The collected wisdom of Evan Harris
Part 1.
1. Never ever ever refer to sex as 'the old in and out' in polite company. Not everyone has seen 'A clockwork orange' and even those who have may not find it as amusing as it was in your head.
2. Weight-loss programs very rarely work the way they're supposed to. You're much better off starving yourself half to death and then building yourself back up from there. Bulimia, is natures reset button.
3. Don't come out as a nazi to your parents for a joke.
4. Don't underestimate the very wide. Fat people often can put on a great turn of speed very quickly and can use their bulk to their advantage. If you have to make a nasty comment make sure its from some distance or from behind a chain link fence, then you have the pleasure of watching them get upset but retain at least some element of safety.
5. No matter how enamored you are with your partner you have to refrain at all times from telling them that they are 'prettiest thing I ever put my penis into.' Don't even do it as a joke. I speak from bitter, bitter experience.
6. Pain is not in fact "weakness leaving the body" it's ACTUALLY your body's way of telling you to stop whatever it is you're doing in case you die.
7. Making a 'duh' noise at paying customers is a sure fire way of getting fired.
8. You can live a whole and fulfilling life through apathy, as a lifestyle choice it's highly underrated.
1. Never ever ever refer to sex as 'the old in and out' in polite company. Not everyone has seen 'A clockwork orange' and even those who have may not find it as amusing as it was in your head.
2. Weight-loss programs very rarely work the way they're supposed to. You're much better off starving yourself half to death and then building yourself back up from there. Bulimia, is natures reset button.
3. Don't come out as a nazi to your parents for a joke.
4. Don't underestimate the very wide. Fat people often can put on a great turn of speed very quickly and can use their bulk to their advantage. If you have to make a nasty comment make sure its from some distance or from behind a chain link fence, then you have the pleasure of watching them get upset but retain at least some element of safety.
5. No matter how enamored you are with your partner you have to refrain at all times from telling them that they are 'prettiest thing I ever put my penis into.' Don't even do it as a joke. I speak from bitter, bitter experience.
6. Pain is not in fact "weakness leaving the body" it's ACTUALLY your body's way of telling you to stop whatever it is you're doing in case you die.
7. Making a 'duh' noise at paying customers is a sure fire way of getting fired.
8. You can live a whole and fulfilling life through apathy, as a lifestyle choice it's highly underrated.