An open letter to Spam emailers
Dear Sir, Madam or semi intelligent weasel,
Your "please buy my product and/or service " emails would be a bit more convincing if the following procedures were followed:
1. Do not send multiple emails , with either the same or different subject lines, from "name A name" and "name b name" and so on.. its obvious.
2. I do not want any parts enlarged that i do not even want to HAVE. Please check your gender references.
3. likewise do not address me as "sir", "guy", or otherwise address the email to a man unless you have some reason to think i AM male. again, check your gender references.
4. No, i do not wish to meet "hot girls" . Now i admit that its just possible you think i am a lesbian, but your advertising makes it clear that you are aiming this spam at heterosexual males. need i repeat myself about gender references?
5. No, i do not believe that you have heard the great praises of my virtue and business sense and wish to send me, a person you have never met, money.
6. Please refer to item number 5, above, in regard to loan applications and so on.
7. I admit, the sheer lunacy of some of the subject headers does occasionally tempt me, but i really wonder at anyone's tastes who is looking for a female having graphically described intercourse with a male homosexual..isn't the lack of interest on his part a turn-off?
8. If you want me to open a emergency notice about my bank account, try picking a bank i have an account with.
9. use a spell checker! I don't want to buy any pills from someone who cant spell the pharmaceutical names. Are you selling a real drug? or some generic from the back alleys with a similar, but misspelled, name?
10. Just what is a "Boatke woman" a "fastidious xswhar" and so on? i was of the opinion that most porn actors are not "fastidious" is this some arcane reference to technique? please advise.
sincerely wishing you a deranged one eyed opossum of vengeance,
not the customer you are looking for.
Your "please buy my product and/or service " emails would be a bit more convincing if the following procedures were followed:
1. Do not send multiple emails , with either the same or different subject lines, from "name A name" and "name b name" and so on.. its obvious.
2. I do not want any parts enlarged that i do not even want to HAVE. Please check your gender references.
3. likewise do not address me as "sir", "guy", or otherwise address the email to a man unless you have some reason to think i AM male. again, check your gender references.
4. No, i do not wish to meet "hot girls" . Now i admit that its just possible you think i am a lesbian, but your advertising makes it clear that you are aiming this spam at heterosexual males. need i repeat myself about gender references?
5. No, i do not believe that you have heard the great praises of my virtue and business sense and wish to send me, a person you have never met, money.
6. Please refer to item number 5, above, in regard to loan applications and so on.
7. I admit, the sheer lunacy of some of the subject headers does occasionally tempt me, but i really wonder at anyone's tastes who is looking for a female having graphically described intercourse with a male homosexual..isn't the lack of interest on his part a turn-off?
8. If you want me to open a emergency notice about my bank account, try picking a bank i have an account with.
9. use a spell checker! I don't want to buy any pills from someone who cant spell the pharmaceutical names. Are you selling a real drug? or some generic from the back alleys with a similar, but misspelled, name?
10. Just what is a "Boatke woman" a "fastidious xswhar" and so on? i was of the opinion that most porn actors are not "fastidious" is this some arcane reference to technique? please advise.
sincerely wishing you a deranged one eyed opossum of vengeance,
not the customer you are looking for.