Can I talk to you for a minute?
I'm obsessed with the new Keisha Cole cd. R&B is becoming my favorite again. When I get tired of the same ol hardcore, chug chug, breakdown kinda music. It happens often. I resort to shit that should probably embarass me.
I don't know where I am right now. I know I'm starting school in August. I'm excited about that.
I haven't felt so insecure in such a long time. Not like... about myself. Just about life in general. I don't even feel comfortable in my own apartment anymore. For obvious reasons but It shouldnt be like that. I wish I wish I wish I had a family I could live off of, and not have to worry about paying for rent and other stupid bills. That way I could just save up money for school, and I probably wouldnt be so stressed out all the time. I've been doing this since I was 17. I don't know how much of it I can take anymore. I don't go out that often anymore. Anxiety has sort of flown away but at the same time I don't feel like doing anything but locking myself in an empty room for hours, watching movies and eating junk food and getting totally fat. I've worked one day this week. Not by choice but it isn't that big of a deal to me. Money never is really. Next week I should be working over50 hours to make up for it. And then theres my birthday...Yeah fuck it.
The only friends I feel like I have anymore. Are the boys. I love them so much. They make me laugh. and feel welcomed.. well most of them. And I trust them with everything I have. They are like.. family. But I love being around them so much. and I love being over at their house. I just don't love having to spend every day and night here, like it's my home or something. Not that it's bad here, I just wish I could go "home" if you know what I mean. I'm wearing out my welcome. And I'm so comfortable being here. I've never been so comfortable in a place thats not my own. Especially being by myself.
I have a lot on my mind I wish I could get out in one single word, but I cant find that word.
I've learned so much about myself.
and remembered so much I've forgotten.
I turn 20 in 5 days.
I might end up cancelling my party because I don't know if I'll even be able to have it in my apartment.
But oh well,
maybe someone will come up with something for me.
No one ever does anything nice for me anyways,
so why even bother.
Ps I have a mohawk.
I don't know where I am right now. I know I'm starting school in August. I'm excited about that.
I haven't felt so insecure in such a long time. Not like... about myself. Just about life in general. I don't even feel comfortable in my own apartment anymore. For obvious reasons but It shouldnt be like that. I wish I wish I wish I had a family I could live off of, and not have to worry about paying for rent and other stupid bills. That way I could just save up money for school, and I probably wouldnt be so stressed out all the time. I've been doing this since I was 17. I don't know how much of it I can take anymore. I don't go out that often anymore. Anxiety has sort of flown away but at the same time I don't feel like doing anything but locking myself in an empty room for hours, watching movies and eating junk food and getting totally fat. I've worked one day this week. Not by choice but it isn't that big of a deal to me. Money never is really. Next week I should be working over50 hours to make up for it. And then theres my birthday...Yeah fuck it.
The only friends I feel like I have anymore. Are the boys. I love them so much. They make me laugh. and feel welcomed.. well most of them. And I trust them with everything I have. They are like.. family. But I love being around them so much. and I love being over at their house. I just don't love having to spend every day and night here, like it's my home or something. Not that it's bad here, I just wish I could go "home" if you know what I mean. I'm wearing out my welcome. And I'm so comfortable being here. I've never been so comfortable in a place thats not my own. Especially being by myself.
I have a lot on my mind I wish I could get out in one single word, but I cant find that word.
I've learned so much about myself.
and remembered so much I've forgotten.
I turn 20 in 5 days.
I might end up cancelling my party because I don't know if I'll even be able to have it in my apartment.
But oh well,
maybe someone will come up with something for me.
No one ever does anything nice for me anyways,
so why even bother.
Ps I have a mohawk.