be together until we die, that seems like it's pretty different. "I promise to love you with my whole heart as long as love lasts" is what we wrote. Turns out in some of the pagan liturgies I'm reading, that's a common vow in handfastings. cool, huh. We'll also be skipping the shower, the veil, white dresses, the wedding march, the giving away business, throwing shit at us (rice, birdseed), and the cake. We're going to jump a broom, though, it seems a lovely way to combine african-american (her) and pagan (me) traditions. Oh, and the "bachelorette party" is just going to skip the coy bullshit and be a straight-up orgy. "
"The crazy thing is how easily I'm finding myself caught up in the details, the pleasure of planning. I'm doing research. It's nifty to have just a license for luxury. And I love ritual of any kind, of course, that helps. I just want to talk about it all the time with such excitement -- it's so easy to give into that. I remember thinking many times when a bride is talking about her plans "this is so solipsistic." or "Is there anything else in her life?" or "What could happen if this energy were harnessed for good rather than evil?" And I still feel those things. It's a strangely dissociative process."
"But I love dreaming about the decorations, and the guest list, and the dress...
geez. Any feedback?" - katy
the lazy part: below is what katy wrote to announce to the world that we're having a wedding-not-wedding. i am too tired to write my own stuff about it now. but i'm mostly in agreement. remember, these are lunatickle's words, not mine. kisses, tm
"So, big news. After much wrangling and theorizing, Miss T and I have decided to have a Ceremony in Lincoln Park on April 16, 2006. We're unsure what to call it...we can't quite stomach it being a wedding, and we're as committed as we plan to be, so "Commitment Ceremony" seems asinine. It's a Love Party. A Tryst. A Lifemeld."
"The reason I keep expecting this to be shocking to my loved ones is that I've been loudly dismissive/critical/mean about other people getting married (marriage is a tool of the patriarchy, sanctifies domination of women and kids, distracts women from their liberation, deifies heterosexuality and monogamy, creates the fundamental module of capitalism, Smash The Family!) and about same-sex marriage as the gold standard of queer politics (assimilationist tactic to prove how moral and normal we are, creates expectation that monogamy is good for the movement). I just wrote a song for slackjaw called "Nobody's Wife". So far though, no one has been in the least bothered by the idea, maybe a little surprised. I think, as usual, no one's sure what to make of us."
"We decided to do this because we're having a (huge for us) transition -- moving to DC after I finish school next year. We're going to try living together again, which was really very difficult last time and ended with our break up. This time I hope that it will be different because we'll choose the space together, work very hard to get at least a two-bedroom, and be on more even ground emotionally. And we're in better shape as a couple. I'd say I'm terrified but optimistic."
"We also felt that we want to celebrate the complete freaking miracle it is that we love each other. our differences are apparent, our connections so much more subtle. We're both short on intimacy skills and attention span. Neither of us wanted something long-term nor expected it...yet here we are 3-and-some-change years later, and so crazy about each other. We wanted our families and our tribe to have a party to recognize how cool that is, how truly transformative and wonderful. So the struggle has been how to make this idea, which feels RIGHT, jive with our politics."
"We figure this is ok because it doesn't operate in the same way as marriage...we're not buying into the monogamy and eternity parts, and not having a christian ceremony. If it's not a civil event, not asking for any permission from god, not two becoming one, not promising to only have sex with each other in sanctioned wedlock, not pledging to obey, and not making a commitment to be together until we die, that seems like it's pretty different. "I promise to love you with my whole heart as long as love lasts" is what we wrote. Turns out in some of the pagan liturgies I'm reading, that's a common vow in handfastings. cool, huh. We'll also be skipping the shower, the veil, white dresses, the wedding march, the giving away business, throwing shit at us (rice, birdseed), and the cake. We're going to jump a broom, though, it seems a lovely way to combine african-american (her) and pagan (me) traditions. Oh, and the "bachelorette party" is just going to skip the coy bullshit and be a straight-up orgy. "
"The crazy thing is how easily I'm finding myself caught up in the details, the pleasure of planning. I'm doing research. It's nifty to have just a license for luxury. And I love ritual of any kind, of course, that helps. I just want to talk about it all the time with such excitement -- it's so easy to give into that. I remember thinking many times when a bride is talking about her plans "this is so solipsistic." or "Is there anything else in her life?" or "What could happen if this energy were harnessed for good rather than evil?" And I still feel those things. It's a strangely dissociative process."
"But I love dreaming about the decorations, and the guest list, and the dress...
geez. Any feedback?" - katy