Trying to figure out my life... such a hard task!
First of all I want to welcome my new friends Maria and Nikka!!! Hope we get to know each other better, and with Nikka, not to lose touch again :D
I have so many things to talk about but won't probably remember all of them, and just to warn you, this is not an "all happy" entry :(... well so let's start...
I have been so apart from this place and mostly FF lately, and I really missed you girls. But I think I needed a break of it, well I'm taking a break for almost everything in my life, lately I just feel so confused and dissapointed on life and on myself. Gosh I think I'm depressive. It doesn't feel good at all. :(
I have always being the "so extremely happy, bubbly, sweet girl, so sure of herself" and suddenly I felt like "that girl" just left me standing by myself to survive in the middle of hungry lions aka the real world. Everything just seems to go against me, well not everything, I'm probably exaggerating, but the real world it's finally there over my shoulders and it's not as happy as my bubble, it's scary and it's taking away the best of me, and I just feel like I can't fight back.
I have never been depressed before, but I think I might be the way I'm feeling lately, and that very feeling just makes me feel frustrated, I just want to go back in time and be that girl I used to be, that was always happy with the most little things. God, I hate growing up, it just sucks, maybe that's why I'm freakly obsessed with Peter Pan, if he could just take me away to Neverland *sigh*
I'm such a little girl, with my girlie obsessions, well those things bring joy to me so i won't stop liking them, but I have to admit it's really hard to like them when I'm 19 and everyone expect me to be a mature young woman, when well.... it's the whole contrary....no one around me likes them too, and I get judged for that constantly, and I don't care, but at some point that judgement can get a hold on me, when people can't consider me seriously just because "I watch the Disney Channel" instead of being partying every week and getting drunk and making out with a boyfriend. That doesn't mean I'm retarded or I can't think rationally or give away a good argument about serious things in life, or that I don't have fun. I just choose to stay away from unhappy and stressful things and focused on the simple things that I believe are worth my time.
Other thing that stress me out, it's the pressure of having a boyfriend, all those girls mostly, like really why do those people care that I have never had a boyfriend or never kissed anyone, that of course leads to virginity, that leads them into a state of shock, who inmediately leads them to think that I'm a boring freak or lesbian??? wtf??? they can't understand me, I don't want a freaking boyfriend, I have never wanted one before and not now. I'm looking for the future and not a soon one, I don't feel ready to have one, and neither I have met someone that covers all my expectations, I won't conform with just the first guy that asks me out and winks at me.
I believe in true love, I have seen it, and I'm gonna wait for it, I know God is gonna send him over when I'm ready for that commitment. So those people must step back until that happens :P
And finally I feel so stressed with college, I just want to give up and left everything, but I'm more afraid of starting all over again just to found I don't like it either. It must be because the suckish teachers and some annoying classsmates that I have this semester, seriously I just want this to end as soon as possible. Thank God I have my French classes that relax me a lot, if not I don't know how I would survive this. And i thik it also had to be that I had lose a lot of contact with my best friends, college has driven us apart, well it's the natural, we're all so busy now, but I really need them on my life, I need to work on that. Just yesterday I met with two of them, and it brought to me a little of joy back, it felt so good. I need to invest more of my time on trying to expend some time with them... I guess all what I wrote in this paragraph are the reasons why HSM3 makes me cry like a baby everytime I watch it, I found funny how such a movie like that one has the power to move my feelings this hard, more than others so called "masterpieces" it must be because it portraits really well all my fears and insecurities.
I should stop talking about sad things now, some things that are bringing a smile to me, things that are inside my "bubble" that help me escape from reality... and that "those" people would find it ridiculous and lame... but that's just me... are...
- I'm dying to see the Hannah movie but it's premiering over here till May 1. And then 17 again it premieres till the end of May!!!
- New Jonas CD, and of course their show!
- All my DC shows WOWP, SWAC and HM!!!
- new music from Sel and Demi and their movie PPP
- The new Harry Potter movie!!!
- And of course talking with all of you, yeah you're into my bubble, that means you're part of my perfect, happy world! The one that keeps my sanity!
Thanks to anyone that read through all that, it means a lot, I just wanted to let that out, it's probably gonna help me to talk about it, even if it's just in LJ. Hopefully I'll come again together soon so i can go back free from worries to FF..
Love you all, Lizzie. ♥
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